Monday, January 1, 2024

The JB Random Report End of the Year Awards 2023

 Well kids, it’s that time of year again…

NEWS STORY OF THE YEARWar

What is it good for? Absolutely nothing. Really. That’s it. The world is literally at war everywhere. Whether its everyday wars in nations that mainstream media doesn’t care about, tensions in the South China Sea, Vladimir Putin’s war in Ukraine, or Israel pretty much decimating the Gaza Strip, the World is becoming a dangerous place rather quickly.

What is so compelling about both these latter conflicts, is that they are so deep-rooted it doesn’t look there will be a peaceful ending in sight any time soon. Putin is a megalomaniacal dictator with no one close to him willing to tell him the truth, which if historically symmetrical, will end with him in a bunker shooting himself and his girlfriend, as Allied troops close in.

Israel however, presents a much more complicated problem. The Western states have stood by Israel for decades, and rightfully so. After World War II the creation of a Jewish state was necessary. To say that anyone else “was there first” is actually misleading, given the fact that the Dome of the Rock is built on the Temple Mount (look it up, I’m exhausted). However, just because you may agree with Israel’s right to exist, and to defend itself, that does not mean you have to just blindly agree with how they are defending themselves. And that is where I have a problem.

The images coming from Gaza of dead children are disturbing to say the least, and if it is terrorism you are fighting, then hearts and minds must be won (a lesson that the United States failed to learn in Iraq and Afghanistan), and you do not win them by killing children or attacking hospitals. Yes Hamas has illegally used hospitals as headquarters, but these people are terrorists, they will not follow the rules of war or the Geneva Convention. Israel is a recognized state, and they are not behaving like one. And what is worse, from a tactical standpoint, Israel has one of the best Special Forces units in the world, and should have used them in operations to mitigate civilian casualties. Yes that is a risk, but that is the obligation of a civilized nation, and Israel is failing in that regard. So much so, that they have garnered sympathy for a terrorist organization like Hamas, here in the US, and that can be very dangerous.

Remember Americans love to have something to scream about, even if they have no idea what the fuck it is. Just last week there was a march on 5th Avenue, right in front of the Christmas season tourists, that began as a pro-peace demonstration, and ended up being peppered with signs of “Fuck Israel” and sympathy towards the government of Gaza, which is run by Hamas. So Israel’s actions have gotten the ignorant woke mob to support a terrorist organization. Please do better.

QUOTE OF THE YEAR“Deeming race irrelevant in law does not make it so in life.”

U.S. Supreme Court Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson, dissenting opinion on Students for Fair Admissions Inc. v. President and Fellows of Harvard College, June 29, 2023.

If there is one quote that perfectly summarizes what we are going through as a nation right now, it is this one. My God we were so close. To go back so far so fast, is something I never thought I would see happen to a country I love so much. Who would have thought that in only 5 short years, we would once again be a nation that unfairly levels the playing field in academia, and would deny a woman the right to choose what to do with her own body? Still think your vote doesn’t matter? How is that fashionable indifference and neutrality working for you now? If you do not know the importance of this particular Supreme Court decision, I don’t have the time or the energy, so look it up. If you are a person of color and still don’t know what it is, shame on you.   


TV SHOW OF THE YEAR – “Only Murders in the Building”

I would have thought that by now the same premise would not be entertaining anymore, but these people just seem to find a way to make this show so enjoyable every time. This year saw the participation of Paul Rudd and the great Meryl Streep. I think eventually they are gonna run out of people to kill, but this is a fun show to watch.

ASSHOLE OF THE YEARRudolph Giuliani

I cannot be the only one who remembers how admired this man once was. How he held New York City together after 9/11. How he brought down the Mafia as a prosecutor in the 1980’s. Never has the expression “how the mighty have fallen” ever been better personified.

What is worse, is that I will never understand the “why” of it all. Why would such a seemingly intelligent man hitch his wagon so firmly behind a criminal traitor and blissful incompetent like Donald Trump (runner up for this award this year, btw)? Not only that, but even after he declared his loyalty to his Fuhrer, he had so many chances to bow out, but instead doubled down and is now facing disbarment, bankruptcy, losing court verdicts, and possibly even jail time. I usually have no problem laughing at people like this, but this time I actually feel a little bad for this guy. OK…whew! That passed…yeah he is still an asshole…

PERSON OF THE YEARJerome Powell, Chairman of the Federal Reserve

If there is one thing I HATE is agreeing with any other publication but my own, and I hate it even more when another publication beats me to the punch. So glad to say that, TIME Magazine’s Person of the Year, is Taylor Swift and mine…is not. No hate, but it’s just not.

I know many of you have probably never heard of him, but let me tell you why Jerome Powell, who has been Chairman of the Federal Reserve since February 2018, has won this award: For some inexplicable, non fact based reason, inflation is something that President Joe Biden’s critics have been blaming him for, even though Biden doesn’t regulate prices. If he did, the GOP would cry too much regulation, the same way they criticized him last year for, and I’m serious, gas prices being too low, after they were at first too high. Powell, unconcerned with politics, has played a key role managing high inflation in the U.S. One his subtle strategies was the concept of something called a“soft landing.” This, in theory, reduces inflation by raising interest rates without causing a recession. If you have ever taken economics, you know this is no easy task. At the beginning of the year, Republicans were animatedly reminding the country how high and out of control inflation was, not hearing much about that now are we? Well you can thank Mr. Powell and his policy for that. The purchasing power of the United States and the World economies that depend on it are also grateful I’m sure

