The Stadium 9/24/08

I’m far from Mozart, so I can’t imagine writing a decent requiem. This weekend, anyone and everyone in sports and even in some other fields, seemed to weigh in on the closing of the greatest sports venue in the history of the world, the legendary house that Ruth built, Yankee Stadium. They shared their favorite moments; they waxed poetic about history, about the game. Even reminiscing about events that had little to do with sports, like Nelson Mandela’s speech after he had spent nearly 30 years in a South African prison, three Papal masses, and some great concerts. Everyone spoke of their memorable moments at the stadium, well I have some too.
Yankee fans certainly do deserve a state of the art baseball park, there is do doubt about that. The building of the new stadium did create jobs and stimulate an area that was once a rough place to look at. No one is objecting to the building of a new stadium. So why was the old one so hard to let go of? It could be the fact that there will be fewer seats available for the fan that is not a corporation. Add the fact that ticket prices are increasing in the new ballpark, in some sections by about 400% percent, hardly a reason for the ordinary fan to celebrate.
You know, when someone asks me “how many Yankee games have you been to?” I usually respond with “More than I can remember.” Over the weekend I realized that I have saved every single ticket stub since I was a kid, so I actually can remember. I then pulled out the old shoe box and decided to do that very thing. Well I can tell you one thing; I sure have been to a whole lotta Yankee games. Since everyone and their mother was on TV describing their favorite memories of the stadium, I figured that given how much that place means to me and my childhood, I was entitled to my list as well. Now those of you who know me might skip some of the entries whose story you have heard so many times, but here they are. I was going to do ten, but I decided that my top 5 greatest Yankee Stadium moments can tell the story of what I’m going through just as well. I was also there for Derek Jeter’s 2,000th hit and his only grand slam, but when I was thinking about my favorite moments, I always went back to my child/young adult hood. Maybe that is saying something too. So in order this time, here they are…

5- July 20, 1993. Seattle Mariners. Field Box Sec 22 Row B Seat 5 $16.00. I had never seen a grand slam homerun before, until Mike Stanley, catcher for the Yankees right before they made their World Series runs, hit one in the 3rd inning. The place exploded. People forget the great year he had in 1993. And I remember one of many games I went to with my uncle Domingo. We shared so many memories of that place, I loved going with him and sharing those memories, talking shit about family we didn’t like, but mostly because I was underage and he would buy me beer. Nah…I’m just kidding…

4- August 30, 1992. U2 concert, ZOO TV Tour. Field Sec Floor B Row 10 Seat 26 $30.00. Because I had floor seats, it was the only time I had set foot on the actual field at the stadium. Walking onto the field I realized where so many legends had once stood. I looked up at the stands thinking “Wow this is what Don Mattingly sees everyday. This is where Babe Ruth hit so many homeruns.” I was dizzy. Oh yeah, the show was pretty good too. It was at a time when the technology that we take for granted today was in its infancy as far as availability to the public on a massive scale. The stage was its own broadcast studio and had satellite links to anywhere in the world. Bono even decided to call the White House during the show and ask for George HW Bush, who was president at the time. Hysterical. Remember this is a band that had almost called it quits while writing Actung Baby, the album of this tour. The sessions were going nowhere until someone played the opening chords to the song “One” and while not a personal favorite, that song and this tour ultimately saved the band.

3- April 12,1993, Opening Day. Kansas City Royals. Main Box Sec 9 Row E Seat 6 $16.00. Jim Valvano, coach of the 1983 NCAA Champion North Carolina State Wolfpack was scheduled to throw out the first pitch. At the time he was dying of cancer. Too sick to make it to the game that day, “Who would they get as a replacement?” I wondered. And that’s when I saw him for the first time…He walked out of the dugout into the light of the field as he had done for so many years, a regal air about him. Everyone in the opposing dugout stopped just for a glimpse of him. As he approached the mound, the immortal voice of Yankee Stadium, Bob Sheppard, announced him as “The World’s Greatest Living Ballplayer.” He threw a strike, then waved at the crowd that had been standing and cheering wildly since he came out on to the field. Then in his own dignified way, shaking off the ghosts of the game that had ever so slightly battered his now aging body, moving as if on air, Joe DiMaggio quietly walked off the field and the game began.

