Monday, December 31, 2018

The JB Random Report End of the Year Awards 2018


Well kids, it’s that time of year again, so possibly for the last time before the massive blue light Con Ed apocalypse…

NEWS STORY OF THE YEAR – OK so, let me take a deep breath…I could write a whole entry about what is happening to the United States of America, but it’s so hard to keep up with so many scandals, lies and corruption mixed in with such stupidity and incompetence. Are there highlights of this bullshit? Sure. But even a token coverage would require so much more in commentary and just the thought would drive me crazy, so here is just a short list of things that are actually happening in the United States of America, in 2018:
1-   Since running for president, Donald Trump has told approximately 5,000 confirmed lies and untruths. Let that sink in. 5,000 lies told by your president.
2-      Since the investigation lead by Robert Muller began in 2016, an investigation dismissed as a “witch hunt” by Donald Trump and his supporters, there have been 5 indictments of Americans, 25 of Russian officials and 6 Russian corporations. 7 guilty pleas, which have lead to significant jail time for the guilty parties. One being General Michael Flynn, whose crimes against the United States were so egregious, that the judge even called him a sellout and told the defendants attorneys to postpone his sentencing because he was so disgusted by the accusations plead guilty to. 36 defendants charged, 7 guilty pleas, 1 conviction and 4 actual prison sentences so far? Wow, talk about draining the swamp.
3-      Over 26 resignations or firings in the cabinet…in less than 2 years. Trump better slow down or he will run out of fascists to appoint. This is still a free country and there are only so many. 
4-      While this ridiculous policy of separating families seeking asylum at the border has been going on, two children have died while in ICE custody. These are their names, and these are their faces. Felipe Gomez Alonzo 8, Guatemala, and Jakelin Caal Maquin 7, Guatemala. Usually this would send any reasonable person into a tirade about the rapid moral decline of their country, but to be honest, I’m not even mad anymore. I just want to ask Trump supporters a question:
Why is this OK with you? And would you be equally supportive if a black democrat were exhibiting this harrowing instability, naked corruption and obvious lack of humanity? (wait…don’t answer that last one) Is it worth having a president who is white, racist, stupid, and thinks like you when he is single-handedly destroying every value of a free democracy this country has been known for?
5-      As of December 31st, 2018 Trump has decided not only to continue the current government shutdown, but to freeze the pay of federal workers. These are middle income people with families and bills, not millionaires that he gives tax breaks to. All because he is a whining man-baby who wants a racist wall on the southern border that will not work. I say again, why is this ok with you?  
6-      Everyone you support, from Rudy Giuliani to Ann Coulter to Kelly Conway are all being forced to question truth and fact when defending this joke of a President. What if Barack Obama had coined the term “alternative facts?” How would you react? Seriously this is how far they have had to go to maintain their positions. So the second question, after “why is this OK with you?” would be, ”are you sure your positions are politically motivated and have nothing to do with race?”
Oh and speaking of which, do you know that a Gallup poll revealed that Barack Obama is the most admired man in the US? You know who came in second? Donald Trump. I am sure Trump supporters have a problem with that. Believe me, so do I.

PERSON OF THE YEAR – Dr. Christine Blasey Ford
Time magazine was well within its reasoning to select journalists who are attempting to report truth, “The Guardians and the War on Truth” (great title) particularly in a time where they are facing a war on the very thing which they try to report. Of course this is true in Totalitarian dictatorships like Russia and oppressive monarchies like Saudi Arabia, but I never thought it would be happening in the United States as well. When a Jamal Khashoggi, a US Resident journalist is murdered and this ridiculous administration does nothing, the world is in desperate need of a new enlightenment.
I chose Ford however, because what she did has a greater immediate impact on the lives of Americans. When she bravely came forward and publicly accused Supreme Court nominee (now Justice, if you can believe that) Brett Kavanaugh of a sexual assault that occurred when they were students, she put her life and the lives of her family at risk. She also had to move 3000 miles from her home. So when people say “Oh she had an agenda.” Well exactly what the fuck was it? To live under scrutiny for the rest of her life over a lie? I doubt that.
She came forward knowing that it would disrupt the rest of her life and she did it anyway. This is a tremendous sacrifice and it should be commended. I hope that this does now what the Anita Hill case could not do in 1991. Hold these men accountable. Yes, ultimately the war was lost and that asshole made it to the court, but at least a fight was put up by people who will not tolerate it anymore. The movement continues.     

