NEWS & CURRENT EVENTS
If you don’t want to watch your best friend’s face get ripped off, don’t keep a fucking chimp as a pet. And certainly don’t go on TV and say that you miss eating, bathing (ewwwwwww) and sleeping in the same bed with the chimp, because that’s one step over the booby hatch line. It’s a wild animal you asshole not a husband substitute or the child you never had.
And speaking of that famous chimp, a New York Post cartoon that some have interpreted as comparing President Barack Obama to a violent chimpanzee gunned down by police, really pissed off civil rights leaders and elected officials who said it echoed racist stereotypes of blacks as monkeys. Well...maybe it didn't until you guys brought it up. The cartoon refers to our friend Travis the chimp who was killed by police in Stamford, Conn., after it mauled a friend of its owner. It shows two police officers, one with a smoking gun, standing over the body of a shot-up chimp and reads: "They'll have to find someone else to write the next stimulus bill." I think what he was trying to say that even a chimp could write such a horrible Bill with nearly $200 billion in pork, but the phony-sensitive, political opportunists will differ I’m sure. Remember, Obama didn't actually write the bill. Regardless if whether or not you were offended, it didn’t take long for State Sen. Eric Adams and resident New York buffoon Rev. Al Sharpton to chime in with their cheap shots. Calling the cartoon racist is an easy position to take, it certainly can be interpreted that way, but then complaining that it trivialized a tragedy in which a woman was disfigured and a chimpanzee killed is a little too much. It’s a fucking pet…it IS trivial…sorry assholes who substitute pets for humans because you are incapable of human relationships, but it’s a fact. Others said the cartoon suggests that Obama should be assassinated (are you fucking kidding?). Many urged a boycott of the Post and the companies that advertise in it. Well that shouldn’t be too hard to do, only retards read the Post anyway.
It is not the first time that Sean Delonas, the longtime cartoonist for the Post's Page Six, has been in trouble. He made fun of Paul McCartney's ex-wife Heather Mills for having only one leg, he compared gay people seeking marriage licenses to sheep lovers, and last month, an enormous Jessica Simpson dumps Tony Romo for Ronald McDonald. (ok this guy’s an asshole but that last one is pretty funny.)
AMERICAN IDOL & ENTERTAINMENT
Isn’t it creepy having your parents to greet you backstage after you have just been berated by the Idol judges? I wouldn’t want my parents anywhere near yet another opportunity for them to embarrass the crap outta me. I thought both nights kinda sucked. A lot of cool songs were massacred, “Rock With You” and “Every Little Thing She Does is Magic” in particular. And if that new judge says “We don’t know who you are as an artist” one more time I’m going to force her to watch me kill myself. The three people they got are good enough I guess, but no one really impressed me enough. I’m glad that maniacal Tatiana chick is gone.
Raise your hand if you have had just about enough A-Rod, his cousins, his cousin’s loudmouth wife, his uncles, nieces and nephews for one millenium! Let’s play ball already.
What an uneventful trading deadline in the NBA huh? Do you know who Larry Hughes is? It’s ok neither does anyone else, anyway the Knicks got him.
ASSHOLE OF THE WEEK
Barack Obama really can’t get a break. First it was his loudmouth wife cackling about how it took her 40 years to finally be proud to be American, and now it’s U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder calling the country he has sworn to serve “a nation of cowards.” Mr. Holder if you want to remind everyone how racist this country is at every opportunity you are in front of a microphone, that’s your business. However, maybe since you are now serving this nation, a more careful choice of words is in order. Sir, this is clearly not a nation of cowards, and I know a few guys I served with who might remind you of that if you were ever man enough to say it to their face. You better hope that your security detail is foreign born.