BIGOTED ASSHOLE OF THE YEAR - Vivek Ramaswamy, Politician GOP Presidential Candidate

OK so this asshole is at such a high level of asshole-ishness, that sometimes I think he is some sort of parody or a CIA plant. Seriously have you ever seen such a level of unaware self-loathing on someone who isn’t pathologically insane? The fact that he doesn’t realize that he is merely a Desi Uncle Tom that the GOP just likes to watch dance and will never take him or his candidacy seriously is enough to make this guy a sad clown. Then, instead of acknowledging his diversity he actually doubles down on GOP hate by saying that even children of immigrants born in the US should not be here, seemingly blissfully unaware that he wouldn’t be here if that were the case. Maybe he is a vampire and cannot see his own brown ass in a mirror. 

OVERUSED PHRASE OF THE YEAR – “Rizz”

OK I know this is short for “charisma” for you young folks, but maybe think this through a little more. Change one letter and this takes on a whole different meaning.


MOVIE OF THE YEAR – “Asteroid City”

Look everyone knows that I am a huge fan of Wes Anderson, and that even his lesser-received films are classics to me. I was hyped just to see Tom Hanks delivering dead pan lines a la Anderson, and I have to say I wasn’t disappointed. And yeah, a well-placed Scarlett Johansson nude scene certainly doesn’t hurt either. 

ALBUM OF THE YEAR – “Hackney Diamonds” – The Rolling Stones.

Ok hear me out: So Paul McCartney plays bass on a song on this album. Ringo is still alive and doesn’t seem to be busy right now. Bill Wyman is retired and Charlie Watts is dead…see where I’m going with this? I even have a great name for this supergroup that incorporates both their bands. How about The Rolling Bones? Get it? They’re old! Ok, don’t unfriend me…

When I thought about this particular entry, I really had to ask myself whether or not I was being objective. See, this is my all-time favorite band, and I didn’t want to give them this award unless this album really was the best music I had heard all year. A year that had some pretty good stuff come out. Truth is, I didn’t wanna give them this award, but the record is just too good. I was also thinking maybe next year I’ll make this section a “Top 3” or something, because Bully, Depeche Mode, Foo Fighters, and The National all made really memorable albums this year.

COOLEST SONG BY A MAJOR BAND OR ACT THAT WASN’T A BIG HIT – “Under You” – Foo Fighters.

They are already talking about “But Here We Are” for Rock album of the year. I personally have a different choice, but this record is still awesome. I, as all other music heads are aware, realize that Rock music has gone the way of great jazz music: only appreciated now by a learned few, but I am still surprised that this record didn’t make more of an impact this year. Yes I know that “Rescued” seems to be the song that is getting its proverbial ass kissed on social media, but this one is my favorite. It just sounds so much like the band I always knew, and that is very comforting in an age of such shitty Pop music. Honorable mention goes to “Somewhere” by Johnny Marr.


COOLEST SONG OF THE YEAR – “103” – The Kills.


I knew very little about this band until this song seemed to just hypnotize me. Oh and honorable mention goes to “Mourning Dove” by Screaming Females, and “Tropic Morning News” by The National.

COOLEST ACT OF THE YEAR – The National.

Other bands had a great year as afore mentioned, but this band released not one, but two albums in this calendar year, and they were both really good. Being called “Dad Rock” if Dad is the only one with a functioning, articulate brain is not ageism I guess. 

BOOK OF THE YEAR  - “Tuesdays With Morrie” – Mitch Albom

I always admit that for someone with a library at home, I really do not read many newly released titles. This year was no exception. I read nothing published this year, sorry.

However, on my way out the door on my way to the airport, I decided to take “Tuesdays With Morrie,“ a book first published in 1997, off my shelf because it was an easy to carry paperback and I had never gotten around to reading it. How pleasantly surprised I was.

SPORTS TEAM OF THE YEARThe Denver Nuggets NBA

Watching any franchise win their first ever championship is a cool thing, even if you are not a fan of the team. The Nuggets have had many good teams throughout the years. I remember the high scoring teams of Alex English in the 1980’s, and the athletic team lead by Dikembe Mutombo, Robert Pack and Mahmoud Abdul Rauf that upset the #1 seed Seattle Supersonics in the 1994 playoffs. This incarnation is not nearly as flashy, but they can certainly play. Led by Nikola Jokic this team just makes it look easy, and they do it quietly. They dominated the whole season with little fanfare, on their way to the franchise’s first ever championship.

ATHLETE OF THE YEAR – Naoya Inoue, Boxing

When was the last time Japan gave us a legit champion caliber boxer? This guy is rewriting history either way, and I already wanna give him that whole “pound for pound” thing.

So in 2022 he becomes the champ at 118 pounds, and decides why not jump to 122, just for the fun of it, right? Well why just do that when you can fight Stephen Fulton, the champion at 122, in less than a year? So what does Inoue do? Hands him an 8 round beating and relieves him of his belts. And why settle for that when you can just, in your next fight, unify the belts by beating Marlon Tapales? So yeah he did that too. Other than that, did anyone else notice this guy? Don’t worry, you will this year.

DEAD PERSON OF THE YEARI always start this entry reflecting on not just one person, because a loss is only measured by how much the person who is gone has meant to society, or to our own lives, and that can mean so many people to so many people, know what I mean? This year, I really can’t come up with just one person that has meant a monumental loss to society. 

