The JB Random Report 10/8/08

NEWS & CURRENT EVENTS

People, don’t get too excited. Remember John Kerry won all three debates over George W Bush in 2004. I mean, ok, Kerry did have an unfair advantage as Bush is a retard, but winning didn’t seem to matter much to the shitheads that voted for the guy they wanted to have a beer with.

I’m curious as to how the $700 billion rescue package wasn’t approved by the House until $140 billion was added to it for “pork-barrel” projects. Didn’t John McCain say that he was against this? Why did he vote for the plan without so much as a token objection? In all fairness, Barack Obama voted for it too, but “getting rid of pork” and “making them famous” was a McCain campaign promise, not an Obama promise. So is anyone famous yet?

And it’s nice to finally see some fiscal responsibility from big corporations. Days after it got $37.8 billion in a federal bailout, American International Group Inc. tightened its financial belt by spending $440,000 to send its executives to the St. Regis resort south of Los Angeles, complete with spa treatments, banquets and golf outings. But they refused to be decadent, inside sources told me that the company refused to pay for the hookers.

A federal judge ordered the Bush administration to immediately free 17 Chinese Muslims known as Uighurs from Guantanamo Bay. Great idea until U.S. District Judge Ricardo M. Urbina also suggested that they be released into the United States. Brilliant…let’s put the guys who hated us to begin with, that we illegally imprisoned, onto US soil. I mean its not like Muslim fanatics have a violent reputation or anything.
The Bush administration has refused to turn the Uighurs over to China because they might be tortured. Right…concerns about torture from the folks who brought you Abu-Ghraib. How can they stack bullshit so high?

SPORTS

I didn’t make picks for the World Series this year, but I have to admit while speaking at the revered water cooler, I did favor the Cubs and the Angels. Both teams are gone. I really thought they were the best teams, even though, and I hate to admit it, I am quietly rooting for Joe Torre and the Dodgers, even if Manny Ramirez is a flake. And speaking of flakes, when talking about how Alex Rodriguez can’t bring it in the post season, let’s not forget the numbers of the guy he was traded for, Alfonso Soriano who is bating a robust .213 in postseason games and hit .071 in his last series.

In further proof that you can’t take the redneck out of the boy, Houston Astros pitcher Brandon Backe was arrested in a brawl…at a wedding reception. There’s something for the wedding video.

Terrell Owens is a maniac. Since he only got the ball twice last week, now he wants to invoke God’s glory into his whining. Dude, God is busy with the financial crisis he doesn’t care how many times you got the ball.

THIS WEEK’S REASON WHY TERRORISTS WANNA KILL US

Why not just oil up those yentas on “The View” and have them wrestle? None of them have any well read political opinions, which is why they are so hostile to each other when they start talking politics. It’s kinda getting tired to watch them think they have brains, except for Barbara Walters of course. So break out the mats and baby oil because there really is nothing left for them to do.