QUOTE OF THE YEAR“Our country is being led by those who will lie about anything, backed by those who will believe anything, based on information from media sources that will say anything.” – James Comey ex FBI Director
I may have to add a separate “Tweet of the Year” category to next year’s awards, as this was a tweet credited to the Director on May 23rd of this year. But I do not think that any quote from any public figure this year better illustrated exactly what this country is going through.

TV SHOW OF THE YEARSorry, I do not have an entry here. I don’t really watch TV unless it’s CNN or sports, and I am one of the few people who is not so fucking addicted to the lighted box in my room that I need to watch it even when there is nothing on of particular interest (that’s what books, libraries and exercise are for), so I do not have Netflix.

ASSHOLE OF THE YEARRudolph Giuliani
This is, believe it or not, a tough one for me, because much like LeBron James is the perennial NBA MVP, Donald Trump can with this award every year if he wants. But the reason that this is tough is because, believe it or not, there was a time where I actually admired Rudy Giuliani, and don’t front, you know you did too. As a Federal prosecutor in New York, he was a huge reason why the Mafia and organized crime no longer have a stranglehold on US commerce. He was a social liberal as mayor of New York City, and who can forget how he brought us all together after the events of September 11th, 2001. So to see him fall this dramatically and this quickly isn’t as angering as it is sad. How can someone who made his bones putting corrupt assholes like Trump in prison, now be defending the indefensible? What the fuck happened to you? You are a legend in the Southern District dude, really? This is what you want your legacy to be? “Truth isn’t truth?” Fuck you!
Oh, and honorable mention goes to Supreme Court Justice and serial date rapist Brett Kavanaugh.

OVERUSED PHRASE OF THE YEAR – “Gender Fluid”
Look, those who know me know that I am pretty much as liberal as they come, but what I am not is unreasonable, and I will not become unreasonable or pretend facts do not exist just because some people do not like how they were born. So let’s keep this simple, if you were born with a penis, you are a male. That you believe it was given to the wrong person is certainly your right. If you choose to identify as a female because, well, I dunno, their clothes are nicer, that is also your right. You cannot, however, tell me I am wrong because I choose to stay with the definitions of what you were born with. In so far as bathrooms go, I do not care which one anyone uses so long as they don’t fucking come near me without washing their hands.
I saw an article one time where a heterosexual man was having difficulty accepting that he was attracted to someone who was transgender, and refused to call her an actual “woman” (probably the whole penis thing was preventing him from doing that). The advice given to him, and I quote, was “perhaps therapy can help him with that.” What the fuck? OK so the transgender girlfriend was born with a penis they do not like, but HE is the one that needs therapy? What for? To help him believe something that just isn’t true? You see, this is why conservatives still get elected.
Look, be who you are, but let’s not take things so far that reason takes a back seat just so a small segment of the population doesn’t get their feelings hurt. So you wanna pretend gender just doesn’t exist? OK tell that to your menstrual cramps and eventual prostate problems, hipsters.

MOVIE OF THE YEAR “Black Panther”
The fact that this was the highest grossing movie of 2018, taking in over $700 million should chap the ass of every racist asshole that Trump has eased out of their bigoted closets. But besides that, this movie just happened to be awesome.

COOLEST MOVIE WITH SOMEWHAT FAMOUS PEOPLE IN IT THAT YOU STILL DIDN’T (YET/PROBABLY) SEE BUT YOU SHOULD HAVE – “Juliet Naked.”
Someone writing a screenplay, who is obviously a fan, said to themselves, “I am imagining if Jeff Buckley would have lived to see the cult figure he has become, and how would he react?” Well had Jeff Buckley lived, he may have been bigger than Elvis and would have never become a cult figure, but I digress, we are imagining…
I saw this movie alone, and I felt as if I were actually in it, and I have to say I love it when movies do that to me. Ethan Hawke was absolutely perfect for this role.