Tina Turner was a significant loss to music. Norman Lear pretty much changed how the entire world watches television. Justice Sandra Day O’Connor made history as the first woman ever to be appointed to the Supreme Court, and Rosalynn Carter made the world a better place alongside her husband, President Jimmy Carter, in the second act of his life as an activist and statesman, who even at his advanced age, was still seen working on construction sites of housing for the homeless. Keep them all in your heart should you chose to do so…

Here’s hoping the New Year brings you everything you want!

Saturday, December 31, 2022

The JB Random Report End of the Year Awards 2022

Well kids, it’s that time of year again, so let’s do some reflecting, shall we?

NEWS STORY OF THE YEAR Inflation

Everything is more expensive, isn’t it? Yea, and it’s happening slowly enough for you not to notice. Look, let me make a suggestion to you: Never stop going to the market to get your own groceries. It is the only way to remain in touch with what is going on in the world, let me tell you why. There are two places where inflation is felt almost immediately, and that is the supermarket and the gas station. You can listen to all these so-called financial gurus all you want, but the best way to really monitor the pulse of this or any nation’s economy is at the two places aforementioned. Right now, prices at both are incredibly high and you should be demanding more answers considering that jobs are available and corporate gains are at record highs.  

Yes I am taking a bit of an over-simplified approach to this issue, but that is only because the common working individual is doing the same thing, and it is their perception that ultimately matters.   

PERSON OF THE YEAR – President Volodymyr Zelenskyy of Ukraine

I really fucking hate it when I agree with Time magazine, not because they are not to be agreed with, but because it seems almost unoriginal and uninspired. But I cannot deny it, yet again, that they go this one right.

This man has shown incredible resilience and courage staying in his worn torn country to fight off Russian aggression. For a guy who started off as a TV comedian, he is now standing very much on the front lines of this war. A war where he is heavily outnumbered and outgunned. Yet a war that his country seems to be winning. It was inspiring to see him speak to Congress here in the US a few weeks ago.

Zelenskyy also gave us the quote of the year, by the way (see below).

QUOTE OF THE YEAR - President Volodymyr Zelenskyy of Ukraine

When asked by representatives of the United States government if he would like to be evacuated from his war torn country, Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy replied, “The fight is here. I need ammunition, not a ride” If this guy survives this war, he is gonna be president a long time.

TV SHOW OF THE YEAR “Extraordinary Attorney Woo” – Netflix

The premise of this show is very plausible, and contrary to the show’s critics, I do not think that the topic of mental illness was handled irresponsibly. When you decide to deal with such a controversial theme, you will undoubtedly have critics. That aside, what can I say…18 episodes and I cried at least once in every one of them. Guess I’m just a tender hearted person. Right?

ASSHOLE OF THE YEARDonald Trump

People often tell me, “Jes, why continue to pick on Trump? He is done.” Well is he really? Yes it is true that even his cowardly enablers and ass-kissers in Congress like Mitch McConnell have said that he “no longer has the political clout he once did.” That is no reason to think that someone as pathologically narcissistic as Trump would believe that he is done. I mean, in case you missed it, he did announce that he was running for President again in 2024.

On Friday six years of Trump tax returns were finally released to the public, and I must say they raise considerably more questions than answers. This is probably why Trump had fought so hard to keep them from the public. Why did he still have foreign bank accounts as president? Why did he pay no taxes in 2020, the last year of his presidency?

This asshole is the subject of at least four major investigations into wrongdoing relating to his handling of White House documents, the election, the insurrection, and his finances. The most significant cases being in Florida; Fulton County, Georgia; Washington, DC; and New York.

Trump's business was also convicted in state court in Manhattan for a payroll tax-dodge scheme, earning the company felony status and a likely $1.6 million fine.

Then there is a civil lawsuit state Attorney General Letitia James filed Wednesday against Donald Trump, his businesses and several of his children over alleged fraud. And that’s just this week!

Prior to this most recent lawsuit, Trump has been involved in 22 criminal and civil legal investigations, 19 of which are currently ongoing. I wanted to give you a few sentences on each one so that my readers could have a better understanding of them, but it’s just too fucking exhausting, Google that shit. That’s what search engines are for…

VIRAL CLIP OF THE YEARThe Wednesday Addams Dance Scene – “Wednesday” Netflix

I really debated whether or not this should even be a category, but how can you not love this clip? I know it’s kinda bandwagon jumping, but the fact that it brought a great underrated band like The Cramps back on the pop culture radar is a bit similar to Kate Bush’s much deserved resurrection because of “Stranger Things.”

So go ahead Jenna Ortega/Wednesday Adams, the moment may only last 15 minutes according to Warhol, but it is most certainly yours…


BOOK OF THE YEAR – “Surrender: 40 Songs, One Story“ - Bono

Just cuz it was the only new book I read this year, doesn’t mean it wasn’t entertaining. If you are a songwriter, you have to be very careful not to think you are a novelist. It is, a totally different discipline. You are more of a poet. However, Bono does manage to pull it off.

First of all, he is a great storyteller, so that helps. Not everyone’s life is interesting, so if you are going to write something autobiographical, you can epically fail if you do not know when and how to embellish, and when and how to be poetic. I have to say this book did keep me reading it, so I guess that really is all that matters isn’t it?

