Wednesday, March 11, 2009

The JB Random Report 3/11/09

Yeah it’s my birthday (March 12th) again, I will now celebrate quietly…zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Hey did you know that Al Jarreau shares my birthday? It’s OK neither did I. That’s so cool!

When CNBC’s Jim Cramer dismissed Jon Stewart as merely “a comedian” with a “variety show” he showed how completely out of touch he is, considering that more people trust Stewart’s insight than Cramer’s shitty financial advice. I’d let Kramer from Seinfeld handle my 401(k) before this asshole.

Now I know a lot of my readers think that I failed to celebrate Women’s History Month because I didn’t include a dictionary or some cute list designed to piss women off with the truth (just think of my March blogs for the last two years). Truth is Asylum actually did it for me. A few months ago I read an obviously bias list on AOL entitled “types of guys you don’t want to date.” Which didn’t bother me until they made the most ridiculous stretches in their evaluations like “if he is a charmer then he will cheat” or “if he lives at home he is still needy” Hey asshole, did it ever occur to you that maybe he lives at home because his parents need him? So I was preparing my own list but Asylum beat me to the punch, so I thought I would just post the link.

The difference between man-hating feminazi lists and this one is that even women will secretly agree with this list, as many of my female readers secretly agreed with my writings on the subject.


I’m becoming bored with reporting that North Carolina has once again trounced Duke. It’s getting so easy. My number 1 seeds would be North Carolina, UConn, Pitt, and yep, Oklahoma over Memphis (weak conference) or Louisville.

The Netherlands? The fucking Netherlands? How did they possibly beat Dominican Republic not once, but twice in the World Baseball Classic? Aren’t these the same assholes that wear wooden shoes and eat a lot of chocolate? Didn’t they used to be Holland once? They deserve to lose just because they confuse so many map makers. How could they possibly beat DR, and how did so many black guys end up on the team? Strange, considering that there are no brothers actually living in the Netherlands. Did they bus them in? It’s not like they have a Bushwick or South Central in that country. Then I realized that half their team is from Curacao. Can they get away with that? Then again Mike Piazza did play for Italy in 2006 and I’m convinced I speak better Italian than he does.


There is a new overused phrase on AI now…”I didn’t feel the connection” add that to “pitchy.”
That Megan chick is pretty hot for a white chick, and so is that MILF she calls mom. Notice how many single moms are on Idol this year? They should think about getting day care next year like a community college. I hate that asshole that massacred “Satisfaction,” but the dude can sing. And did you see how huge Paula’s rack looked last night? Am I the only one confused by that whole “you’re getting voted off but the judges can save you” crap?
I don’t know whose idea it was to have Michael Jackson night, but come on…before he lost his mind and became a white woman he was pretty cool. I guess he’s strapped (no pun intended) for cash just like anyone living under this economy. I wonder if he will be able to afford another payoff to the family of his next molestation victim.

“Who’s Afraid of Virginia Wolf?” A great play written by a great writer, Edward Albee, who just happens to share my birthday!


The fact that these people share our borders…If you have HBO, there is a compelling documentary by Alexandra Pelosi (yes, daughter of the Speaker of the House) that you should really watch called “Right America, Feeling Wronged.” Now given her lineage you would expect her to be somewhat biased and only interview redneck yahoos, but I assure you this is an objective piece, which makes its content considerably more disturbing. There were white conservatives so terrified at the prospect of a black president weeping because John McCain lost; Going from hating Barack Obama to loving their guns and praising Jesus in a single sentence. One person said that they were “serving God” by voting Republican (so much for separation of church and state). Some bragged about not watching CNN. One asshole said that “Socialism was the views of Hitler.” Simply breathtaking. One even said “I’m not partial to blacks” then justified it by saying “We’re in the South.”
There were so many stupid things said by these right-wing shitheads I could barely contain myself. But my favorite was the sparingly-toothed idiot who said “I wanna keep my wealth” To which the most polite response would be “What fucking wealth?” Seriously does he think that the government is gonna go after the gold bricks that hold up his double-wide trailer? Sir, the tax increases put forth by the president are for families making over $250,000. This clearly does not affect you. I promise on behalf of President Obama that no one will come after your lawn chairs or your collection of John Deere caps.
The only voice of reason actually came from a southern black man that was interviewed who defended the south by simply saying “racism isn’t just in the south; like they don’t say ‘nigger’ in New York?” Good point, but I wish he was on our side.

1 comment:

  1. - Great line about Cramer/Kramer.

    - Man, those chicks are a nightmare. Great advice from Asylum.

    - The WBC team representing the DR should be ashamed of themselves.

    - Jacko definitely needs to build up his retirement/hush money fund.

    - A virulent strain of anti-intellectualism--which seems to go as far back as the Nixon administration, but has taken hold of the party ever since Ronald Reagan became president in 1980--has the been the main focus of the GOP for decades, now. They've been cynically and purposely manipulating the perceived--and otherwise confirmed--ignorance of a certain sector of the populace to their advantage. These are Limbaugh and Hannity's audience and the core of the party's following they always count on, whether they admit to it or not.