ALBUM OF THE YEAR – “Sundays.”Tanukichan.
It is very cool amongst these idiot hipsters today to dislike anything that is even remotely buzzing or popular. When this record first came out even I have to admit I wanted to ignore it. But after one listen it was kinda hard to. Honorable mention goes to Beach House and 7. So much Dream Pop…so little time.

COOLEST SONG BY A MAJOR ACT THAT WASN’T A BIG HIT – “Come On To Me” – Sir Paul McCartney
Last year, this category was won by Robert Plant and a song that I first heard on the only radio station that even pretends to play music that matters, 90.7 WFUV, here in New York City. And had it not been for this station I have to admit, I might not have even known about this song or the album Egypt Station, which I heard some tracks from and I have to say it is pretty good.
 
COOLEST SONG OF THE YEAR – “Make Me Feel” - Janelle Monae.
I, like most people who love music and have already lost their virginity, really mourned the death of Prince in 2016. And it looks like this chick did as well. Damn that song reminds me so much of Prince it is almost as if he were resurrected. And I do not mean that in a bad way, and I am not implying that she ripped him off, just wonderfully influenced and we are all better for it. And it looks like brother Barack Obama agrees with me, as he put her and Prince on his final lists for 2018 as well. God I miss him, and Prince too. 
Honorable mention goes out to I’ll Make You Sorry” by the Screaming Females. In the 90’s I cannot say I was a huge fan of that whole Riot Grrrl movement, but some of those bands, Sleater Kinney in particular, were pretty good. This song seems to be in that spirit.



COOLEST ACT OF THE YEAR – Restorations.
“The Red Door” is a song from their 2018 album LP5000 that I just could not stop listening to. I don’t know about you but, I always like a little Rock in my Rock music. Yes there were some bigger acts this year, but if I had to pick that one “cool band that just you and a few of your friends know about” it would be this one.  Thank you again 90.7 WFUV


SPORTS TEAM OF THE YEARThe Philadelphia Eagles, NFL.
For a town that had not seen a Super Bowl Champion, Philly sure did put on a good show getting there and winning it. Forget the fact that they beat the hated New England Patriots, this is a team that rallied around a backup quarterback in Nick Foles and got the big win.
This year may have been a bit of a hangover for the Eagles, but Carson Wentz is hurt again and even though the Eagles are barely getting in the playoffs, they are coming in with a great deal of momentum and Foles at the helm once again.     

ATHLETE OF THE YEAR – Enes Cantor, New York Knicks NBA.
No, really. For those of you who do not know who he is (and judging by how completely shitty the Knicks have been for decades, I’m sure there are a lot of you) he is a Center/Power forward who is in his 8th year in the league. He is a serviceable player, stats wise he is nothing special, 11.9 Points and 7.5 rebounds for his career so far.
So why is he deserving of such lofty praise you say? Well let me tell you: First of all, he plays with a fearless heart every night for a mediocre team that has been mediocre for decades, and will continue to be mediocre until they find a way to fire the owner. But let me give you one more reason:
Without getting too deep into it, Kantor in his home country of Turkey, is a wanted man. That’s right, there is a warrant out for his arrest because he refused to go back to Turkey during a political uprising. He has been vocal about anti-fascism by supporting the Hizmet Movement of Fethullah Gülen. He gave an interview in 2017 where he spoke openly about how human rights are being abused, academics are disappearing and people are being jailed for no reason. Well, needless to say this didn’t sit well with the current government. Since his endorsement, he has also had his Turkish citizenship revoked. Yeah right, nothing to see here I guess.
In an era where we admire athletes for standing up for themselves like Colin Kaepernick and more recently LeBron James, let me give you a little perspective: Kantor is the only one who had his passport and citizenship revoked, not to mention has a warrant out for his arrest. He may not make it out of 9th place and the lower end of the draft lottery with that pitiful team, but he is certainly deserving of praise.

