Thursday, October 16, 2008

The JB Random Report 10/16/08


This presidential campaign is getting a bit testy isn’t it? Sarah Palin clearly isn’t qualified to be the vice president of a local chapter of Oprah’s Book Club, much less the most powerful nation in the world. Let me see if I understand this correctly…According to an official investigation, Sarah Palin abused her power in attempting to get her ex-brother in law fired, yet broke no law and will not be sanctioned at all? She is showing signs of finally realizing that she is in waaay over her air-filled head. Notice how she is cracking under the pressure by desperately accusing Barack Obama of supporting terrorist groups because in 1995 he was in the same room with William Ayers? A man who incidentally was cleared of all accusations made against him due to prosecutorial misconduct. And any involvement by Ayers in any subversive groups was at a time when Obama was in grade school. This is your big skeleton in the closet?

But the most disturbing thing was that Town Hall Meeting that John McCain spoke at in Minnesota last week. Who knew those people up there were so hostile and racist? I thought everyone from that part of the country was like those yahoos in that movie “Fargo.”
Look, racism comes from two places…fear and ignorance. Those people in Minnesota showed both. The prospect of a black president terrifies these people so much that they have turned into members of the John Birch Society. Their fear comes from the reality that even they know that Obama is the best candidate. Even they know that Republicans have investigated anyone and everyone who has ever crawled up Obama’s ass and still can’t come up with any legitimate questions as to his character or qualifications. So they resort to their last line of defense…hateful comments and hostility. You know, I actually feel bad for these people, kinda the same way I feel bad for vegetarians who drone on about saving cows but have never had a hot dog at Yankee Stadium or a steak at Geno’s in Philly.

Now I’m gonna use a term that no one has used in this campaign yet…ready? it is…Game Changer!! And guess what? McCain didn’t get one in this final Presidential debate. Once again, just because he did better than he did in the first two debates, doesn’t mean he won this one. Not that I was too happy with Obama either. There were at least three occasions where he could have let McCain have it but decided to pull his punches. Obama is “misunderestimating “(if I may take one of my final opportunities to quote President Fuck Up) his lead, thinking that he has the election in the bag and doesn’t have to fight back too hard. Dude…remember 2004!


With all due respect to Joe Piscopo doing Frank Sinatra…have you ever in the history of Saturday Night Live seen a better imitation of anyone than Tina Fey doing Sarah Palin?

Guy Ritchie finally makes a good movie after separating from that hag Madonna…coincidence?


Thank you. However, I’m so good in bed that I have never really needed sexual reassurances about size, but thank you again for using the word “huge.” I have heard “big,” “big enough,” “above average,” even had a girl say “wow” once…but never “huge.” I don’t know if you were needlessly stroking my ego, or you dated a lot of Japanese guys, but thank you. Yes...thank you.

There is a reason why Democrats are more fun than Republicans. It’s a solid group of people that can hold an intellectual conversation at a fundraiser peppered consistently with the word “fuck” and still manage to maintain its seriousness.


The Dallas Cowboys have given us a whole lot of drama to digest this week haven’t they? On the field, tying it on a 52 yard field goal with 4 seconds left was one of the best plays I’ve ever seen in the regular season. At that moment, the momentum of the game was theirs, and they manage to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. I like Tony Romo, but why is it that on 3rd and inches he can’t run it in? Troy Aikman always ran those in…of course he has 12 concussions but whatever. The Cowboys and Wade Phillips will have a lot to prove in the next 4 weeks, as Romo, who hasn’t been protected by his offensive line at all lately, will be out with a broken pinkie. He says he wants to play next week, but I knew Brett Favre, I watched Brett Favre, I chose Bret Favre playing Madden 09…Tony Romo you are no Bret Favre!
Off the field, Terrell Owens is still a maniac, and Adam Jones just got himself suspended by the NFL again. They did pick up Roy Williams, whose first 10 yards are actually faster than T.O.’s, so that’s good news.
Jerry Jones is an owner, not a “real” general manager, but I think he has been able to put together a good team. He took a chance on Adam Jones, and it looks like he gambled and lost. Everyone deserves a second chance, but Adam Jones has had six so far. Maybe it is time to move on.

But as quickly as the Cowboys seem to be imploding, I want to express my sympathy to Jets fans. It’s been 2 weeks of having to tolerate those eye sores they call uniforms.


OK I first want to apologize for sounding like an elitist music geek…but what is Os Mutantes music doing in a fucking McDonald’s Happy Meal commercial? This is a great, very influential band from Brazil; the brainchild of a brilliant guitar player named Sergio Dias. Their work from 40 years ago sounds just as fresh and interesting today. The Velvet Underground of “Tropicalia” music certainly deserve better than getting commercialized by that obnoxious fucking clown.

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