2- September 4, 1993. Cleveland Indians. Field Box Sec 22 Row D Seat 8 $16.00. It was such an overcast day. “Let’s just stay for the first few innings. We have been to a lot of games this year anyway, and nothing can top DiMaggio on Opening Day, right?” Wrong. By the 7th inning “I’ll just finish this one last hot dog and we’ll just call it a day and beat the crowd.” As I was wiping the remnants of my Yankeedog I happened to glance at the scoreboard. Sit back down, we are not going anywhere. At that moment, every pitch thrown by Jim Abbott was met with a reaction unique to this place. Every close call that didn’t go his way met with the ire of thousands of rabid fans eager to witness history. In the 9th Kenny Lofton tried to bunt his way on, and was met with a barrage of boos so violent he must have thought himself a convicted murderer. A spiteful reaction well deserved. How do you bunt on a one-armed man when he has a no-hitter in the 9th inning you asshole? A weakly hit ball to short…a no-hitter for Jim Abbott. I never allowed the thought of leaving a game early to enter my head again.

1- October 26, 1996. Game 6, 1996 World Series, Atlanta Braves. Main Reserved Sec M28 Row E Seat 10 $45.00 It had been 18 years since the Yankees had won a World Series. That’s why every single playoff game that year was so full of anticipation. Even when they went down 0-2 in the series, losing the first two games at home, you just knew they were going to make one last stand. The pictures I took of the game look as though it were being played in someone’s bedroom. The stadium looked like it was going to spill over, it was so packed that night. The Braves put future Hall of Famer Greg Maddux on the mound against Jimmy Key. Both pitchers were great. But it was the 3rd inning when Joe Girardi hit a triple that charged the crowd. It was the first time I had ever felt the stadium literally shake. In the 7th Mariano Rivera came in and shut down the Braves for the next 2 innings (he was a great set up man before becoming the greatest closer ever). In the 9th John Wettland came on to close it out. Charlie Hayes had already replaced Wade Boggs at 3rd base, manager Joe Torre remembered the 1986 World Series where a late inning defensive replacement was not made and Bill Buckner... well, you know. It was Hayes who caught the last out, and I don’t remember ever cheering so hard in my life. Of all 4 championships the Yankees won in this era, 1996 was the first one they clinched at home, and I was there. I guess a part of all of us who loved that place always will be…

Total Cost of Tickets: $123.00 Memories: Priceless

The JB Random Report 9/17/08

NEWS & CURRENT EVENTS

WASHINGTON – Remember how I’m always saying that whenever Washington wants to bury a story they make a statement on Friday hoping that by the weekend it will be forgotten? Well now they are using a new, more cynical trick…breaking news on September 11th, when the nation is reflecting on other, more significant things. This story shouldn't be forgotten because it’s the most bizarre sex scandal I can remember. It involves the usual sex and drugs, but…offshore oil drilling? Yeah, because nothing says “PAAAAARTY!!” like, umm…offshore oil drilling.
An odd mix that could not have come at a worse time for a US Congress trying to expand off shore drilling and stop the democrats from increasing taxes on oil companies.
An investigation by the Department of the Interior found workers at the Minerals Management Service's royalty collection office in Denver partying, having sex, using drugs and accepting gifts, ski trips and golf outings from energy company representatives with whom they did government business. Let’s make them “E-famous” shall we? Chevron, Shell, Hess and Gary-Williams Energy, were all named in the investigation. At this point I think that we are numbed by how blatantly oil companies are running this administration and this president.

Is it me, or did that footage on CNN of employees of now bankrupt investment bank Lehman Brothers leaving with boxes of whatever they could carry out of their offices remind you of people in Texas fleeing hurricane Ike? I know it’s hard to be sympathetic to Wall Street, but it’s scary to think that on Friday you had a job, and by dawn’s early light on Monday you are unemployed, rushing to get your belongings out of your office before the bank comes. There were even cops outside the lobby. I really never thought I would live to see this country’s economy fail so badly. Anyone with a 401k really needs to keep a close eye on this, I am deadly serious.