BELOVED ATHLETE WHO REALLY SHOULD RETIRE – Eli Manning New York Giants, NFL.
The Giants are famous for drafting defense, but last year they drafted what I believe to be the best player in the draft, Saquon Barkley. When the Giants uncharacteristically took Barkley with the 2nd overall pick, I not only endorsed it, but was thoroughly convinced that this would add a few years to Eli Manning’s career. Man I haven’t been this wrong since I suggested that the Yankees keep John Wetland as their closer in 1997 and keep using Mariano Rivera as a set-up man.
However not even Barkley, who is the real deal and should be Rookie of the Year, could save the Giants from an abysmal season where they missed the playoffs with a 5-11 record. It’s not just that Eli had a bad season, but the hits he took and the fact that he has been off for a while now, really should be enough to make him realize that it is time to move on before he really hurts himself. Go do those insurance commercials with your brother and that country guy. That kinda looks like fun.   

BIGOTED ASSHOLE OF THE YEARAaron Schlossberg
Well by now we should have forgotten his name, but let’s not because this was kinda funny in the end. So this fool goes into a deli in midtown, one that by the way, I also frequent, and got butt hurt by people speaking Spanish, in New York City, no less. He went on to say, on video, I might add, the following gem: “If they have the balls to come here and live off of my money ... I pay for their welfare. I pay for their ability to be here. The least they can do is speak English.” Ooooo K…so um, who is gonna tell this LAWYER that undocumented immigrants are not eligible for most social security benefits or welfare programs?
You’d think it would end there, but this is New York. So how do we respond? By finding out where this shmuck lives and deciding to hold a block party in his honor, complete with pinatas, tamales and yes, a mariachi band. Bienvenidos a Nueva York, pinche cabron! Oh and while we are on the subject of sensitivity, can we stop referring to this idiot as “lawyer bro?” It offends the rest of us lawyer bros…    

DEAD PERSON OF THE YEAR – President George HW Bush.
As in most years, we have lost many notable accomplished human beings in 2018. Professor Stephen Hawking comes to mind first. As well as Neil Simon, Penny Marshall, and of course, Stan Lee, who brought us so much joy while entertaining us. The iconic Aretha Franklin. I will certainly miss Anthony Bourdain. But before I am accused of attempting to rehabilitate someone who I disagreed with politically, let me just outline his significance, and thereby justifying why he may not have been my favorite person who dropped dead this year, but I have to acknowledge he was probably the most significant.
This was a legitimate war hero, having received a medal for bravery in World War II. He was a decent, honorable man who made it to the highest office in the nation. I may have not agreed with his politics, but never with  who he was as a person. Remember not to lose humanity during political discourse, or we become those who we now deservedly make fun of and hold in contempt.   

Here’s hoping the New Year brings you everything you want! And of course…FUCK DONALD TRUMP!!





Thursday, May 24, 2018

Now I Know What the "F" in NFL Really Stands For



Yesterday morning I was asked why I do not regularly blog anymore, and the truth of the matter is that although I have been more successful than I thought with this, I really do not have the time I once did. However, that does not mean that my views on certain issues are obscured by my lack of blog postings, and there are a million things I can say about Donald Trump and his fascist presidency, but it was this one thing I heard this morning that finally tipped my juice cup. But first, some context…
Yesterday, and during the middle of the NFL off-season, just as this issue was quieting down, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell announced that the league owners have voted on a measure to force all players and coaching staff to stand for the National Anthem as a show of respect for the flag. Those who do not wish to do so must stay in the locker room. As someone who makes a living advocating within the laws of this country as well as someone who served the same country in uniform, I am thoroughly appalled. Or in New York City terms…you gotta be fucking kidding me.  
Let’s discuss the Constitutional ramifications of this first. For those of you who see this as a 1st Amendment issue for the players, please shut the fuck up with your half-knowledge or you will only make it worse for the players and make yourself look like an idiot. The NFL football field is a private workplace, and they can decide at their own discretion what sort of expression they can allow on it. The plantation owners are in charge of the field, and this IS as Michael Wilbon of ESPN put it, a “plantation mentality” displayed by the predominantly white NFL owners. They can choose what is done on the field like the massas’ they are. In short…just because you have the right to do something, doesn’t mean it’s the right thing to do
However, you also cannot compel, and enforce by way of penalty, your own views on your workers. And why was this not collectively bargained for? The NFL Players Association shared the same sentiment responding to yesterday’s decision.
“The NFL chose to not consult the union in the development of this new ‘policy.’ NFL players have shown their patriotism through their social activism, their community service, in support of our military and law enforcement and yes, through their protests to raise awareness about the issues they care about.”
In short, the plantation owners, as usual, totally missed the mark and obviously have no understanding of patriotism. Forced patriotism is not patriotism, it is fascist nationalism disguised as love for country, all while violating its fundamental principles, and as usual, the stupid do not know the difference. If you are unaware that a fundamental American value, what the flag actually stands for, is to protest freely when you see something wrong, then you are disqualified from having a seriously considered opinion on this issue. If the players are brave enough to take some hits in the pocket (and I don’t mean Quaterbacks, but financially) If the NFL finds their Kurt Flood (Google it youngsters), then this case of forced patriotism can make it all the way up to the Supreme Court.
And then of course, there’s this asshole…