MOVIE OF THE YEAR “Everything Everywhere All at Once”

Ok so I had no idea that this movie even existed, much less had come out this year. I was on a 14 hour flight from JFK to Tokyo when I figured that I might as well watch a movie. The idea of Multiverses (more than one Universe existing at the same time. Longer conversation required) has always been fascinating to me.

This film is not a documentary however, it is a work of fiction that tells a story within that idea. I found every bit of this film fascinating, even if some of it takes a while to understand.  

COOLEST MOVIE WITH SOMEWHAT FAMOUS PEOPLE IN IT THAT YOU STILL DIDN’T (YET/PROBABLY) SEE BUT YOU SHOULD HAVE – “The Banshees of Inisherin”

If there are two people that I have always thought had great chemistry it was Brendon Gleeson and Colin Ferrell. “In Bruges” was the first movie they were together in, and I found that so enjoyable I gave it to some friends as Christmas gifts. This film is a bit darker, but equally enjoyable due to the way these two actors seem to have a great time interacting with each other.

Now I must warn you, this movie is not “In Bruges.” It is in fact, considerably darker and more twisted, but equally entertaining.

DOCUMENTARY OF THE YEAR“The Tinder Swindler.” - Netflix

There are SO many documentaries, on pretty much anything, on SO many streaming services, that you are not gonna watch every one of them. I know I can’t, so I can only choose from those which I did watch.

This particular movie was fascinating, and no, I have no sympathy for either side. For the women who were conned by this guy, let’s be honest, if the dude drove a bus, you wouldn’t have given him the time of day to even let him smell your used panties. You paid attention to him because he was rich, not because he was a person of substance. That is on you, not him. Do I believe that all of the women in this film were gold-diggers? Of course not, but maybe value something more than money or appearances and you will make better choices in the future. In the long run, girls who marry old men for money are never truly happy, and convincing themselves that they are can be very exhausting emotionally.

As for Mr. Shimon Hayut, he did indeed prey on some women’s love for money and status, and he certainly cannot be blamed for what some women are attracted to, but he did break the law, and he deserved A LOT more prison time. In the end, there are no real victims or martyrs here, just a bunch of self-entitled brats that got what they deserved. Still an incredibly gripping watch however.

ALBUM OF THE YEAR – “I Don’t Live Here Anymore (Deluxe Edition)” – The War On Drugs

I know it was a tie last year because truthfully I just really loved both those albums. I have to say that this year was equally difficult to choose, which I must admit was refreshing given the rants I go on about how shitty music is today. I love having to admit that there are some pretty good bands making some pretty good music lately, you just don’t hear them unless you listen to college radio.

The first incarnation of this record was pretty good, but the deluxe version added some songs that I couldn’t believe didn’t make the first cut. Look, unless you are a truly great established band, don’t make a double album. You are not The Rolling Stones (Exile on Main Street) The Beatles (The Beatles) or Led Zeppelin (Physical Graffiti) no one gives a shit about your overblown sense of self-importance (Looking at YOU Beach House, although Once Twice Melody was a pretty good album in some places). But there are some instances where what is on the cutting room floor isn’t so bad.

COOLEST SONG BY A MAJOR ACT THAT WASN’T A BIG HIT – “Here To Forever” – Death Cab For Cutie

God how I have always hated that fucking name. But this is a nice song.

COOLEST SONG OF THE YEAR – “I Like You (A Happier Song)” Post Malone, Doja Cat

Don’t let the name fool you, this is definitely NSFW. I cannot say I am a major fan of either of these two, but this song is catchy. You know, I think mainstream radio would have responded even more with a decent clean version of this song. I do not know why acts today insist on making people censor them. It’s not necessarily novel anymore, so why still do it?

COOLEST SONG OF THE YEAR BY A BAND YOU’VE NEVER HEARD OF“the angel of 8th avenue” – Gang of Youths

Look, the lack of capital letters in the title is not my doing, that’s how the song is listed. So hipster bullshit attempt to be cool aside, this song is really cool. It is one of those New York City rock songs, from a band, oddly enough, that isn’t even from New York. 

COOLEST ACT OF THE YEAR – Soccer Mommy

You thought it was gonna be Japanese Breakfast, didn’t you? Yeah I liked that album too, it was great, but nah…gonna go with Soccer Mommy because I’m not a bandwagon jumper and these guys were cool. A great album is one that you can listen to without skipping a song. “Sometimes, Forever” did that for me this year. Is it the next “In Utero?” No, but what the fuck is?

SPORTS TEAM OF THE YEARThe National Football Team of Argentina

If you know me, you know the Soccer team I root for, and have rooted for since I was a child, and that is the national team of Argentina. I guess it started growing up in a neighborhood full of Latinos and the only team making any sort of international dent was Argentina.

For Lionel Messi, arguably the nation’s greatest player, it was sweet vindication as he had obtained every conceivable award as a player, but until now, a World Cup Championship had long eluded him. Then there is Andres Cantor, World Cup announcer who was born in Buenos Aires, whose sheer joy reminded us that we are all human.

But of all this joy, there is still one thing I can’t get out of my mind: Can you imagine if Diego Armando Maradona were alive to have seen this happen? The memes, the stories, the comments would have been phenomenal.

ATHLETE OF THE YEAR – Aaron Judge, New York Yankees MLB

I don’t if he is this year’s greatest athlete, or the athlete who had the greatest year. But in just 12 short months, this guy went from having a mildly good season last year where he did have some injuries, to this year, which was one for the ages.