ATTENTION CITIZENS!!! The US economy is an Irish Bar, and Amy Winehouse just staggered in and asked to run a tab.

So what do you think of that Sarah Palin action figure? Does anyone know if it comes in the larger, ummm…”blow-up” variety?

LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS

Sometimes being bummed out about a dating situation can make me forget that I’m so cute it’s pitiful. Thankfully that only lasts a short time. I feel considerably better after getting naked in front of a mirror and seeing how amazing my body is looking lately. I’m sorry was I thinking out loud again?
Thinking out loud always gets me in trouble. I remember my ex girlfriend saying to me, "Jesse...I know I turn you on physically, but do I turn you on mentally?” and I said "Yeah...right now my brain is as hard as a rock"...got kicked out of the house for that one

I couldn’t possibly make this one up…a 35-year-old Illinois woman suffered a stroke during sex (hey don’t look at me, I was in New York at the time). The woman's symptoms were typical of an unusual, rare kind of "cryptogenic" stroke. In order for them to occur there has to be a “perfect storm” of things happening together. In this particular case, a small opening in the wall between the two upper chambers of the heart, also known as Patent Foramen Ovale or PFO, was the cause. This is the area that blood flows through when a person strains, like during an orgasm. You know, this explains why she never called me back…

SPORTS

I gotta be honest, I don’t remember the last time I actually sat through every single down of a Monday Night Football game, at least not since ESPN took over for ABC a few years ago. But the game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Dallas Cowboys however, had to be one of the greatest Monday night games ever. Now I am happy to report that the critics were right, the commentating team of Mike Tirico, Tony Kornheiser and Ron Jaworski is so fucking bad it has me wishing for a return to the days of Dennis Miller. The icing on the cake being that idiot Kornheiser, when describing the Spanish broadcast of Felix Jones’ touchdown return said "I took high school Spanish, either he said he's not going to be caught, or please pick up my dry cleaning tomorrow." Brilliant…and on Hispanic Heritage Month too. But even I have to admit Kornheiser was right about one thing; if the Cowboys are going to be anointed as a Super Bowl team, this was a game they had to win if they wanted to make a statement concerning the early hype that has surrounded them. It was a thrilling offensive game, with neither team being able to make a decent stop, and by the 3rd quarter you just knew that whoever had the ball last was gonna win the game. That did just happen to be Dallas. Felix Jones looked great, but it was Marion Barber with those short touchdown runs that won that game.

What the hell could possibly be going through Josh Howard’s mind? Doesn’t he know by now that any dumb thing you say, even in private, in front of a camera is gonna end up on Youtube? If you are stupid enough to say, “I don’t celebrate that shit (referring to the National Anthem) because I’m black god damnit” in front of a camera, then why not just move to the country whose anthem you are willing to celebrate and see if they will pay you millions to put a ball through a hoop while tolerating your illegal drag racing and marijuana use.

OK so Carlos Zambrano threw a no-hitter, Derek Jeter broke Lou Gehrig’s hits record at Yankee Stadium…great. But how can you possibly expect me to talk baseball when the Yanks are out of it for the first time since the Clinton years?

THIS WEEK’S REASON WHY TERRORISTS WANNA KILL US

Women who wear make up to the gym. It’s a gym you ridiculous, peabrain, insecure bimbos, not ladies night at the Copacabana.