THIS WEEK’S REASON WHY DONALD TRUMP IS A FUCKTARD

While giving an interview to the only other kids at the table that will still talk to him, FOXNews, Trump lauded the NFL’s decision by saying “You have to stand proudly for the national anthem. Or you shouldn't be playing, you shouldn't be there. Maybe you shouldn't be in the country." OK Trump, but you do realize that you cannot send the predominantly black NFL back to Africa right? And of course this idiot is unaware that when these protests were first started by Colin Kaepernick, he consulted with actual veterans (something a draft-dodging coward like Trump wouldn’t understand) as to how to respectfully protest during the National anthem, and it was THEIR idea that he used. How this point is so sorely missed by those in charge of this decision is beyond me. The idiot also added that, "I brought it out. I think the people pushed it forward." I’m serious. This ignoramus not only took credit for something that he had no direct part of because he is a man baby still mad that the NFL rejected him, but also just admitted to violating the law, which prompted Kaepernick’s attorney Marc Geragos to tweet this:

Yeah I will let the code speak for itself. 
And I won’t even get into his letter to North Korea cancelling the summit in Singapore. Nobel Peace Prize? Sorry asshole, that is reserved for someone who actually did something for peace. Like Barack Obama! Welcome to the America we live in…someone get me a drink…or an enema...whichever is more accessible 

Sunday, December 31, 2017

The JB Random Report End of the Year Awards 2017


Well kids, it’s that time of year again, so possibly for the last time before the holocaust…

