Monday, January 1, 2024

The JB Random Report End of the Year Awards 2023

 Well kids, it’s that time of year again…

NEWS STORY OF THE YEARWar

What is it good for? Absolutely nothing. Really. That’s it. The world is literally at war everywhere. Whether its everyday wars in nations that mainstream media doesn’t care about, tensions in the South China Sea, Vladimir Putin’s war in Ukraine, or Israel pretty much decimating the Gaza Strip, the World is becoming a dangerous place rather quickly.

What is so compelling about both these latter conflicts, is that they are so deep-rooted it doesn’t look there will be a peaceful ending in sight any time soon. Putin is a megalomaniacal dictator with no one close to him willing to tell him the truth, which if historically symmetrical, will end with him in a bunker shooting himself and his girlfriend, as Allied troops close in.

Israel however, presents a much more complicated problem. The Western states have stood by Israel for decades, and rightfully so. After World War II the creation of a Jewish state was necessary. To say that anyone else “was there first” is actually misleading, given the fact that the Dome of the Rock is built on the Temple Mount (look it up, I’m exhausted). However, just because you may agree with Israel’s right to exist, and to defend itself, that does not mean you have to just blindly agree with how they are defending themselves. And that is where I have a problem.

The images coming from Gaza of dead children are disturbing to say the least, and if it is terrorism you are fighting, then hearts and minds must be won (a lesson that the United States failed to learn in Iraq and Afghanistan), and you do not win them by killing children or attacking hospitals. Yes Hamas has illegally used hospitals as headquarters, but these people are terrorists, they will not follow the rules of war or the Geneva Convention. Israel is a recognized state, and they are not behaving like one. And what is worse, from a tactical standpoint, Israel has one of the best Special Forces units in the world, and should have used them in operations to mitigate civilian casualties. Yes that is a risk, but that is the obligation of a civilized nation, and Israel is failing in that regard. So much so, that they have garnered sympathy for a terrorist organization like Hamas, here in the US, and that can be very dangerous.

Remember Americans love to have something to scream about, even if they have no idea what the fuck it is. Just last week there was a march on 5th Avenue, right in front of the Christmas season tourists, that began as a pro-peace demonstration, and ended up being peppered with signs of “Fuck Israel” and sympathy towards the government of Gaza, which is run by Hamas. So Israel’s actions have gotten the ignorant woke mob to support a terrorist organization. Please do better.

QUOTE OF THE YEAR“Deeming race irrelevant in law does not make it so in life.”

U.S. Supreme Court Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson, dissenting opinion on Students for Fair Admissions Inc. v. President and Fellows of Harvard College, June 29, 2023.

If there is one quote that perfectly summarizes what we are going through as a nation right now, it is this one. My God we were so close. To go back so far so fast, is something I never thought I would see happen to a country I love so much. Who would have thought that in only 5 short years, we would once again be a nation that unfairly levels the playing field in academia, and would deny a woman the right to choose what to do with her own body? Still think your vote doesn’t matter? How is that fashionable indifference and neutrality working for you now? If you do not know the importance of this particular Supreme Court decision, I don’t have the time or the energy, so look it up. If you are a person of color and still don’t know what it is, shame on you.   


TV SHOW OF THE YEAR – “Only Murders in the Building”

I would have thought that by now the same premise would not be entertaining anymore, but these people just seem to find a way to make this show so enjoyable every time. This year saw the participation of Paul Rudd and the great Meryl Streep. I think eventually they are gonna run out of people to kill, but this is a fun show to watch.

ASSHOLE OF THE YEARRudolph Giuliani

I cannot be the only one who remembers how admired this man once was. How he held New York City together after 9/11. How he brought down the Mafia as a prosecutor in the 1980’s. Never has the expression “how the mighty have fallen” ever been better personified.

What is worse, is that I will never understand the “why” of it all. Why would such a seemingly intelligent man hitch his wagon so firmly behind a criminal traitor and blissful incompetent like Donald Trump (runner up for this award this year, btw)? Not only that, but even after he declared his loyalty to his Fuhrer, he had so many chances to bow out, but instead doubled down and is now facing disbarment, bankruptcy, losing court verdicts, and possibly even jail time. I usually have no problem laughing at people like this, but this time I actually feel a little bad for this guy. OK…whew! That passed…yeah he is still an asshole…

PERSON OF THE YEARJerome Powell, Chairman of the Federal Reserve

If there is one thing I HATE is agreeing with any other publication but my own, and I hate it even more when another publication beats me to the punch. So glad to say that, TIME Magazine’s Person of the Year, is Taylor Swift and mine…is not. No hate, but it’s just not.

I know many of you have probably never heard of him, but let me tell you why Jerome Powell, who has been Chairman of the Federal Reserve since February 2018, has won this award: For some inexplicable, non fact based reason, inflation is something that President Joe Biden’s critics have been blaming him for, even though Biden doesn’t regulate prices. If he did, the GOP would cry too much regulation, the same way they criticized him last year for, and I’m serious, gas prices being too low, after they were at first too high. Powell, unconcerned with politics, has played a key role managing high inflation in the U.S. One his subtle strategies was the concept of something called a“soft landing.” This, in theory, reduces inflation by raising interest rates without causing a recession. If you have ever taken economics, you know this is no easy task. At the beginning of the year, Republicans were animatedly reminding the country how high and out of control inflation was, not hearing much about that now are we? Well you can thank Mr. Powell and his policy for that. The purchasing power of the United States and the World economies that depend on it are also grateful I’m sure

BIGOTED ASSHOLE OF THE YEAR - Vivek Ramaswamy, Politician GOP Presidential Candidate

OK so this asshole is at such a high level of asshole-ishness, that sometimes I think he is some sort of parody or a CIA plant. Seriously have you ever seen such a level of unaware self-loathing on someone who isn’t pathologically insane? The fact that he doesn’t realize that he is merely a Desi Uncle Tom that the GOP just likes to watch dance and will never take him or his candidacy seriously is enough to make this guy a sad clown. Then, instead of acknowledging his diversity he actually doubles down on GOP hate by saying that even children of immigrants born in the US should not be here, seemingly blissfully unaware that he wouldn’t be here if that were the case. Maybe he is a vampire and cannot see his own brown ass in a mirror. 

