Rent...Is Too Damn High! 10/21/10

NEWS

Tired of the same crap on TV? Then you have to start an e-mail campaign to get a gubernatorial debate in New York to be shown once a week, with all the candidates present. Sure we know that Andrew Cuomo is the only candidate who has any chance of winning, but that was because we believed Carl Paladino was the only candidate who was “mad as Hell and not gonna take it anymore!” and belonged in a mental hospital. Ignorant of course, until we saw who else thinks they can win…

Well, there is Charles Barron who has a scorching case of anger management issues and just hates everyone. He has no real plan except to bash the only man who can win; a mistake considering that he is a fellow democrat whose ass he will be kissing later. Then there are former hooker turned politician (not a far stretch) Kristin Davis, and Jimmy McMillan, of the “Rent is Too Damn High Party,” who is just a complete maniac. Clearly the most entertaining candidate of the evening, with an odd beard and obvious OCD issues because he wears these ridiculous black gloves even indoors. He did provide us however, with the quote of the entire debate, “As a Karate expert, I won’t talk about anyone up here, but our children have no place to live.” Now, that’s classic. He’s got my vote!
On a serious note (If that’s even possible) there were two lesser party candidates who really did make a good impression on me as intelligent competent people, but when you have a free society like we do, even maniacs get to have a say, and that can dilute the message of serious smaller party candidates like Howard Hawkins of the Green Party and Warren Redlich of the Libertarian Party.

NPR has fired longtime news analyst Juan Williams after he went on Bill O’Reilly and said that he gets nervous when he sees Muslims on airplanes. Doesn't everyone? Williams also said political correctness could "lead to some kind of paralysis, where you don't address reality." After Bill O’Reilly wet himself over the fact that this was coming from a black guy, he went on to agree with everything Williams said.

SPORTS

Yankee fans fear not, Cliff Lee is a dog they won’t get bitten by twice. The Yankees know how to adjust. I’m having a ball watching the “other” series, the Giants and Phillies. Great pitching match-ups and timely hitting.

THIS WEEK’S REASON WHY TERRORISTS WANNA KILL US

So I was standing in line at Duane Reade with my daily supply of drugs, cookies and soft core porn when I saw the cover of one of those retarded tabloids and the headline was “Teen Mom Shocker” or some shit like that. Apparently this is a show on MTV now? Fucking really? Is this how far our society has fallen, where our desperately sought after fifteen minutes of fame can now be obtained by out of wedlock impregnation of a minor? Isn’t that a felony? Now you can get on the cover of Star? Its bad enough you have these bimbos who are famous for making sex tapes or having a big ass, now it’s parading around a teen pregnancy? I do not long for the 1950’s where a girl like this would be shunned off to a distant relative, or for stoning this poor fool to death like they do in Iran, but certainly this is not to be celebrated. And MTV, how can you prey on a teenaged girl whose lifelong dream was to be on TV but doesn’t even have the good judgment to use birth control? Can this be called anything but exploitation? Can we arrest MTV?

Smart is the New Rich! 10/14/10

“Smart is the New Rich” Christine Romans.
- If this is true then I’m a billionaire!


NEWS & CURRENT EVENTS

Look, I’m just as happy as anyone that those Chilean miners were rescued, but how sad is it that even after months trapped in a hole, Yonni Barrios, a trained paramedic who probably saved the lives of his comrades by conducting medical tests and boosting morale, still can’t get a break. This playa clearly has some ‘splaining to do Lucy, cause his wife found out about his mistress while he was being rescued. Damn, I’ll bet after having to deal with every self righteous yenta in the media and the two at home, that hole is starting to look pretty good.
And Barrios isn’t the only one. According to reports at least five other miners had their mistresses discovered, and believe it or not, this might be a problem. The compensation offered to these men might be tangled up for years in legal battles and divorce court. Great… nothing like spending 70 days in a hole so that your angry bitter ex-wife can get breast implants. I’m so glad I’m never getting married.

Speaking of that shitty institution, is it true that Christina Aguilera is getting a divorce? And it looks like she is the one who cheated? Wow …what a shock. Who would have thought that it would be so difficult for a hot bleach blonde with huge implants and more money than most countries to stay married to Ratatouille for the rest of her life?

SPORTS

How appropriate that he plays in DC, because I think Gilbert Arenas is the Christine O’Donnell of the NBA. What does this flake have to do to finally get cut by the Wizards and never play in the NBA again? What’s next for this buffoon? Faking his grandmother’s death so he can go record a fusion Rap/Polka record?

Too bad all the black power in the world couldn’t keep an eye on Tommie Smith’s money. Looks like one of the men responsible for one of the most poignant images in sports history is selling the Olympic gold medal he won when this picture was taken. That’s really sad. A spokesman for MIT Memorabilia said that Smith is selling the medal “to share it with the world.” Bullshit. Dr. Albert Barnes never had to sell one Matisse, Picasso or Gauguin to share it with the world. I don’t know how badly Smith needs money, but I just hate stories like this.