NEWS STORY OF THE YEAR – Years ago, when I started this blog, I would write once a week about the state of our United States of America on many fronts. I did what every writer would do, wrote what I liked, which was, and still is, politics, music and sports.
One of the things that my readers loved was how I would call out those who spouted what was either dishonest, ridiculous or flat out wrong. When you expose a lie or tell a joke about something you may find contemptuous, people respond to it, and hopefully minds open and things change.
I do not keep this up weekly anymore for many reasons. One is that I do not have the time on my hands I once did, but more importantly, facts do not seem to matter anymore. You see, I never set out to necessarily change anyone’s mind, just entertain and inform a bit. Maybe that sounds self-important, but I was just having fun. The problem is that minds have become so closed, it has become not even worth it to try and open them.
Now politics could be the most significant news story of any year, particularly in the times we are living in now, but I do not think that any story has been more captivating, more compelling or more quickly to cause an immediate change in the cultural landscape not only in politics, but in pretty much every form of the entertainment industry than finally bringing the horny to light.
Yes I believe that the story of the year was our reaction to, our failure to react to, sexual harassment. Yup…whether its politics or the entertainment business the horny have now been brought to light, and many a powerful man (so far it’s been just men) have been ruined due to their self-importance, arrogance and well, horniness.
So first let’s start with the entertainment business. This actually started last year with Bill Cosby, but blew up and out of control with Harvey Weinstein. Until this year, everyone was “outraged” but no one called for changes. Proof, yet again that much like Rock n Roll, you can be as gifted and talented as Chuck Berry, but the minute Elvis shows up…well, you know.
And not to be outdone by those liberal media entertainment types, Congress had its share of sexual harassment issues as well. There was a racist and accused child molester judge in Alabama running for Senate, and there was a Senator from Minnesota, Al Franken, who was accused of improprieties before he became Senator, mostly consisting of inappropriate touching, which could pretty much mean anything given the general nature of the accusations. Of course, the cowards in Congress, on the Democratic side I have to admit, refused to even acknowledge that equating what Al Franken was accused of and what Ray Moore (more on him later) was accused of was ridiculous and insulting to the American public. Even Republicans at their most ignorant were unable to justify the comparison, but Democrats were so enraptured in their own self-importance that they did it for them and are refusing to listen to the “will of the people” when 56% of voters in Minnesota do not want Franken to resign.
Now these accusations against such powerful people may have started a movement empowering victims to come forward with their stories so that crap like this never happens again, but we must be careful with making accusations, and lives cannot, and should not be ruined over unfounded accusations, or overzealous attacks on even the mildest of offences. One false accusation and the backlash could turn around and whup you on your own self-righteous ass. Like everything else, a perspective must be had, or this will go nowhere.
You cannot claim permanent damages just because you brushed up against it back in 2003. And in the words of Morrissey (who I never quote, but he kinda has a point this time) “Sometimes what you see as harassment is just a pathetic attempt at courtship.” So if you take this too far, then you will end up with people so afraid to interact with each other that the only acceptable way to communicate with anyone without getting arrested is through a fucking app. Now is that really the world we want to live in? Having your smartphone make your relationship decisions? Is the phone that fucking smart? Twenty years ago if anyone had predicted this you would accuse them of Orwellian paranoia. I may not be the most social of human beings, but I always thought that part of getting laid was that you had to at least have some sort of talking game. And a world where everyone lives in fear of interacting with one another for fear of being accused of harassment is certainly not one I want to live in.
My subjective threshold is not just the act of assaulting someone physically, it is also fear. Discomfort however, is not something anyone should consider a fireable offence. Someone glances at you out at work, they should not be called up to HR or made to sit through a seminar just because they are plain looking and do not live up to your expectations.
I would also remind those on the attack on this issue that you have a lot of light and a lot of power now, but if you make so much as one false allegation, your movement will lose credibility. If you start attack everyone who does not take as strong a position as you do on every aspect of this matter, then your movement will lose credibility. That’s why I think that Rose McGowan needs to chill, before someone whips out this old picture and reminds her that outfits like this might make her a target for both harassment and ridicule. When you are this desperate for attention, your credibility may be in question. When you attack Meryl Streep and other actors for not being as militant as you just because they are invited to a party that you are not, it makes you look ridiculous and takes away from the good you say are trying to do. “#Me Too” is a good start, give it a chance, Rose.
Then there are the accused that are becoming equally disturbing. Harvey Weinstein? OK there is a definite pattern of piggish behavior there, but Garrison Keillor? Really? Sure I was shocked, but mostly because I thought he was dead. The man lost his job because he put his hand on a woman’s shoulder when she was upset at something else. WTF? Kevin Spacey may be a bit creepy, but the accusation against him was that he propositioned someone at a party, they said no and went home. Well shit how many times has that happened? Do we all lose our jobs now? But my favorite is George HW Bush. What? George HW Bush? From his fucking wheelchair? Well yeah the horny have no bounds I guess, and are not limited, not even by physical infirmity. 
Now I believe the culture will change, I just hope it is for the better. 

