Thursday, April 23, 2009

The Academy of the Overrated 4/23/09

Anoop should have been saved on Idol so this show is officially wack.

There was some ugly looking chick named Perez Hilton on Larry King the other night ranting about gay marriage. From what I understand, he/she was hosting some beauty contest and asked a question about gay marriage to a contestant. Why he expected any type of intellectually sophisticated answer from one of these nimrods is beyond me, but apparently the girl went all “un-PC” on him and said she believed that marriage was between a man and a woman. She didn’t actually say she was against it, just responded to the question with her own personal beliefs, which she has every right to. Well Hilton was very un-ladylike in his response, calling her names later on and creating some bizarre media catfight, which I usually wouldn’t give two shits about until this…
The beauty queen, whose name is Carrie Prejean did the conservative media rounds, going on Fox News to defend herself, but then she went on Billy Bush’s radio show saying she believes her comment on gay marriage "cost me my crown," but she "wouldn't have had it any other way. I said what I feel." Which, once again, she has a right to do. No one should be force-fed political correctness, and although I may not totally agree with her, I respect her for not being socially bullied by irrelevant no talents like Perez Hilton. However, this nitwit did go on to say that "my sister is a second lieutenant in the Air Force and she is a gay rights activist." Uhh Carrie, are you aware that the military has a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy on homosexuality, and that you just might have cost an officer her military career because you wanted to make a point?

Unless you are a Somali pirate, a suicidal CEO of Freddie Mac (I know that’s harsh but I have no sympathy for these fuckers) it’s been a slow news week hasn’t it? So I have decided to begin a new segment of the JB Random Report that will be available from time to time. Feel free to add suggestions to this growing academy that I will gladly give you credit for.
Do you know how sacred cows in our society even develop? Because we let them. It’s time to fight back and be the one to say, “this actually sucks” so allow me to begin by proudly presenting the first induction class of…


Krispy Kreme Doughnuts. How that stock went up so fast last year is beyond me. They taste like sugar-coated grease. Ewwwwwww…

The Who. They had some good songs in the late 60’s and early 70’s but come on, 2 of them dropped dead, they have made no new records since 1982 and yet they are still gladly taking your money by touring and calling themselves one of the world’s greatest rock bands.

Cold Stone Ice Cream. While eating one of those half-melted overly-sweetened concoctions, you can almost hear yourself getting fatter.

Reality Television. It’s not real anymore if the people on those shows become celebrities is it? And it’s an even bigger disappointment when you realize that some “spontaneous” dramas are played up or staged.

Starbuck’s Coffee. Look, the longer your Starbuck’s order is, the bigger the asshole you are. I ordered a plain black coffee once and the girl behind the counter responded with a nervous look of utter confusion.

Female ejaculation. Yeah it’s nice to make a girl squirt once in a while, it’s good for the male ego. But a woman doesn’t need to resurrect the parting of the Red Sea to have an orgasm, and do you have any idea how much laundry is involved?

Jim Morrison’s Poetry. The Doors were a great band, but to say that their lead singer Jim Morrison was some sort of profound thinking Robert Frost is bullshit.

Playstation 3. X-Box 360 has better graphics and better games, just not as many.

The New England Patriots. Ok so maybe they have won 3 Super Bowls in this century, and even after getting beat in the greatest upset in Super Bowl history by the New York Giants last year, and not even making the playoff this year, they are still considered by many as the team to beat. But their 3 Super Bowl wins are by an average of only three points, which means they never really dominated any team, they just had a luckier kicker at the end of the game. The Dallas Cowboys won three Super Bowls in the 1990’s, and those were beatdowns, won by an average of 20.6 points.

Threesomes. Those who have only fantasized about them are the only ones in shock right now. Not that they are not fun, sometimes even awe inspiring, and don’t get me wrong, when the opportunity arrives, take it. It’s just that most of the time one girl always ends up getting pissed off at the end (sometimes even during) and totally killing the sexual buzz of the moment. Just be prepared for that.


  1. Some thoughts:

    - Perez Hilton as a judge of anything even remotely looking for respectability is a farce. Is Joan Rivers to be a keynote speaker at the next American Medical Association symposium? Jeez...

    (Btw, me thinks Miss CA's boobs are glaringly fake. Still hot, tho.)

    - Krispy Kreme doughnuts are sugary crack. Yum.

    - The Who? How 'bout your beloved Stones who still make records but haven't had a decent one since Reagan got elected.

    - The "Jim Morrison was a poet" conceit is an American thing; the British have never bought into it. And since it's their language...

  2. You said it...The Stones "still make records." I agree that "A Bigger Bang" might have been a reference to Jagger hitting on a fat chick instead of a respectable record. However, there is NO WAY they rip their fans off and live on their past laurels more than The Who does.
    When the Stones tour, they do it behind new material. You can certainly question whether or not it's any good, but at least it's new.
    By the way, of the past 20 years, I think Voodoo Lounge was a great record, the singles released however, were awful, typical of the Stones material of the past 20 years...good records that release shitty singles.
    Check out "Sparks Will Fly," "Jump on Top of Me"(rare B-Side which is a bit hard to find)"Thru and Thru" and "I Go Wild." Great songs. And that tour was with out a doubt one of their best, they opened with "Not Fade Away," played great songs from Voodoo Lounge, and played so many deep cuts from "Exile on Main Street" I thought it was 1973.

  3. The Who are just a little more blatant than the Stones, when it comes to resting on their laurels. I mean, not since Undercover--and many would say I'm being generous--have the Stones gone out on the road behind an actual album, as opposed to an excuse to tour, as almost every subsequent album has been. (And don't get me started on those live discs of theirs.)

    For the record, I dig the Stones; always have. But when it comes to their output post Tattoo You, they are incredibly overrated.

    I'll check out the songs you mention--I'm only familiar with "Thru and Thru" from that bunch--and see what's up.

  4. I think it goes beyond just "a little more blatant" I think The Stones would be over if Charlie Watts and Ron Wood died. I'm sure when Roger Daultrey drops dead Pete Townshend will replace him with a look alike...maybe Justin Timberlake.