Thursday, March 5, 2009

The JB Random Report 3/05/09

Are you like me? Do you love PBS? Every few months they have the most amazing shows in order to get people to pledge money. Last night they had The Police in concert in Argentina. One of my favorites is that four hour self help marathon given by Dr. Wayne Dyer. No…I’m serious. I’m actually not being sarcastic about it, I like the guy. He seems to really care about helping people apply Eastern Philosophy in a practical manner, and he never asks for thousand dollar contributions like that asshole crook Benny Hinn, and others like him. I have never met anyone with that much patience (and I did actually meet Dr. Wayne on 5th Avenue last summer) and dedication to listening and helping people.
Sometimes that patience can be exhausting though. During pauses in the broadcast, Dr. Wayne himself was promoting his work while asking for pledges and getting his ass kissed by PBS broadcasters. So much so that one who was on the air with him went on about how she desperately needed Dr. Wayne’s help in getting control of, and I’m not making this up, her helpless addiction to cake. Cake? Are you fucking kidding? Do you even know what the word addiction means? One of the closest people in the world to me has dedicated his life to working with addicts, real addicts. People who have had their lives ruined by drugs or alcohol, and she is coming through with cake? Dr. Wayne listened patiently to this bullshit when what he should have said was, “If you were really addicted to cake you wouldn’t be here talking to me you would be turning tricks in front of a bakery.”


I really don’t know how to react to Terrell Owens being cut by the Dallas Cowboys. He was always a cancer in the locker room, and seems to create drama wherever he goes, but owner Jerry Jones stood by this guy everyday until yesterday. Now, to take a $9 million hit on the salary cap to have this guy not play there must have been some strong voices against him. I’m shocked, this cut blindsided him faster than Ray Lewis. Well I guess Owens will be a Raider next season.

Why would the NBA ban Dwyane Wade’s band aid? I mean, granted that look went out with Nelly in 2001 but still, how much of a violation could it be? Maybe he has a re-occurring face cut since his days on “A Different World.”

Well now that Barry Bonds’ trial is being postponed until the Apocalypse, his agent has been in touch with every major league team in hopes of getting the all-time homerun king (yeah whatever) a job this season. There have yet been no takers…I wonder why? What I love is how his agent, Jeff Boris has accused baseball of collusion. Ahh Jeff…let’s not flatter ourselves. This is not the plot to kill free agency that was eventually taken out and stomped by the MLB Players Union in the 80’s. This is the reality that no team is interested in a 44 year-old player who has no cartilage in his knee and hardly plays the outfield. Oh, and there is the added factor of this guy being a complete asshole, not to mention the poster boy for steroids in baseball (guilty or not).
And of course you cannot mention anything baseball without mentioning all things A-Rod. Just when you thought it was safe to break out your large “A-ROID” signs, looks like he won’t be on the field until May, opting for hip surgery. One of the many reasons this sucks is that he won’t be on the field for Dominican Republic in the World Baseball Classic. Not that they need him to win, but his star power will be missed. I will be rooting for Team USA and the other Caribbean teams (as well), Cuba and Puerto Rico. Let’s bring the title back to this hemisphere!


Just when you thought that lunatic Tatiana was out of our lives forever, she made the wild card round on Idol. I really do wish her a near death experience. I am glad she is gone, and I’m glad that the Indian guy from North Carolina made it in the last spot. I think I found who to root for.

U2 on Letterman all week so far has been great, but I’m hoping that by the end of the week they do some old stuff. I love U2 but I’m just not feeling the new songs. See, this is why Letterman is just a better show than Jay Leno, Letterman takes risks and is actually funny.

If the JB Random Report End of the Year Awards had a category for most revealing album title, it would have gone to Beyonce for “I am…Sasha Feirce”. See?…I told you she was a drag queen.


In these hard economic times it’s nice to see Americans are still serious when it comes to our food. Authorities say a Florida woman called 911 three times after McDonald's employees told her they were out of McNuggets. I’m not making this up.
Latreasa L. Goodman told authorities she paid for a 10-piece but was later informed the restaurant had run out. When offered something else of equal or greater value, she became irate. OK do you really wanna keep food away from anyone named “Latreasa”? Just the name alone says “fat chick with a nasty attitude and fake nails.” Police say Goodman was cited on a misuse of 911 charge. I disagree with the charge. I mean, what if she had become even more irate and tried to eat Ronald?


  1. "If you were really addicted to cake you wouldn’t be here talking to me you would be turning tricks in front of a bakery."


    Why are you rooting for PR and Cuba and not the Dominican?

    A-Rod is not getting surgery...for now. Word is, they'll drain the cyst and he'll play thru the pain. But since the tear won't heal on its own, surgery is imminent at some point.

    That McNuggets/911 story was one of the best examples of that particular section of your blog, ever.

    Un abrazo.

  2. Ahhhh my friend, how could I possibly not root for DR? What I said was the OTHER Caribbean teams. DR was the first team I mentioned, but reading it again I realize I should have written "as well" somewhere at the end of that paragraph. So thanks to the miracle of later editing, I did.
    DR has it's first game today against The Netherlands. I optimistically see them making the finals against S. Korea, but that middle relief for DR better come through. And not to mention I have a team DR hat that is no longer for sale anywhere that I will rock on the days they play.
    Yes as of today A-Rod has decided against surgery. As a sufferer of more than a few physical injuries in my day, I can tell you that rehab can heal the tear in time, but there is no way it will heal properly if he has decided to keep swinging a bat all year. And in yet another reason to call this guy a flake, he has decided to tell team DR that he will not play for them now at the last minute. Granted his injury is a real one, but he had at least a week to make this decision and he tells them yesterday? It's getting harder to like this guy.

  3. From what I've been reading out there, it seems like the smart decision would be for A-Rod to have the surgery, immediately. The main example being Mike Lowell, who I hear was in a similar situation but played thru the season, but his condition deteriorated to the point that he was out of the roster by the end.

    If this applies to A-Rod it would be great for him to get it over with--he needs it anyway, I hear--and come back from surgery in July, ready to kick some ass.

    What do you think?

    Btw, The Netherlands beat the DR. [groan]

  4. Well in the latest "ALL things A-Rod" looks like he is getting the surgery and he should. Like I said, you can't heal if you swing a bat all year, even if the pain isn't that bad.
    I think he'll be out ten weeks tops, which should have him good to go some time @ the end of May. It's a good move, get him out of the spotlight for a while and give him a chance to think.