Run and Hide...It's the Zombiepocalypse! 6/8/12

NEWS & CURRENT EVENTS

Look, I’ve been getting a lot of flak lately for every once in a while, posting every two weeks instead of every week. But what you folks don’t realize is that when I am not commenting on how totally insane the world is becoming, I am out fighting Zombies that are now going public with their face eating and body part mass mailings.

Seriously what the fuck is this world coming to now? It’s bad enough that the United States has these home grown maniacs that sniff bath salts and eat people, but now Canada, obviously still feeling inadequate next to the US, refuse to be outdone in the zombie apocalypse department. It looks like one of their gay porn stars (I didn’t know that they were known for that) Luka Rocco Magnotta has not only been dismembering folks and eating them, but taping it then posting it online. And as if that were not enough, after his feast, he was sending the body parts to various schools and political offices throughout Canada. Don’t they screen the mail over there? I can’t even send a letter more than three pages long to my great aunt in Florida without it going through that big glass box at the post office (She doesn’t do e-mail).

And fear not, just because he is as stiff as a board and has no visible personality, that doesn’t mean Mitt Romney is a zombie. Remember he does not want to eat your brain, just whatever is left of your 401k.

Did you hear that al-Qaida might actually be lead by a US citizen? I’m serious. After we bitch slapped the latest al-Qaida No. 2, Abu Yahya al-Libi in a Predator attack on Monday (in Pakistan, by the way) it looks like they are starting to run out of home grown assholes so they need some Americans. Azzam al Amriki, or “Azzam the American,” looks like the next in line to get his ass blown off by one of our drones, considering that it’s always the #2 guy in al-Qaida that gets it more than the first guy. Now this certainly presents a Constitutional issue as far as due process goes. But the reasoning that the US can most effectively use is that Amriki chose to be an enemy combatant against the United States. He is acting on foreign soil and conspiring with declared enemies of the United States, I can’t imagine that he would demand his US Constitutional rights in front of his terrorist buddies should he be caught instead of killed.

Still while many Americans might feel that an American citizen being killed by the government without the benefits of due process is not the American way, when it comes to a global terrorist organization, the right thing is not so clear, but if it comes down to killing an enemy combatant or risking the lives of innocent Americans, I don’t give a shit where the enemy was born…bring on the drones!

SPORTS

Some predictions

Ahhh…I think Johnny Vander Meer’s record is safe after Mets starter Johan Santana, fresh off a no-hitter had his proverbial ass handed to him by the greatest sports franchise in history, giving up 4 home runs in 2 innings. Oh, Vander Meer is the only man to ever throw back to back no-hitters, by the way. I thought you knew that.

Manny Pacquiao will beat Timothy Bradley, but in the process will not get any younger. The door to a Mayweather fight and the richest payday in the history of boxing, is closing rapidly.

THIS WEEK’S REASON WHY TERRORISTS WANNA KILL US

Am I the only one creeped out by Michael Jackson’s kids? Now that they are getting older and no longer being hidden by masks and dyed hair, I actually long for the days I didn’t have that kid Blanket staring dead at me like one of those maniacs in “Children of the Corn.”

And hey LaToya, how screwed up do you have to be to be known as the crazy one in the Jackson family? Would you believe this maniac was on TV actually defending her late brother for putting masks on these kids?