The JB Random Report 10/23/08

NEWS & CURRENT EVENTS

Even I have to admit Sarah Palin was entertaining on Saturday Night Live. She helped her cause greatly by having a sense of humor about herself, not to mention that she is kinda cute. Her candidacy has been the greatest thing to happen to that show since John Belushi.

I am always saying that local politicians are merely people whose deepest, darkest secret prohibits them from running for a higher office…and here’s further proof of that! Nebraska state senator Ernie Chambers had his case thrown out of Douglas County District Court. Not for any other reason but that this man was trying to sue God. Now it was entertained long enough for the judge to dismiss the case not because the Plaintiff is a complete fucking maniac, but because since no address can be found for God he could not be served with process. I guess there is nothing better for the legal system to do in Nebraska. See this is why these yahoos don’t get any Homeland Security money!

LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS

In a world full of gold-digging Heather Mills McCartneys, it’s nice to see a guy (no pun intended) get paid for having to bang an irrelevant hag for 8 years. After consulting her Kaballah advisors, who I guess make all the decisions for this insecure nitwit, Madonna is gonna pay up. Looks like Guy Ritchie might be getting $40 million for keeping the younger folks that like his movies interested in her. Mills did absolutely nothing to help McCartney’s exposure and still got millions. So, in the words of Malcolm X, “I say what the Bible says, I say what the Qur’an says…I say it’s justice.”

A light has gone out in the world. We are all suffering the loss of an icon. The man, the myth, the legend, Rudy Ray Moore, best known to 70’s blaxploitation fans as Dolemite the Kung Fu Pimp, died Sunday.
When your signature line was "rappin' and tappin' is my game!" You know the world is just a bit darker without you.

SPORTS

Maybe it’s not good for TV ratings, but the Tampa Bay Rays are the most interesting team in baseball, and they deserve to be in the World Series. What I love about them, and the reason why baseball purists should jump on their bandwagon, is that they did it the right way…developing their farm system and hanging on to their young talent. I remember ten years ago when the Yankees did that. All those good players they have are under contract for a while. So get used to them being good. The Phillies have been winning together a bit longer, so they might pull out the series in 7 games, but even I thought Tampa Bay was gonna stay in the cellar this season.

THIS WEEK’S REASON WHY TERRORISTS WANNA KILL US

I saw an ad the other day where people who own pets were referring to themselves as “pet parents” as opposed to “pet owners” Are you fucking kidding me? Did you actually give birth to that flea bag? I can’t believe how pathetic these pet lovers have become that they attempt to justify the fact that they are social retards by giving animals human traits.