Thursday, February 19, 2009

The JB Random Report 2/19/09


If you don’t want to watch your best friend’s face get ripped off, don’t keep a fucking chimp as a pet. And certainly don’t go on TV and say that you miss eating, bathing (ewwwwwww) and sleeping in the same bed with the chimp, because that’s one step over the booby hatch line. It’s a wild animal you asshole not a husband substitute or the child you never had.

And speaking of that famous chimp, a New York Post cartoon that some have interpreted as comparing President Barack Obama to a violent chimpanzee gunned down by police, really pissed off civil rights leaders and elected officials who said it echoed racist stereotypes of blacks as monkeys. Well...maybe it didn't until you guys brought it up. The cartoon refers to our friend Travis the chimp who was killed by police in Stamford, Conn., after it mauled a friend of its owner. It shows two police officers, one with a smoking gun, standing over the body of a shot-up chimp and reads: "They'll have to find someone else to write the next stimulus bill." I think what he was trying to say that even a chimp could write such a horrible Bill with nearly $200 billion in pork, but the phony-sensitive, political opportunists will differ I’m sure. Remember, Obama didn't actually write the bill. Regardless if whether or not you were offended, it didn’t take long for State Sen. Eric Adams and resident New York buffoon Rev. Al Sharpton to chime in with their cheap shots. Calling the cartoon racist is an easy position to take, it certainly can be interpreted that way, but then complaining that it trivialized a tragedy in which a woman was disfigured and a chimpanzee killed is a little too much. It’s a fucking pet…it IS trivial…sorry assholes who substitute pets for humans because you are incapable of human relationships, but it’s a fact. Others said the cartoon suggests that Obama should be assassinated (are you fucking kidding?). Many urged a boycott of the Post and the companies that advertise in it. Well that shouldn’t be too hard to do, only retards read the Post anyway.
It is not the first time that Sean Delonas, the longtime cartoonist for the Post's Page Six, has been in trouble. He made fun of Paul McCartney's ex-wife Heather Mills for having only one leg, he compared gay people seeking marriage licenses to sheep lovers, and last month, an enormous Jessica Simpson dumps Tony Romo for Ronald McDonald. (ok this guy’s an asshole but that last one is pretty funny.)


Isn’t it creepy having your parents to greet you backstage after you have just been berated by the Idol judges? I wouldn’t want my parents anywhere near yet another opportunity for them to embarrass the crap outta me. I thought both nights kinda sucked. A lot of cool songs were massacred, “Rock With You” and “Every Little Thing She Does is Magic” in particular. And if that new judge says “We don’t know who you are as an artist” one more time I’m going to force her to watch me kill myself. The three people they got are good enough I guess, but no one really impressed me enough. I’m glad that maniacal Tatiana chick is gone.


Raise your hand if you have had just about enough A-Rod, his cousins, his cousin’s loudmouth wife, his uncles, nieces and nephews for one millenium! Let’s play ball already.

What an uneventful trading deadline in the NBA huh? Do you know who Larry Hughes is? It’s ok neither does anyone else, anyway the Knicks got him.


Barack Obama really can’t get a break. First it was his loudmouth wife cackling about how it took her 40 years to finally be proud to be American, and now it’s U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder calling the country he has sworn to serve “a nation of cowards.” Mr. Holder if you want to remind everyone how racist this country is at every opportunity you are in front of a microphone, that’s your business. However, maybe since you are now serving this nation, a more careful choice of words is in order. Sir, this is clearly not a nation of cowards, and I know a few guys I served with who might remind you of that if you were ever man enough to say it to their face. You better hope that your security detail is foreign born.


  1. I know we don't always see eye-to-eye, but I must strenuously disagree with your whole take on the NY Post cartoon matter. It's not just the racist tone of the thing, but also the implied condoning of violence towards elected officials that it represents, all too reminiscent of what we saw and heard during the McCain/Palin campaign.

    I don't want this thing censored; thankfully the First Amendment goes both ways: they have the right to publish their racist bullshit and I have the right to protest it.

    As for a Post boycott, that paper has ALWAYS been in the red during Rupert Murdoch's ownership, subsidized by Fox News and other properties, so that would be of no avail. (Plus, I also suspect a large segment of the paper's readership has no problem with that kind of commentary, anyway.)

