Sobredosis De TV 5/25/12

In a week of sobering news, I decided I would keep it light...

In glancing through the news on MSN, I came across a headline that read “Advice: What Do You Do If a Relative Cheats?” I’m not an advice columnist but I’m gonna try to come up with an answer. Ummm…let me think…Ok, how about you just mind your fucking business? Wow, I didn’t even need a whole column for that one. Maybe I should start an advice section in this blog. I promise all names will be changed to protect the innocent.

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West? Once again, like the animals of the wild American frontier, proctologists from all over the world were alerted to the scent as these two gargantuan sized assholes came together. Look, I know this is old news at this point, but I really don’t care enough about these two morons to make it breaking news, I have a bigger emotional investment in my toothpaste. I’m actually more interested in how funny my description is than anything else.

And yes, like the battered housewife that I am, I decided to go to Amanda’s house for our yearly event, watching the series finale of American Idol. Mind you, this is the first year that I just couldn’t sit through the season, and I have no idea who the finalists are, whether or not they can sing, or what their stories are, but I just thought it would be fun to watch. Well it was not.

John Fogherty’s face is obviously no longer speaking to the rest of him and looks like Joan Rivers’ plastic surgeon was having a bad day. And the fact that he has managed to continue to wear the same shirt he has been wearing since Woodstock in 1969 is mind boggling. In contrast, Neil Diamond actually looks like he has embraced his age very well and looks pretty good.

Then there were…the cat suits. Fantasia and Chaka Khan were obviously angry at their own thighs and decided to choke them by wearing these very umm “less-than-flattering” cat suits that left little to the imagination. You would have been better off with the imagination.

And then there was that former contestant proposing to his girlfriend who is also an ex-contestant and I’m wondering if that’s going to be a recurring theme for the finals. Maybe Adam Lambert can propose to Clay Aiken next year?

For the most part, it was unwatchable for me. I was not interested in the finalists, and I think Jennifer Lopez constantly making the show about her is as nauseating as she is hateful and boring. Randy Jackson has little to no personality and Steven Tyler doesn’t even know where he is half the time, which is the most entertaining part of the show.

As far as performances, what does it say to JLo that she is supposedly trying to remain  “current” with her performance, but Aerosmith played a song over 30 years old and got twice the reaction from what is supposedly a younger crowd?

This show needs a drastic makeover, regardless of how many people they say watch it. They lost me when they stopped making fun of the bad auditions at the beginning of the season, that was always the best part. Oh and (SPOILER ALERT!) the guy won, I have no idea what his name is but he beat the girl. Oh, I have just been informed that his name is Phillip Phillips…ok is this a joke? Seriously what abusive parents would do that to a kid?