Friday, September 4, 2009

The JB Random Report 9/4/09


Oh come on…did anything interesting happen this week besides those creepy kidnappers in California? I don’t wanna write about those assholes.

And speaking of the Golden State, Do you think the wildfires in California are being caused by Snoop Dogg’s constant weed smoking?


I didn’t know that it had taken this long to bury Michael Jackson.

The mere rumor of this is disturbing…Online rumors have the great Charlie Watts retiring from the Rolling Stones. As any Stones fan knows, every time the Stones tour or make a record Keith Richards has to coax Watts out of hiding like a hostage negotiator. It seems as though its not gonna work next time. Both dynamic and understated, Watts’ drumming was the backbone of the Stones’ sound, and I hate to say this, but I really don’t think the band could ever be the same without him.


I have long been accused of favoritism or as I like to call it, “Yankeeism” because I subjectively root for my favorite team, which just happens to be the winningest sports franchise in the history of any sport on the planet. However, these are some very objective September observations on the Yankees
Derek Jeter has been robbed of the MVP on at least two occasions, once in 1999 and the other in 2006. Unless there are thieves in the temple yet again, this really should be his year. Not just because he is having an amazing year, but as a lifetime achievement award, if you will. In the middle of the season, I really thought the MVP was Mark Teixeira. Now this creates a situation where the Yankee vote could be split, and Joe Mauer would become the MVP. He has had a great year, but is he the best player on the best team, and would that team be the same without him? Ask yourself, would the Twins be 5 games behind the Tigers and out of the post season even without Joe Mauer? I say yes, so he should not be the MVP this year. He is of course, a great player having a great season, but is he the most valuable player?
As for the Cy Young Award, ask yourselves this…what kind of year did the Oakland Athletics have in 1992? I’ll tell you, they made it to the ALCS and lost to Toronto. A very good year by any standard, and the Cy Young award winner and MVP that year was their closer, Dennis Eckersley. This year, the greatest closer ever has a lower ERA than Eck did in 1992 and has 38 saves. 1 through 9, no team has the offense that this year’s Yankees have and Rivera has a groin injury so he might not play this weekend, two factors that might keep him from 13 more saves. For Mariano Rivera, finally getting a well deserved Cy Young Award this year would be, once again, a lifetime achievement award…like Whoopi Goldberg getting an Oscar for “Ghost.” It says “we should have given it to you years ago, but here it is.” The voters who love their own smell so much that they say “a closer shouldn’t get it” are full of shit. They had no problem giving it to Eckersley in 1992. Rivera is black and English is his second language, so don’t make me call Reverend Al if he gets robbed.

The NFL makes billions a year in revenue, and they have the audacity to black out home games that don’t sell out? Ticket prices for NFL games are about 3 times the cost of Major League Baseball games. We are in a recession you assholes, people can’t afford to go to games and they shouldn’t have to be punished by their own home team for it. And what’s even worse, as if the NFL needed more help, this is the most anticipated season of football that I can remember. Seriously when was the last time we talked about the NFL in July? You have the Michael Vick story, Brett Favre, the Cowboys new stadium, Mark Sanchez…so many storylines it’s like Melrose Place with shoulder pads. This is not the time to alienate your fans.
Speaking of the J-E-T-S Jets, a word of advice…do not be bullied into signing wideout Brandon Marshall. Remember this asshole is one more domestic abuse charge from being permanently banned by Roger Goodell, not to mention that his own team won’t have anything to do with him. He has refused to even read his own team’s playbook, and was just suspended for being a brat. Whoever he signs with, he is gonna want a new contract, so do you really wanna invest millions on someone who might make your life hell and be a cancer in your locker room? Is this the guy you wanna give up a good linebacker in David Harris, and/or a first round pick for? Is this the guy you want your rookie phenom to throw to knowing that he might not even make it to the end of the season? Grow a brain please…


Who the fuck is LeGarrette Blount and why did he just ruin the opening game of the NCAA Football season? Before I even get to the story let me just say that famous “Blue lawn” at Boise State is annoying. So all week Boise State and Oregon have been trading billboard material about the opening game, and after Oregon loses, Blount decides he is going to sucker punch Broncos defensive end Byron Hout on the chin while he turned away. What’s even more surprising is that not one of Hout’s teammates retaliated. I’m sure they didn’t wanna turn it into World War III but still, if your teammate gets sucker punched while he isn’t looking you have to protect him.
As for Blount, anything less than complete expulsion from school, loss of scholarship and removal from the football team is unacceptable. A lot of these guys boast about wanting to play in the NFL. Could you imagine what Goodell would do to this asshole? It’s this attitude of self entitlement by college athletes that keeps Goodell so busy suspending players at the next level.


  1. - I guess you have chosen not to dwell on the newest batch of batshit nonsense being spewed by the GOP this week. This is best exemplified by Minnesota congresswoman Michelle Bachmann's exhortation to her followers to "make a covenant, slit our wrists, be blood brothers in fighting against any Democratic efforts to reform health care." (Sounds like something out of an Anne Rice book.) Well, if you have willfully ignored this kind of lunacy, I envy you; smart move on your part, man. But I must say, I sincerely hope those Bachmann supporters truly take her up on the wrist-slashing option. Less scumbags to deal with, and all that.

    - I'm sure you know by now that those Charlie Watts rumors are bogus and have been denied by The Stones' publicist. And yes, I agree: I too refuse to believe "the band could ever be the same without him."

    - Despite Jeter having a great year, the MVP award belongs to Tex. Regardless, I sure don't want to see the Yankee SS get the nod a la Scorcese for The Departed. That would be lame.
    Listen, he may not have gotten the MVP in the past when he may have deserved it, but he's got 4 WS rings that he heavily contributed to, and that's gotta be worth a whole lot more than the MVP to Jeter.

  2. Dude, I can't give the GOP anymore face time until they either stop playing with their own poop in the common area yard of the Psycho ward they are in, or say something worth responding to. I came THIS close to writing about the Bachmann article then I just flung up my arms and said "I can't do this."
    As far as health care, they are going to have to just get used to the fact that the drug industry party is over, much like the assholes that had to deal with the reality that segregation was coming to an end no matter how many times they filibuster by reading the phonebook on the Senate floor (How proud the GOP must be of their history).

    I know the Watts rumors were denied by the Stones camp, I guess I should have mentioned that. But when was the last time a rumor wasn't true?

    I would agree with Tex being the MVP if Jeter weren't hitting over .400 since the All-Star break. I agree that Tex deserves it too, but two guys on the same team having such good years might split the vote.