The JB Random Report 3/18/09

NEWS & CURRENT EVENTS

I shouldn’t laugh upon hearing the news that racist and overall asshole Don Imus has stage II prostate cancer right? Ok so why can’t I stop? And since when does he have balls?

Just in case you needed another reason to hate insurance companies…After receiving more than $170 billion in Federal bail-out money, AIG Insurance decided to use about $450 million of that cash to give out executive bonuses. Un-fucking-believeable. Their argument being that the bonuses were in their contracts and thus the execs were entitled to them. Sure, until you declare a state of financial emergency, an act which effectively voids such contracts. And why don’t I feel better about the Congressional hearings held today “explaining” all this?
Rep. Barney Frank, Chairman of the House Financial Services Committee and without a doubt the coolest gay man in public office said it best, paying millions in executive bonuses to these assholes amounts to "rewarding incompetence." Sure, but why participate in writing legislation that allowed this in the first place?

SPORTS

In the words of the immortal Dicky V…”It’s tournament time babyyyy!” Of course I’m picking Carolina to win it all, if they don’t now they won’t for a while. Tyler Hansbrough is a senior and Ty Lawson is hurt every March.

Just in case you didn’t think Barack Obama was the coolest man on Earth, he filled out brackets for the NCAA Tournament on ESPN. When was the last time you saw that? When approached to fill out brackets, former president George W Bush said “I don’t know how to operate the torturing devices, that’s Cheney’s job.” Hey guess what? The president and I both have Carolina! Yet further proof that great minds think alike.

Is it me or is Alex Rodriguez slowly venturing into Michael Jackson/Britney Spears boobie-hatch territory? That wasn’t a sexy spread in Details magazine, it was just fucking weird. Dude, this steroids thing won’t blow over unless you keep a low profile; that photo spread didn’t help.

AMERICAN IDOL & ENTERTAINMENT

I’m still not feeling this “you are voted off but you can be saved” shit on Idol. I guess they just want the show to go on forever.

I really do feel terrible for the family of actress Natasha Richardson. And I think it was in poor taste that when she was brain dead for a few hours the Republican Party asked her to run for president.

THIS WEEK’S REASON WHY TERRORISTS WANNA KILL US

Anyone using the terms “Man-Date” or Bro-mance” to describe an actual occurrence in his own life is homosexual.

NEW YORK – Who knew that insecure, anorexic bimbos desperately seeking approval could be so violent? Then again when you think about it how could they not be? Three were arrested and six hurt Saturday after a riot broke out while they waited to audition for "America's Next Top Model.” And in the wake of this nuclear holocaust sized conflict for shitheads, the street outside the hotel was littered with shoes and clothing, further evidence of the culture of violence oh-too-common in the modeling industry. I wonder if they found any weaves or fake nails?