Let’s go the field first shall we? Judge’s quest to break the American League single season homerun held by Yankee legend Roger Maris since 1961 was a wonder to behold. I was at the game where he hit his 60th in a comeback win and I had never seen the new stadium break out into such ear-splitting cheers in my life. I will at least not at this time, participate in the argument that Judge is the legitimate single season homerun record holder due to the accusations leveled on the actual leader of steroid use. I will just say that living in New York City has great stories every year, and this was one of them.

It was the 62 homeruns, combining with a .311 batting average and a league leading 135 RBIs that had Judge flirting with the triple crown all year, and ultimately lead him to becoming the 14th Yankee to win the American League MVP. He also led all of MLB in not just homers and RBI, but in runs scored, total bases, and slugging. A year like that and it is easy to see why he is the first Yankee to do it since Alex Rodriguez in 2007.

So how tense do you think those winter meetings were, huh? I have to admit I really was totally convinced that Judge would always re-sign with the Yankees until I heard the other teams offers. But the ownership not only gave him 9 years at $360 million, which in baseball terms is actually a fair deal, but they also named him captain of the team, the first since Derek Jeter. Quite the ride.

OVERRATED ATHLETE OF THE YEAR – Christiano Ronaldo - Soccer (Football)

You know, it has always been easy to hate on this guy, and I always thought that it was a bit undeserved.

It’s not his fault that he is both talented at his profession while being incredibly good looking. I mean, I can certainly relate…

This year however, was a considerable cliff for this guy. His former club team, the legendary Manchester United, didn’t play him much at the end of the season. To add insult to injury, he was also benched playing for Portugal in the World Cup. Once again, not totally his doing. But what bothered me about this guy is where he signed to play this year.

After such a forgettable year by one of soccer’s greatest players, you’d think his next contract would give him a reported $75 million a year, but guess what? It did. Saudi Arabian club Al-Nassr decided to give him that even after watching the controversial manner in which he left Manchester United. Guess when you have a name that big, it doesn’t matter how well you played the year before. Given the level of competition in the desert, I think he may well get some numbers, but this is a show biz move, not an on the field move.

Can I also mention that last year’s winner of this award is actually thriving coming off the bench for The Los Angeles Lakers?

BELOVED ATHLETE WHO REALLY SHOULD RETIRE – Tom Brady, Quarterback, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, NFL.

Think I’m gonna go with Tom Brady, even though I wouldn’t call him “beloved.” Look, the fact that this guy has been not only playing, but thriving as an NFL quarterback well after age 40, makes him one of the greatest ever, not to mention that he has a multi-million dollar TV contract waiting for him after he hangs it up, so why keep doing this?

Look at what it has cost him. Yes his team is in 1st place in their division, but they are also below .500 and struggling against good teams. He is losing his cool at his teammates very publically and that has never been his style. Not to mention the toll his decision to come out of retirement has taken on his personal life. Something that also, until now, had been quite private.

Look, I may never have been a fan, but he has given enough to this game, time to enjoy the rest of your life.

BIGOTED ASSHOLE(S) OF THE YEARWell, it Ain’t Just One, and They are NOT From Jackson Heights

You know what is odd? As I was writing this, I couldn’t come up with just one person that has personified bigotry this year. What I kept thinking about was how bigotry as a whole is just dramatically on the rise in the United States and the question that keeps popping up is when did we all become such pussies? Why and when exactly did we become so afraid of people?

Seriously I thought that as a whole, this country had progressed to a point where attacks against immigrants and the LGBTQ community would not be this bad, but they are. And this is an example I may hate to use, but I have to be objective.

One of the most diverse communities in the world is a place I have been more than happy to call my home since I was a child. I was here when it was not so great, and I had to walk over passed out heroin addicts in the subway, and I am here now, having survived gentrification but watching my neighborhood improve to the level of a place where me and my friends always promised each other that we would move our parents to one day.

In Jackson Heights we have always been tolerant. Even when the neighborhood was at its roughest, we were never bigots. Which is why I can say with certainty that NONE of the cowards who called themselves “Protestors,” harassing members of the LGBTQ community who just wanted to read to kids, were recognized by a lifelong resident of this neighborhood. I still cannot believe that bigots were protesting in front of my library, against a group of people that had done nothing to them. I can assure you that those few assholes do not represent who we are as a community. Oh, and next time, if you wanna give a Nazi salute in my neighborhood, do it without the mask so we can recognize you. Let’s see how far you get then.      
DEAD PERSON OF THE YEAR – Her Royal Majesty Queen Elizabeth II


We lost some greats this year, as we do every year, Jerry Lee Lewis, Barbara Walters, Mikhail Gorbachev, Vin Scully, Bill Russell, Pele (an all-time great human, not just athlete) and Pope Benedict XVI (maybe not great, but certainly significant).

But I think I am gonna go with Her Royal Majesty Queen Elizabeth II. Look, I’m not gonna get into a debate about the British Royal family, or monarchies in general, but what you cannot deny is how incredibly significant this woman’s life was. She managed the slow decline of the British Empire with a rare dignity. She kept up a fierce schedule well into her 90’s and did her absolute best to represent her country in the best way possible. That is not deniable. She handled controversy with distance and clarity, rarely showing emotion, and this was not always admired by all. Keep calm and carry on was written for her.

Here’s hoping the New Year brings you everything you want!

Friday, June 24, 2022

OK, So This is Where We Are, and This is How We Got Here

“Give him a chance”

“All politicians are the same”

“But her emails”

Make no mistake, this phony cynicism, complete indifference, lazy ignorance and outright stupidity is what has today, turned the United States of America, the greatest experiment in democracy in human history, into the world of  “The Handmaid’s Tale.