QUOTE OF THE YEAR“Nevertheless, she persisted.” - Senator Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.), Feb. 7.
Leave it to this Republican asshole to be so out of touch that his criticism of a woman gave women a quote that they should continue to use as a rallying cry. When the Senate majority leader cut off Sen. Elizabeth Warren’s (D-Mass.) speech against attorney general nominee Sen. Jeff Sessions (R-Ala.), he accused Warren of attacking another senator’s character, which is apparently against the rules of the Senate? OK. “She was warned. She was given an explanation. Nevertheless, she persisted.” McConnell probably didn’t expect that the last sentence would become the soundtrack for women to speak out, run for political office, and otherwise engage more in the political process. So whether it was the Women’s March, the number of women running for office, the #MeToo movement, and more, women have “persisted” in speaking out.
Let’s hope it lasts, and more importantly, let’s not only make sure we remember this quote, but let’s continue to give its author credit every time a woman wins a political seat or makes this country a better place.

TV SHOW OF THE YEAR – “Brockmire” IFC.
I just realized that Netflix seems to have overtaken cable TV as the general public’s main form of TV watching. Maybe it’s just me but I do not have the time to be that heavily invested in the thin, lighted box that occupies my bedroom that I only turn on to disappoint and disillusion me as I fall asleep, so I really do not watch a lot of TV.
It has also been my experience that the TV shows I tend to like, are so outrageous and offensive that they end up getting cancelled after one season. Such is what I believed would be the fate of my pick for TV show of the year, but there will be a season 2. Seriously, Hank Azaria has created a character that is utterly hilarious and just all sorts of wrong. I love it, and you will too.  

ASSHOLE OF THE YEARHarvey Weinstein
Ever just look at someone and get totally grossed out? No explanation needed here, just look at this picture then scroll the fuck up.

OVERUSED PHRASE OF THE YEAR – “Groping”
Look, my views on this are already documented, but that doesn’t mean I want to hear it again. Seriously.

MOVIE OF THE YEAR “Blade Runner 2049”
Believe it or not, this was a tough one. Usually whatever Star Wars concoction comes out in any given year is the winner, but this year was a bit different. First off, “Blade Runner 2049” was awesome, I don’t give a shit what anyone else says. Remember the first “Blade Runner” was totally misunderstood and dismissed when it first came out as well, and the general public has gotten no wiser. I mean, just look no further than the idiot who they elected as President of the United States.  

COOLEST MOVIE WITH SOMEWHAT FAMOUS PEOPLE IN IT THAT YOU STILL DIDN’T (YET/PROBABLY) SEE BUT YOU SHOULD HAVE – “Wonder Wheel.”
I remember predicting that Cate Blanchett would win an Oscar for her role in Woody Allen’s “Blue Jasmine” and I was right. I don’t know about this year, but this was a good movie. One day I will write my thoughts on Woody Allen, but for now let’s just say he made another enjoyable film. I never thought that I would be praising Justin Timberlake’s fucking acting, but even I have to admit he was pretty solid. 

ALBUM OF THE YEAR – “Everything Now.” Arcade Fire. Yeah I know this may be the record that turns them into a lame pop band, but I still love the way they do things. It’s catchy and it kinda reminds me of those songs played during an inspirational montage in an 80’s teen movie. John Hughes would have loved these guys and put them on every soundtrack

COOLEST SONG BY A MAJOR ACT THAT WASN’T A BIG HIT – “Bones of Saints” – Robert Plant.
Much like Paul McCartney, Robert Plant has been a solo artist longer than the band that made him famous was active. Led Zeppelin is known for being a pioneering hard rock band, but a closer listen will reveal a great many musical influences, like Moroccan sounds that Plant still subtly incorporates into his music today. This is still very present in Plant’s 2017 offering, “Carry Fire.” Of course, the only radio station that even pretends to play music that matters is 90.7 WFUV, and had it not been for this station I have to admit, I might not have even known about this album.
Honorable mention goes to Depeche Mode for “Where’s the Revolution.” 

COOLEST SONG OF THE YEAR – “Across the Room” Odesza featuring Leon Bridges. Neo-Soul is making a comeback that is, of course, not even noticed on mainstream (lamestream) radio. While they are busy with Beyoncé, Justin Bieber and equally shitty collaborations by equally shitty so-called artists, this brilliant collaboration went mostly unnoticed, but not by anyone who actually likes music.

COOLEST ACT OF THE YEAR – The xx.
Yes there were some bigger acts this year, but if I had to pick that one “cool band that just you and a few of your friends know about” it would be this one.  Thank you again 90.7 WFUV.




