Thursday, February 26, 2009

The JB Random Report 2/26/09


Barack Obama likes to make speeches doesn’t he? He gave that speech today outlining details of a $3.55 trillion spending plan that would boost taxes on the rich and lay the groundwork for universal health care. This budget, which he referred to as "an honest accounting of where we are and where we intend to go" pretty much gave everyone in the room a nosebleed those numbers were so high. Regardless of whether or not you agree with the plan, at least he is being refreshingly honest.
Then there was that address before Congress Tuesday, that seemed more like an early State of The Union Address than an informal speech. Most of the Supreme Court Justices showed up, along with the Joint Chiefs of Staff. It was nice to see Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg back on the job after her recent cancer episode. Noticeably absent were Justices Antonin Scalia, David Souter and John Paul Stevens. Scalia (sigh) said that the speeches have become increasingly partisan; Odd position to take by a member of a body that is supposed to be non-political. I think the real reason he stayed home was that being such an arch conservative he still doesn’t believe anyone that tells him Ginsburg’s cancer isn’t contagious, like cooties.
And, as is tradition in State of the Union addresses, flavor of the month guests showed up as special invitees. This time it was hero pilot Captain Chesley B. “Sully” Sullenberger III, who safely landed a commuter jet into the Hudson River. But even Sully can’t keep this economy from sinking. And was it just me or was that Larry Flynt sitting behind the First Lady?
When Obama walked into the chamber after being announced by the sergeant at arms I could have sworn I heard “Theme From Shaft” by Issac Hayes playing in the background. Though the speech seemed like an hour plus of the democrats kissing their own ass, (They applauded the president and each other so much I thought Nancy Pelosi was gonna give Joe Biden a lap dance) what was actually said during the speech is the reason why we elected him - A clear concise agenda for progress that everyone can easily understand. A transparent, well thought out plan where the issues focused on are clear, and so is the amount of money needed to make them happen. You came away from this speech with three words…Education, Health Care and Energy (ok that was actually four but you know what I mean). When was the last time you came away from a presidential address with three words? I mean three words that actually made sense and were used in a grammatically correct manner?

There really was nothing for the Republicans to actually “respond” to, unless they were ready to apologize for not regulating their big corporation buddies that got us into this mess. And since the Republicans needed to get the darkest face possible in front of a camera in order to prove they are not two steps above the John Birch Society, they chose Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal to deliver the response. What is Bobby short for by the way? For those of you who don’t know this guy, he is a rising star in a party that needs some new faces and I’m not taking about botox. In all fairness, he did clean up that culture of corruption in Louisiana politics a la Huey P. Long. So this is his big chance to finally shine on a national stage and what does he do? He endorses the continuing pattern of fear mongering by Republicans, speaking against the evils of socialism and how he believes “Americans can do anything.” Actually we might need some help in doing anything right now. He believes what would get us out of this economic crisis is to give a tax credit for home buyers. Umm excuse me Bobby, maybe you haven’t been paying attention but…WE’RE BROKE! NO ONE IS BUYING HOUSES! What got us into this mess was buying houses with no money in the first place. Can Republicans really be that clueless?


Continuing what seems to be the trend this season of massacring good songs, the judges on Idol kissed some guys ass for destroying “Satisfaction” by my all-time favorite band, The Rolling Stones. How did they even get clearance to do this shit? I don’t know but I’m just not feeling this season. Everyone kinda sucks and that fourth judge is just annoying. I’m still waiting for something to happen. As usual they let some pretty lame people through to the next round. I was hoping those “Vote for the Worst” people would have kept that crazy white guy with the headbands on the show for a while longer. Doesn’t he remind you of the geek in college that would allow you to get him drunk then feed him the latest lab experiments just so that he could fit in?


So the Tampa Bay Buccaneers released Joey Galloway, Derrick Brooks, Warrick Dunn, Ike Hilliard and anyone else who actually might help them win a game. Derrick Brooks? Are you kidding? This move does clear about $50 million in salary cap, but for what? Who is the amazing free agent phenom that’s gonna replace an 11-time Pro-Bowler?

In case you haven’t noticed, the Knicks have actually managed to win a few games this year. Nate Robinson, known only for being the little guy who can dunk, has scored 32 points in 5 of 7 games, and they are even winning a few of those.


Detectives Rich Light and Frank Massaro, Officer Mike DiLauria, and Code Enforcement Officer Ed DiBuono. These assholes are cops in Westchester County, New York who decided it would be fun to berate their mayor on their Facebook pages. And when that wasn't boneheaded enough for these middle-aged adolescents, one of them decided to make racial remarks against President Barack Obama. They certainly have a right to their opinion, but putting it on Facebook? Are you stupid? See...THIS is the racism that Al Sharpton needs to address. Racism by those actually charged with protecting a racially diverse public.


  1. I liked your take on the pseudo State of the Union and the response: Funny and on-point.

    I don't follow/like football, but I heard something like 8 NFL head coaches got let go since last season. Wow... Oh, and are Knicks fans gonna be pissed that Stephon Marbury is now a Celtic?

    One last question: wouldn't it have been less disheartening and stereotypical--or maybe not--if all of these bonehead cops didn't have Italian surnames?

  2. Italians who are racist against blacks should read the history of the Moorish invasions and deal with the fact that they may have some black blood in them.
    What bothers me is that my firm has an office in New London, CT, which means I drive through that county regularly. I should not be subjected to being pulled over by racist cops.
    I strongly believe that everyone is entitled to their opinion, and I know what it's like to be unemployed so I hate to see anyone lose their job. I also believe there can be little actionable wrongdoing in being an idiot on Facebook (If that were the case then everyone with a bong photo would be subject to...ok bad example). However, their views are out there regardless of how they were discovered. These facts make them unfit to stop, frisk, or arrest anyone without their objectivity being questioned. Which makes them unfit to deal with the public at large.

    Like them or not (and I do not) The Celtics have a great coach, and solid leadership on the court & in the locker room with Allan, Garnett and Pierce. Marbury will not be allowed to be the cancer that he was with the Knicks, which means that team with him shuting his mouth and coming off the bench might very well repeat as champions. Just in case you needed another reason to hate Boston.

  3. "Italians ... should ... deal with the fact that they may have some black blood in them."

    You know, I thought about that when I first saw kinky-haired, Sicilian-born Frank Sivero, who played Genco Abbandando in The Godfather (part II) and Frankie Carbone in Goodfellas.

  4. WOW...The time honored "Obsure character from The Godfather/Goodfellas/Scarface/Apocalypse Now" reference used to make a point...excellent work!

  5. Just helping to drive home your point even further, brotherman. Cheers.