Do you think that the Supreme Court of the United States, in today’s decision to overturn “Roe vs. Wade” even took into account that a Gallup poll showed that this is not even what the majority of Americans wanted? This decision has absolutely NOTHING to do with abortion, and everything to do with a group of angry old white men wanting to control women’s bodies because they are still bitter that they couldn’t get laid in high school.

So, still think elections don’t matter? Justices Neil Gorsuch, Brett Kavanaugh and Amy Coney Barrett, were all appointed by a twice impeached, lying, ignorant, racist, fascist, misogynistic, xenophobic, unqualified, pussy grabbing, five time draft dodging coward, useful idiot Russian asset and criminal traitor with American blood on his tiny, incompetent hands. All three should be impeached by the way, for lying under oath during their confirmation hearings when asked whether or not they believed Roe was settled law.

I could go on, I am so upset that a rant probably is in order, but the context is too important, and I do not want to diminish anyone’s attention span, so I will ask you to look beyond this decision and think about the long term ramifications of the reasoning.

The opinion was about 78 pages long, with a 30 page appendix. That’s a whole lotta paper used to distract you from the fact that the reasoning, at its fundamental core, says that there is no inherent right to privacy or personal autonomy in any provisions of the US Constitution — and similarly, no evidence that peoples' reliance on the court's abortion precedents over the past half century should matter. (kinda makes that whole “Bill of Rights” thing a tad inconvenient, doesn’t it?) Do you realize what this means for previous Court decisions concerning marriage and gender equality? Do think that Alito’s wording that “nothing in this opinion should be understood to cast doubt on precedents that do not concern abortion,”  is really gonna mean shit to the unqualified lapdogs that were put on the SCOTUS by that pig Donald Trump? Who incidentally has been accused of paying for at last count, EIGHT abortions for his porn star mistresses. 

See? Not about the act, it's about control

Friday, December 31, 2021

The JB Random Report End of the Year Awards 2021

“Well kids, it’s that time of year again, I must say this decade flew by in a flash, and just how the fuck are we still alive?”

If you remember, this was actually the headline of LAST year’s JB Random Report End of the Year Awards. I used it almost tongue in cheek-ly. Now it really is a question that needs to be asked seriously, even if this has always been a somewhat lighthearted look at the events of the past year…

NEWS STORY OF THE YEARDemocracy being under attack and Republicans not seeming to care

So…January 6th huh? 

Next week, it would have been a year since democracy in the United States, the country that once symbolized its modern form, almost really came to an end. What is worse, is that Republican lawmakers who historically attacked anyone who they didn’t feel were patriotic enough, seemed to turn a blind eye when their country was attacked by insurgents.
What infuriates me the most about this is the indifference that Republicans, other than Liz Cheney seem to have over the matter. So let’s not forget their lies and cowardice, shall we? Here are but a few gems that will hopefully resonate throughout history when needed:

Rep. Andrew Clyde (R-Ga.)
say “You know, if you didn’t know the TV footage was a video from Jan. 6, you’d think it was a normal tourist visit.”
Rep. Paul Gosar (R-Ariz.) said Ashli Babbitt, a rioter shot and killed by a Capitol Police officer as she tried to jump through a window smashed by the mob right outside the House chamber was a “veteran wrapped in an American flag” who was “executed.”
Rep. Ralph Norman (R-S.C.) “I don't know who did a poll to say that they were Trump supporters,” Norman said of the mob, many of whom were carrying signs or wearing clothing indicating their support for Trump.
Rep. Jody Hice (R-Ga.) “In fact, it was Trump supporters who lost their lives that day, not Trump supporters who were taking the lives of others.”
As of today, five Capitol Police officers have died by either stroke or suicide, and there is no arguing that the riot of January 6th did not exasperate the causes which lead them there, so fuck these assholes. Mind you, these are actually fucking lawmakers. Senators and congressmen. Saying that this was some sort of innocuous event. Cowering so pathetically to the popularity that Donald Trump has with their ignorant racist base, that they are willing to look past an insurrection that cost lives, and has to date lead to 700 arrests in 45 states.

Is this the country you want to live in?

 PERSON OF THE YEAR Alexei Navalny, Russian Lawyer and Activist

Well yeah, it’s not gonna be Elon Musk. What were you thinking Time Magazine? I know he is friends with the owner, but come on. You can do so much better than a billionaire playing astronaut. You know who won their readers poll? Brazilian President and Trump wanna-be Jair Bolsonaro. Damn. 
I seriously thought of Capitol Police Officer Eugene Goodman, but someone on the internet beat me to it. 
I went with Russian anti-corruption activist Alexei Navalny, because he has bigger balls than anyone and I hate Vladimir Putin. For those of you who don’t know, he was the guy that Putin tried to have killed in Germany using his old KGB method of radiation poisoning. Navalny not only recovered, but decided to go back to fucking Russia. Proving that nothing scares a gutless bully more than a single man without fear, Putin promptly had him arrested and suppressed all protests calling for his release. He still sits in prison now, a symbol of how fragile and corrupt Putin’s dictatorship is. 