THIS WEEK’S REASON WHY TERRORISTS WANNA KILL US

This is our American politics in 2010, and probably why there are nitwits that believe the world will end in 2012…
Why did her handlers even let Christine O’Donnell debate? And why didn’t Chris Coons just finish her off? I mean it’s not like she didn’t give him every opportunity to do so. This brain tumor who wants to go to Washington obviously has no idea what Washington does. Not only is she unable to complete a sentence, she is also unable to site one recent Supreme Court case that she disagrees with after saying that she disagrees with some recent Supreme Court cases. Seriously at what point do we say enough? How is it possible for American politics to be hijacked by yahoos? And why are we standing for it? Even her opponent could have delivered the knock out blow and didn’t. Everyday I find myself yearning for the dirty politics of Hillary Clinton. You know, there are rumblings that she and Joe Biden might switch jobs before the next Presidential election. At first I thought it would be a huge mistake and would make the party look indecisive and weak, but maybe it’s not such bad idea. Could you imagine Hillary debating a waste of space like Sarah Palin or Christine O’Donnell? It would be a massacre worthy of Boston in 1770.

Every Day Brings Us Closer to the End 10/7/10

NEWS & CURRENT EVENTS

Sorry but there really wasn’t anything worth writing about last week, and besides I needed a vacation. This week isn’t that interesting either, but did I hear this right, Rahm Emanuel quit his job and Rick Sanchez got fired from CNN last Friday? Wow, I guess something interesting did happen while I was away. Look, I have never been a fan of Rick Sanchez. He’s always come off kinda phony to me; a gasbag full of fake outrage at every racial issue just because he knows three words in Spanish. But he certainly proved me wrong didn’t he? Not only did he call Jon Stewart a bigot, but also said CNN and the media was run by Jews. I guess the media folks at CNN don’t like to be called Jews, 'cause they fired him immediately. When will people learn? The powerful Jews in the media don’t like anyone talking shit about the powerful Jews in the media. Just look at what happened to Helen Thomas, and she was actually a serious journalist. So if she can get fired for talking about Jews, what did you think would happen to a crumbcake like you? Well maybe now that he just made our “List You Don’t Wanna Be On,” he will think before he talks. What do you think he will do next?
You gotta love how Jon Stewart gets dumb people to hang themselves with their own rope of bullshit. First it was that idiot Jim Cramer, now this guy. Although Stewart did take the high road in his response, I have to agree with him to some extent; Rick Sanchez is a schmuck, but unless his comments were particularly inflammatory or would never allow him to ask a difficult question again, I have never liked the idea of anyone getting fired for expressing an opinion, regardless of whether or not it conflicts with my own. However, and for the record these were not Sanchez’ exact words, but when you indicate that Jews are somehow not an oppressed minority, there may be some Holocaust survivors who would beg to differ, and it is usually when we forget history that it tends to repeat itself.
As for Emanuel, I’m sure he told a few people to go fuck themselves before exiting Washington for the clean, morally incorruptible venue that is Chicago politics.

SPORTS

Jay Cutler was sacked nine times by the Giants defense…still couldn’t knock the asshole out of him.

And it is October, so I believe that some baseball might have been played last night? I’m picking the Yankees, the greatest franchise in the history of sports to win it all, as usual. The comeback win last night proves that no matter how big your payroll is, all you need are hungry players. They own every team in the playoffs except for Tampa Bay, who has to give away tickets to get people to go to their home games and will be broken up after this season.
The interesting stories are in the National League. The Phillies are a great team, but let’s not forget that Roy Halladay, great as he is, has yet to prove himself in the post season. Oh wait a minute…I think he might have had a good debut last night, throwing only the second no-hitter in post season history, one walk keeping it from being a perfect game. He is also the fifth pitcher to ever throw two no-hitters in a season. I wonder how the hell Roy Oswalt is gonna follow that? And maybe TBS should think about some new announcers, because their guys called this historical game with all the motivation and enthusiasm of melted ice cream.
Atlanta made it after a shaky start, and what a proper way to say good-bye to their certain Hall of Fame manager Bobby Cox. A small market team like Cincinnati making it is always great, but the story of the regular season has to be the San Francisco Giants. After the debacle that was Barry Bonds and his chemically enhanced (allegedly) home run record, the Giants decided to rebuild with patience (any other team and Barry Zito would’ve been a ball boy by now), pitching and defense. They play in a great town, in front of great fans in an aesthetically pleasing new stadium, and after everything they went through, I hope they do well.

THIS WEEK’S REASON WHY TERRORISTS WANNA KILL US

Is it true that Snooki from Jersey Shore has a, umm...book deal with Simon & Schuster? I hope so, because if it’s a lie then this gun in my mouth is gonna look really stupid.