    But, there is hope: Murdoch's News Corp. allegedly posted $6 billion in losses during the final quarter of 2008, so maybe the Post's days may be numbered, anyway.

  2. Once again, Obama didnt actually Write the bill. I just think the phonys are reaching to find something to complain about.

  3. Whether or not Obama wrote the bill is not the point. It's that the reader can make the connection between the cartoon monkey/chimp and Obama. That's the point.

    I don't consider myself a phony nor am I super-sensitive about racial jokes. This cartoon crossed the line and the outrage over it is appropriate. I think it irks you that Al Sharpton is involved in the protest, who you obviously don't like. Fine. But to paint with a broad stroke those of us who are upset is a bit lazy on your part.

  4. Well I think it is kinda phony to be outraged at an issue that doesn't exist. What is the connection between Obama and those who wrote the stimulus package? Obama just favored it, he didn't WRITE it. There really is no way to ignore that one very important point. However those who wanna get their faces on TV and rant just fail to realize it.
    If we allow such stretches to incite outrage, we are gonna have alot of outraging to do. I would just rather spend my time protesting something with an actual connection to racism.

  5. Hey, if you choose not to see it there's no way I or anyone else can do anything about it.

  6. Oh, and thanks for the compliment. [shrug/eyes rolling back into normal position]

  7. Oh, and btw let's give the statement its rightful context (emphasis mine):

    "Though the nation has proudly thought of itself as an ethnic melting pot, in things racial we have always been and continue to be, in too many ways, essentially a nation of cowards.

    Though race-related issues continue to occupy a significant portion of our political discussion and though there remain many unresolved racial issues in this nation, we average Americans simply do not talk enough with each other about race.

  8. The WORDS he used to express those views were unacceptable, I don't care what his views were, my problem was with his choice of words. I don't give a shit what "context" anyone thinks he used them in, and I certainly don't believe that anyone is qualified to think for the speaker himself. Let him use those words in front of a family who has lost a servicemember in war and we will see who the coward is.
    He has a right to think, say, and use whatever words he wants, but this man is in a very significant cabinet position, if he really feels that way then maybe he shouldn't be paid a salary to serve this "nation of cowards." I'm sure he is more than qualified to serve a nation of assholes.

    As for the cartoon, I AM capable of seeing things through other people's point of view, but I am not going to ignore facts just to accuse anyone of racism. Since maybe the facts are unclear, Let me help you out...If the caption had read "They'll have to find someone else to PASS, SUPPORT, or most importantly, SIGN the next stimulus bill." Then I would be concerned about it being racist and somehow connected to the president. I'm sorry that people choose to ignore the english language so they can cry racism, but I'm just not ready to do that yet.

  9. "I'm sorry that people choose to ignore the english language..."

    Wow...did you notice that was EXACTLY what you did?

    I guess people will see/read/hear what they want to. I'm not trying to get into or interpret what's on the AG's brain, since his statement is LITERAL and COULDN'T BE ANY CLEARER. But I will give you a year's salary if you can show me EXACTLY WHERE in his statement he calls servicemen and women cowards. Or where he makes the accusation outside the realm of race relations. He spoke EXCLUSIVELY about the cowardice involved in ignoring racism. That's not me interpreting, IT'S RIGHT THERE, plain as day.

    You can say that using the word "coward" rubs you the wrong way and that he should've worded the statement more carefully, and I'll give you that. But to extrapolate from his statement that he called servicemen and women cowards is incredibly irresponsible. I think that's the definition of what they popularly refer to in the Dominican as "looking for the cat's fifth leg".

    As for the cartoon, your attempt at parsing is not working. Neither is your condescending tone, my friend. It doesn't suit you. AND more importantly, despite what you may be implying, I'm no idiot.

  10. He doesn't have to call anyone a coward specifically for any American, including servicemen to be offended. And I see the word coward being used to describe this nation, sorry but that's unacceptable coming from someone who works to defend it.

    As for the cartoon, (and this might just be the last time I address this)I didn't imply or call anyone anything. The clear readings are there I don't have to insult anyone to get a point across.