TV SHOW OF THE YEAR The “Peaky FOOKIN’ Blinders” – Netflix

For me? Well that’s the beauty of streaming combined with a pandemic. I can be so late to the party but still appreciate a great show. So this program started years ago, and given the fact that one of the actors has died, its future is uncertain, but I did not enjoy watching a show more this year than this one. and all the memes it inspired too. 
Yes I know it is not technically “this years” show, but who cares, now is when I appreciated it and it’s my list.

ASSHOLE OF THE YEARSen. Joe Manchin (D?-WV)

The one asshole that is holding back one of the most important pieces of legislation since the Affordable Care Act is this asshole from West Virginia, and all of us should be baffled as to why. A great question for another time is “when was the last time Republicans passed any significant legislation, much less a bill that actually helped Americans and made their lives better? So here is President Joe Biden, with a narrow majority in the Senate actually doing the job he was elected to do, and this asshole holding it up like a true loyal Republican.
"I have always said, 'If I can't go back home and explain it, I can't vote for it.' Despite my best efforts, I cannot explain the sweeping Build Back Better Act in West Virginia and I cannot vote to move forward on this mammoth piece of legislation." This is a quote from Manchin. This legislation will improve our crumbling 3rd world infrastructure, provide for child health care and address climate change, so of course he should be against it, right? 
OK so then explain this: On December 22, 2021, The United Mine Workers of America rallied in support of the Build Back Better Act, and they asked Manchin to support it. Manchin was named an honorary member of the same union last year. I am serious. The Union that supports the biggest industry in his state, that he has made millions off of, is asking him to reassess his position and support the bill. This fucking asshole’s own constituents want him to stop cockblocking Build Back Better. One is compelled to ask, why be against it, other than to play both sides of an extremely divisive political atmosphere and try to insinuate yourself into a greater position of power?  

 MOVIE OF THE YEAR “Summer of Soul”

 
Now of course I am so into documentary films I can watch a documentary about paint drying, so it is easy to see why I am so biased towards them. Not that there were no good non-doc movies, it’s just that the documentaries I saw were better, and it’s my list. Qwestlove is a great musician, but not someone who I would think I would want to produce a movie for me. But then he finds hours of nearly forgotten footage of the 1969 Harlem Cultural Festival. Mind you, this was the same summer that another certain little music festival was held on a farm close to Woodstock, a few miles north in the same state. 
I sat through this thing not even thinking about when there would be a break in the action and I could look at my phone or go to the kitchen. Every minute of this film was mesmerizing, probably because we had never seen this footage before, or some of these artists in this context (Wait till you hear some of Nina Simone’s remarks).

And then of course, there’s the music…

 DOCUMENTARY OF THE YEAR“Rompan Todo. The History of Rock in Latin America” - Netflix

I remember television that was not geared towards a specific person, and you watched shit when It came on, not when you wanted to. Now we live in an Orwellian digital world that knows exactly what you like and will give it to you when you want it because its algorithm watches your every move. So thanks for that Netflix. This was the best documentary I saw all year. What I loved the most about it was its thoroughness and how they gave every band their due time and respect, based on (and rightfully so) a combination of musical credibility, with popularity and their influence on other bands. Netflix seems to have someone on the inside who loves Rock en Espanol, because there are a few docs made about these bands on their service. I hope one on Soda Stereo is next.

I’ll talk about “Get Back” some other time

ALBUM OF THE YEAR – Leon Bridges - “Gold-Diggers Sound” and Nas – “Kings Disease II”.  

For the first time in the history of the JB Random Report, it’s a tie…

Both these records were constant play for me this year. Now usually this is where I rant about how public radio is now the only radio that matters, but no one really listens to radio anymore so fuck it. So Leon Bridges has been on my radar for years, he is an awesome neo soul artist that gets no airplay on black radio for some reason. This record was absolutely magnificent, masterfully blending old and new with a unique, original sound. 

And Nas, well, Nas is Nas and always will be. He is the greatest word to word rapper this side of Rakim (Really Jay-Z, chill with your billions and don’t poke this bear, my dude…). The rhymes on this record are all good, and the collaborations flow so smoothly and evenly, not forced or contrived like so many others in hip hop.

COOLEST SONG BY A MAJOR ACT THAT WASN’T A BIG HIT – “The Bandit” – Kings of Leon

I have no idea why this didn’t catch on. It was a cool song that showed that they are growing with their audience. 
Honorable mention goes to “Charming Mess” - The Black Crowes. This wasn’t actually recorded this year, but 30 years ago for their breakthrough debut album “Shake Your Moneymaker” but for inexplicable fucking reason, it didn’t make the cut. So they decided to release some songs from those sessions and this gem was one of them. 

COOLEST SONG OF THE YEAR – “Valentine” – Snail Mail

Yes I know it seems like I’m bandwagon jumping, but other than the constant Facebook ad bombardment, did you even actually listen to this, bro? It really is catchy.



COOLEST SONG OF THE YEAR BY A BAND YOU’VE NEVER HEARD OF“Across That Fine Line” – Nation of Language 

On an album full of resurrected 80’s drum machine bits, this one stands out for some reason.


COOLEST ACT OF THE YEAR – Leon Bridges

I have been singing (no pun intended) this guy’s praises for years, and I always felt ignored. Ever since I first heard him, I knew he was gonna be great. Neo Soul is quickly becoming a constant on every playlist of mine, and I am totally here for it.I also predict that he is gonna have one of those big Grammy years where people go “who is this dude, why haven’t I heard of him and why is he winning so many Grammys?”