OVERUSED PHRASE OF THE YEAR – “Rizz”

OK I know this is short for “charisma” for you young folks, but maybe think this through a little more. Change one letter and this takes on a whole different meaning.


MOVIE OF THE YEAR – “Asteroid City”

Look everyone knows that I am a huge fan of Wes Anderson, and that even his lesser-received films are classics to me. I was hyped just to see Tom Hanks delivering dead pan lines a la Anderson, and I have to say I wasn’t disappointed. And yeah, a well-placed Scarlett Johansson nude scene certainly doesn’t hurt either. 

ALBUM OF THE YEAR – “Hackney Diamonds” – The Rolling Stones.

Ok hear me out: So Paul McCartney plays bass on a song on this album. Ringo is still alive and doesn’t seem to be busy right now. Bill Wyman is retired and Charlie Watts is dead…see where I’m going with this? I even have a great name for this supergroup that incorporates both their bands. How about The Rolling Bones? Get it? They’re old! Ok, don’t unfriend me…

When I thought about this particular entry, I really had to ask myself whether or not I was being objective. See, this is my all-time favorite band, and I didn’t want to give them this award unless this album really was the best music I had heard all year. A year that had some pretty good stuff come out. Truth is, I didn’t wanna give them this award, but the record is just too good. I was also thinking maybe next year I’ll make this section a “Top 3” or something, because Bully, Depeche Mode, Foo Fighters, and The National all made really memorable albums this year.

COOLEST SONG BY A MAJOR BAND OR ACT THAT WASN’T A BIG HIT – “Under You” – Foo Fighters.

They are already talking about “But Here We Are” for Rock album of the year. I personally have a different choice, but this record is still awesome. I, as all other music heads are aware, realize that Rock music has gone the way of great jazz music: only appreciated now by a learned few, but I am still surprised that this record didn’t make more of an impact this year. Yes I know that “Rescued” seems to be the song that is getting its proverbial ass kissed on social media, but this one is my favorite. It just sounds so much like the band I always knew, and that is very comforting in an age of such shitty Pop music. Honorable mention goes to “Somewhere” by Johnny Marr.


COOLEST SONG OF THE YEAR – “103” – The Kills.


I knew very little about this band until this song seemed to just hypnotize me. Oh and honorable mention goes to “Mourning Dove” by Screaming Females, and “Tropic Morning News” by The National.

COOLEST ACT OF THE YEAR – The National.

Other bands had a great year as afore mentioned, but this band released not one, but two albums in this calendar year, and they were both really good. Being called “Dad Rock” if Dad is the only one with a functioning, articulate brain is not ageism I guess. 

BOOK OF THE YEAR  - “Tuesdays With Morrie” – Mitch Albom

I always admit that for someone with a library at home, I really do not read many newly released titles. This year was no exception. I read nothing published this year, sorry.

However, on my way out the door on my way to the airport, I decided to take “Tuesdays With Morrie,“ a book first published in 1997, off my shelf because it was an easy to carry paperback and I had never gotten around to reading it. How pleasantly surprised I was.

SPORTS TEAM OF THE YEARThe Denver Nuggets NBA

Watching any franchise win their first ever championship is a cool thing, even if you are not a fan of the team. The Nuggets have had many good teams throughout the years. I remember the high scoring teams of Alex English in the 1980’s, and the athletic team lead by Dikembe Mutombo, Robert Pack and Mahmoud Abdul Rauf that upset the #1 seed Seattle Supersonics in the 1994 playoffs. This incarnation is not nearly as flashy, but they can certainly play. Led by Nikola Jokic this team just makes it look easy, and they do it quietly. They dominated the whole season with little fanfare, on their way to the franchise’s first ever championship.

ATHLETE OF THE YEAR – Naoya Inoue, Boxing

When was the last time Japan gave us a legit champion caliber boxer? This guy is rewriting history either way, and I already wanna give him that whole “pound for pound” thing.

So in 2022 he becomes the champ at 118 pounds, and decides why not jump to 122, just for the fun of it, right? Well why just do that when you can fight Stephen Fulton, the champion at 122, in less than a year? So what does Inoue do? Hands him an 8 round beating and relieves him of his belts. And why settle for that when you can just, in your next fight, unify the belts by beating Marlon Tapales? So yeah he did that too. Other than that, did anyone else notice this guy? Don’t worry, you will this year.

DEAD PERSON OF THE YEARI always start this entry reflecting on not just one person, because a loss is only measured by how much the person who is gone has meant to society, or to our own lives, and that can mean so many people to so many people, know what I mean? This year, I really can’t come up with just one person that has meant a monumental loss to society. 

Tina Turner was a significant loss to music. Norman Lear pretty much changed how the entire world watches television. Justice Sandra Day O’Connor made history as the first woman ever to be appointed to the Supreme Court, and Rosalynn Carter made the world a better place alongside her husband, President Jimmy Carter, in the second act of his life as an activist and statesman, who even at his advanced age, was still seen working on construction sites of housing for the homeless. Keep them all in your heart should you chose to do so…

Here’s hoping the New Year brings you everything you want!