The JB Random Report 9/10/08

NEWS & CURRENT EVENTS

About 5 years ago, I helped a friend move his family into their first house out in Long Island. Over the years we had outdoor parties, barbecues, beerfests and domino games into the night. This weekend, I helped him move out. He had to sell in order to avoid foreclosure. A few thousand bucks could have saved the house, but it wasn't to be. At the same time this was happening, our government bailed out Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, and no, these are not white rappers getting out of a suburban jail, these are federally subsidized mortgage companies who were so grossly mismanaged they need an act of Congress to save them; a move which will ultimately place the liability of 5 trillion dollars in default mortgages on the backs of US taxpayers. Now this wouldn't bother me so much if 70% of all new mortgages in recent months hadn't been approved by these companies. If they knew they were in trouble, why continue to operate without at least warning people? This would send any CEO of a non-government subsidized company directly to jail. Instead, those same assholes are getting severance packages in the millions, all while the deficit rises at $750,000 a minute. All my friend needed was a window of a few thousand dollars and he could have kept his home. The interest rate on our deficit alone could build a new home for every registered voter in the United States. When we go to the polls this November, we will all have political reasons for our choices…I think I just found a personal one.

BANGKOK, Thailand - Samak Sundaravej, Thailand's prime minister was forced to resign along with his cabinet on Tuesday after a court ruled that he had violated the constitution by hosting TV cooking shows while in office. An incredibly stupid reason to remove anyone from office, and I assure you that Samak's pending corruption charges have more to do with the removal, but it did make me wish that Dick Cheney would go on Rachel Ray.

Looks like North Korean dictator, Western movie fan and maniac Kim Jong Il is missing. He is about 5' 2" so he is gonna be hard to find, he could be hiding in the hamper again. Just be on the lookout for a little Korean kid who goes to Chuck E Cheese all by himself and asks for the big boy cup!

Joe Biden indirectly attacked Sarah Palin for the first time, and for a minute it almost looked like vintage "foot in mouth" Biden. Palin as you know has a child with down syndrome, and Biden said (and I am paraphrasing) "If you love special needs children so much, why not support stem-cell research?" The Republicans called this statement "a new low." I hate to admit it, but I call it a fair policy question on a relevant political issue posed to someone running for the vice-presidency. And that "lipstick on a pig" phony outrage by these republicans is so pathetic. Barack Obama went to Harvard, if he wanted a way to insult Sarah Palin he could have easily thought of something more clever than that. This fake, "Swift-boat" Republican outrage is not gonna work this time…we have had enough of that shit.

SPORTS

OK someone call National Geographic because it looks like NFL quarterbacks are becoming an endangered species. Odd considering that there are many talented veterans like Daunte Culpepper for example, who are sitting at home unemployed waiting on phone calls. Tom Brady was without a doubt the biggest casualty not only of week 1 in the NFL, but of its entire season. The AFC is wide open now which is actually gonna make this season very exciting in that conference. And someone give Vince Young a hug before he does something really stupid. Thank God he has an injury and will be off the field for a while so he can mellow out. And guys, I have said before that Jessica Simpson is the white trash redneck version of Yoko Ono, but she is not on the field, Tony Romo is, so who cares what she says? Play the game. Stop factoring in his girlfriend just because she is a famous airhead. Although I can assure you of one thing Jessica, Philly is clearly the last crowd in the world you wanna rile up. Remember these are the same fans that beat up a Santa Clause at an Eagles game during Christmas a few years ago

THIS WEEK'S REASON WHY TERRORISTS WANNA KILL US

That British shithead who hosted the MTV Video Music Awards. Could that show be any lamer? Remember when that show was cool? Remember when they (briefly) got Van Halen to reunite? When Jay-Z warmed up the crowd in a rainstorm at the Metropolitan Opera House? Howard Stern doing Fartman? Prince with the ass-less pants doing "Get Off" on a stage that resembled a bachelor party in Sodom and Gomorrah? Poison having a public meltdown on the stage. Slash giving a drunken acceptance speech for Guns n Roses because everyone else in his band was too stoned to talk? No one had to go on stage to defend those creepy "purity rings." Ironic considering that half those artists that preach abstinence will probably be leaking "stolen" sex tapes whenever they need a career boost. I miss the old days, where at least no one was a hypocrite. This is why celebrities are so hated nowadays…no one knows who the fuck half these people are or why their 1 hit song has made them so famous, and no one believes in them anymore. When I was a kid, we believed in the angst, rage and poetry of Kurt Cobain…so what if he was a suicidal junkie, that's beside the point. You know, I think I have officially given up on that show