SPORTS TEAM OF THE YEARThe Milwaukee Bucks NBA

OK so maybe Tom Brady did win his 7th Super Bowl a feat that will probably never be duplicated, but it’s my list so fuck Tom Brady. And while I’m at it, fuck New England too, just in case Bill Belichick has one more in him.
You know why The Bucks were the team of the year? Because they won their championship the right way. By drafting, being patient, and developing players. Their biggest star, 2 time MVP Giannis Antetokounmpo was drafted by the team and chose to stay in Milwaukee even when more money and a bigger market became available to him. He refused to workout with other big superstars in the offseason, and wouldn’t even think to be a part of a LeBron-esque “Super Team.”
This is what made them such a joy to watch. Admittedly, I had not watched an entire NBA Finals in a while, but thanks to the myriad of new and deadlier COVID variants combined with this team’s story, I did just that. Their story made this series so compelling, that you find yourself rooting for the team, the town, and how they did it.

ATHLETE OF THE YEAR – Stephen Curry, The Golden State Warriors, NBA

Maybe it is a bit premature to crown him MVP just yet. But to come back after such a devastating injury in your thirties, and have the year he is having is nothing short of remarkable. This year he is only breaking the all-time 3 point record, 2nd in the NBA in scoring, and has his team in 1st place in their Conference. And that is all without Klay Thomson coming back yet.    

OVERRATED ATHLETE OF THE YEAR – Russell Westbrook, Los Angeles Lakers, NBA.

This one hurts because I love watching this guy do what he does. But he is the ground equivalent to this era what the great Dominique Wilkins was in the air in the 1980’s. Awesome to behold, but just can’t seem to win.
Westbrook was part a team in Oklahoma City that was built the right way (see more below) and along with perennial all-stars James Harden and Kevin Durant they had some great years and were on their way to being an excellent team but for some inexplicable reason, they decided to break the team up. Durant being the only one who has won a Championship. Westbrook is a walking triple-double, and even that doesn’t translate to his teams winning.
This year, he moved to his now 4th NBA team, to be part of yet another LeBron James “Super Team” (more on that later, too) and that team is barely over .500, and as tough as the Western Conference is, they may not even make the playoffs, much less get out of the first round. Is it Westbrook’s fault? Certainly not, but it’s time to stop calling him a savior. In every team he has been on, a game plan has been tried where he can thrive and win, yet still only one of those things have happened so far.

BELOVED ATHLETE WHO REALLY SHOULD RETIRE –Ummm…I Dunno

So last year I mentioned Drew Breese of the New Orleans Saints just because. For the record, I did not call for him to retire, I just mentioned that everyone else seemed to think he should, and he promptly did. He is great as a broadcaster, btw.
So this year, I am still at odds, but if you force me to pick one, I think I might have to go with Carmelo Anthony. He is currently playing for The Los Angeles Lakers as part of that afore mentioned LeBron-esque super team that isn’t getting it together at all for some reason. Now don’t get it twisted, just because Carmelo may be ring chasing now, that does not take away what an accomplished basketball player he has been. He has been an NCAA Champion, a great player in the league, but what I love most has been his commitment to the USA Men’s National Team and the Olympics.  Carmelo has been a part of USA Basketball since 2004 and continued to play until 2016, something that many professionals cannot claim. 4 medals, 3 Gold and a FIBA Americas title, he wasn’t just there “Dream Team-ing” it, he was dedicated to his country’s team. He will always have my respect for that.  

BIGOTED ASSHOLE OF THE YEARRep. Marjorie Taylor Greene, R-GA.

This is an easy one. So let’s start with a quote, shall we?

 "America is a nation with a border, and a culture, strengthened by a common respect for uniquely Anglo-Saxon political traditions.”

 Ohh it gets better…

 ”…societal trust and political unity are threatened when foreign citizens are imported en-masse into a country, particularly without institutional support for assimilation and an expansive welfare state to bail them out should they fail to contribute positively to the country."

 This is a direct quote from a charter attempting to organize an “America First” Congressional caucus. A. Direct. Quote. In 2021. This was actually presented to Congress for consideration…in 2021. The founder? Ms. Taylor Greene. If this really needs further explanation, delete your account.

 DEAD PERSON OF THE YEAR – There just can’t be only one…
 We always lose some good ones every year, and lately I have mentioned more than one significant loss in any given year, and I’m afraid this year is no different. But this year’s choices made me realize something that may make me sound like a Boomer but, here it goes…We are losing folks that we genuinely cannot replace because they just don’t make them like that anymore. And by that I mean, totally original, accomplished individuals who were pioneers of their chosen profession. At press time, there are unconfirmed reports that TV icon Betty White is dead, I hope that’s not true…

Let’s start with the most recent ones first. Can anyone replace what John Madden meant, not just to football as a Super Bowl winning coach and a lively broadcaster, but to pop culture in general? Here is a man who re-introduced himself to future generations just by allowing Electronic Arts to use his name to sell a video game. That game is now the most popular sports video game of all time.
Has the world produced another fearless activist to take the place of Nobel Peace Prize winner Bishop Desmond Tutu?

For me personally, the loss of Charlie Watts, drummer of my all-time favorite band The Rolling Stones, was difficult. I saw him play with the band so many times. His steady yet versatile when needed style is something that I do not think the band can find in anyone else.

And while we are on the topic of musicians, why did they still let an 81 year old Vicente Fernandez bring his gun to the stage until his death this year? What if he shot the maracas player?

 


Wishing you all a safe and Happy New Year