The JB Random Report 10/2/08

WILL WRITE YOUR BLOG FOR FOOD!

NEWS & CURRENT EVENTS

Last week’s Presidential debate had no clear winner. John McCain showed his political savvy by being able to make every point he wanted to against a man who is clearly a better speaker than him. The “Nixon-Kennedy” effect bounced right off McCain and a better looking, better speaking Barack Obama, didn’t totally kill him in the debate. Something that can kill McCain (besides old age) is that Sarah Palin.
Did you see that Vice Presidential debate? First of all, why is there only one? I loved watching how Sarah Palin just decided to ask then answer her own questions, ignoring Gwen Ifill all together. I guess she wanted to talk about the things she had been spending weeks studying. Come on, this brain tumor didn’t even know Afghanistan was a country until someone told her. She also spent part of the debate criticizing the government and how it should not be involved in taxing or health care. Did anyone tell her that her party is the one currently in office and has been for 8 years? I’ve never seen so many lights on while no one was home. I was surprised that Joe Biden, not known for his warmth, didn’t go in for the kill. With her mildly retarded answers, she gave him more than one opportunity to wipe the floor with her and he didn’t, and this race is too close not to. Biden clearly dominated the debate, but the blow up doll is still up way past her bed time. I’m hoping to start a new trend by calling her public speaking engagements “Talking Points to Nowhere.” You all have my permission to use it (during private conversations only of course).

With a 27% approval rating, which even when combined with our lowered expectations of him is pretty bad, all I hoped for was that President Bush didn’t have one more big “fuck-up” left in him before he left office. I hate when my prayers are not answered.
And you know what, Republicans? To use the Obama phrase…Yes We Can!...blame this administration for the financial crisis. The de-regulation that Bush was so supportive of played a major role in corporate greed running amok.
What kills me is how once again the Republicans in the House played on the stupidity of the American people by saying “We won’t bail out Wall Street at the expense of the American taxpayer.” Yeah, like not bailing out the companies where all those American taxpayers have their 401(k) retirement packages is really in their best interest. And in further proof that Members of the House are merely politicians whose deepest, darkest secret prohibits them from running for higher office, even some of the slower minded Democrats are falling for that line. Like Jose Serrano (D), Representative from the Bronx. The only New York Representative not to vote for the “rescue package” bill (sounds a lot nicer than “bailout” right? Almost like no one is gonna go to jail over this), said something to the effect that his constituents will suffer. What he fails to see is that any of his constituents who want to retire one day will suffer even more. And what I fail to see is how someone this stupid was elected to public office. How can I know more about the financial crisis and the effect it will have on his constituents than he does?
And Nancy Pelosi, next time you send a bill to the floor, make sure you actually have the votes to pass it. In our justifiable hatred for Republicans in office, we have continually given Pelosi a pass and not mentioned she is one of the weakest, most ineffective House Speakers we have ever had. Incidentally, this woman is only two heartbeats away from the presidency. The only heart stopping her is Dick Cheney’s…and he has a pacemaker!

ENTERTAINMENT

I have always wondered what makes someone an icon. That’s such a big word, and like many other big words, overused by people with a limited vocabulary. So much that it can sometimes lose its luster. To me, a necessary ingredient in making an icon is how others can relate to and identify with them. Now that’s not the only factor, I mean people consider Princess Diana an icon and not all of us have lived in Buckingham Palace. But more of us can identify with “Fast” Eddie Felson, a guy who was really good at something, but not good enough to be great enough to beat someone who really is great just once. Then later on seeing someone with all of the talent he wishes he had, and none of the brains he does have. That’s hard.
Maybe all of us don’t know what its like to be smart enough to be anything, but ending up in jail for trying to break into a parking meter. And while in there, fighting the biggest guy, getting your ass kicked for breakfast, yet the whole prison comes to worship you. That’s damn near impossible, but not for “Cool Hand Luke” Jackson. That’s why we love fiction so much, and those who really know how to tell it.
We really are losing our icons, and there is no one today that can replace them. No actor today can play a hard luck loser without looking like a clown. There was only one who could make a character look so beautiful in defeat. Only one that can make the anti-hero so romantic as to be almost envied. So I guess part of being an icon is being irreplaceable. Paul Newman will be missed.

Clay Aiken finally revealed that he was gay last week, after keep it such a well-guarded secret for so long. In a related story, the economy is fucked, the sky is blue, and the world is round.

SPORTS

Joe Torre made the playoffs again for the 13th time in a row…too bad it was with the Dodgers. Seriously what were the Yankees thinking? I said it before and I’ll say it again…if anyone could have done Joe Torre’s job better than Joe Torre then replace him, but no one could. Not that I don’t like Joe Girardi, but the Yankees are home right now. Torre, Don Mattingly and Larry Bowa are not. Nice to see Brian Cashman getting a contract extension, keeping the Yankee tradition of over paying useless free agents. Not that I totally dislike Cashman either, but he seems to get a pass for a lot of bad decisions (two words…Carl Pavano) and credit for winning teams that he didn’t even build. Remember it was the first black General Manager in baseball history, Bob Watson that built those World Series teams from scratch.

Did anyone see that surreal press conference given by 79 year old Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis explaining why he fired head coach Lane Kiffin? It was like watching the Crypt Keeper in a reality bending Wes Anderson movie.

LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS

You know a very embarrassing way to gauge whether or not you might have slept with too many girls? Walking down the street, not talking to the girl walking towards you yet recognizing her face without remembering her name, having her give you a certain “look” then wondering to yourself, “Ummm…did we…?” Maybe it’s time to get out of New York for a while.

THIS WEEK’S REASON WHY TERRORISTS WANNA KILL US

Although I’ve never actually watched it, it only takes 15 minutes of “The View” to hate that show. Them and stupid religious fanatics who say they follow a Bible they have obviously never even read. Did you see those ridiculous yentas on “The View” trying to convert my hero Bill Maher? I loved it when the fat black chick told Maher that “God spoke to me,” and Maher just said “then its time to call Bellevue.” It’s sad when these religious yahoos have no proof what so ever of their beliefs yet criticize those who choose not to have an imaginary friend to talk to. When did America get so dumb? I haven’t recommended a movie since 2006, but you really should see “Religulous,” especially those who follow religion blindly.