SPORTS TEAM OF THE YEARThe Houston Astros, MLB.


Much like the much maligned Philadelphia 76ers, the Astros implemented their own version of what has now become known as “the process.” That is, to tank for a few years to get high draft picks, then develop those picks as you play along for a few seasons, regardless of whether or not you are acting in good faith by not really putting the best team possible on the field. I remember when this Houston team lost 101 games in and were nothing short of a complete and utter laughingstock. Well who is laughing now? They managed to beat a very good, ahead of schedule in the process New York Yankees team to make it to, then win, the World Series. 

ATHLETE OF THE YEAR – Colin Kaepernick, Free Agent, NFL.
If there was one reason I probably should have blogged more this year, it would have been to address this rather polarizing situation with Kaepernick. Believe it or not, I am not here to write this guy’s canon for sainthood, in fact, I have a few problems with him. So let’s start from the beginning, shall we?
There are people who think that when he started this “kneeling down during the anthem” protest a few years back, it was simply a calculated move by Kaepernick to agitate his employers, The San Francisco 49ers, because he knew he was going to lose his starting QB position. And, yeah, this is a plausible theory considering that his play had declined, but who cares? Just because it may have been calculated and selfishly motivated, does not mean it was wrong.
Since then however, he has allowed the narrative to slip away from him, and if he is to have any further consequential effect on this issue, he needs to get it back. First of all, he needs to address the accusation that his protest against police brutality and justice in America, is somehow Un-American, disrespectful to the flag or disrespectful to those who served in uniform under it. All these accusations are wrong for one simple reason that no one seems to be talking about: When Kaepernick first thought to protest, he asked military personnel how to do it, and it was THEY who suggested kneeling when the National Anthem was played. This was not something Kaepernick pulled out of his ass, this is something that he took the time to research as to make sure that he wouldn’t offend the military. Why do you think no one who actually served, said he was being disrespectful? It was only cowards like Donald Trump, who got five deferments so that he wouldn’t have to serve, or FOX News that never does any research and is a joke of a partisan news organization, more concerned with which female staffer to grope that actual news, that were critical of the movement? Not anyone who matters. Kaepernick did nothing to illustrate this very important point in his defense.
Then there is the problem I have with this guy. Like it or not, Mr. Kaepernick, your actions started a movement, a movement that even though it has become bigger than you, you can still control. But you will not get any support from people if you actually declare that you DON’T VOTE!?!?! Dude, what are you thinking? You cannot send this message and expect change to happen. It is borderline hypocritical to illustrate that which is wrong with America, then refuse to participate in its greatest tool for change. Don’t you know that even if the election for President might be flawed, direct elections are constantly held for judges, local politicians, and legislative proposals? It is those things that have a greater more direct, more immediate impact on the lives of citizens, and he should be encouraging and participating in them. Maybe I should restrict this award in the future to on-the-field accomplishments, but this is one time I couldn’t ignore the off-the-field movement so forgive me.    

BIGOTED ASSHOLE OF THE YEARJudge Roy Moore
Much like LeBron James is the NBA MVP every year even though he may not get the trophy, Donald Trump is fit to win this award every year. But much like the NBA I am also gonna mix it up a bit, and give it to someone as a final parting gift. That’s right… Who else but the gun totin’, ugly vest wearin’, child molestin’, racist, good ol’ boy Roy Moore? Yes, the man accused by multiple women of child molestation and who was banned from a mall as a middle-aged man because he was making the teenaged girls uncomfortable, was really a Senatorial candidate in the great state of Alabama. He also was quoted as saying that things were better when we still had slavery. Wow, just think about how we are gonna look back at these times. 

DEAD PERSON OF THE YEAR – Chuck Berry.
To be honest, the fact that I even have to write this entry to justify my position on the importance of Chuck Berry is a bit insulting and yet a further example of the dumbing down of American society. A dumbing down primarily due to a serious lack of appreciation or understanding of history.

Here’s hoping the New Year brings you everything you want! And of course…FUCK DONALD TRUMP!!