I'm Prefixing Every Adjective With the Word "Shaq" 6/2/11

NEWS & CURRENT EVENTS

I can’t get my head around the idea that New York Congressman Anthony Weiner decided to send a dirty pic to a chick he was following on Twitter. I also can’t get terms like “Weiner-Gate” out of my head, as well as a myriad of other references to a bulging underwear pic and the word “Weiner” because I’m just a cruel human being. Despite his name, he is the front runner in the race for mayor of New York City in the next election should he choose to run. This little (or not so little, depending on your perspective) incident might set him back, but should he run, think of all the jokes I will have by then!

A new report released today by the Global Commission on Drug Policy argues that the decades-old worldwide "war on drugs has failed, with devastating consequences for individuals and societies around the world." The 19-member commission includes former U.N. Secretary-General Kofi Annan, Richard Branson and George P. Schultz, who held cabinet posts under U.S. Presidents Ronald Reagan and Richard Nixon. The commison also calls for nations to explore legalization efforts of marijuana to undermine criminal organizations. Nice to see a former UN Secretary General say that today. It’s too bad he was never in a powerful enough position to say how he really felt when he was, umm I don’t know, the Secretary General of the United Nations? Seriously why is it that so many world leaders are so reluctant to state the obvious on this issue until they are no longer world leaders?

SPORTS

Ohio State Head Football Coach Jim Tressel did what all good leaders should do, he fell on his sword to avoid further embarrassment. However, he certainly does not deserve all of the blame. Quarterback Terrelle Pryor definitely should shoulder some of the blame considering that it was his stupid actions along with a few others that are responsible for Tressel losing his job. And one more thing, driving away from a team meeting after Tressel’s “resignation” in a Nissan 350Z certainly isn’t the image you want representing your school or your team on ESPN. Some of his teammates are beginning to respond to this too, and things are not looking good in Columbus right now.

I called for Shaquille O’Neal to retire two years ago, and given the fact that his last two seasons have been ineffective and riddled with injuries, I think he really should be at peace with his decision, I know I am. As for his place in NBA history, he has to be on, and I’m beginning to hate this reference, the "Mount Rushmore" of NBA centers. There is Bill Russell, Wilt Chamberlain, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, and Shaq. This was certainly his time to retire, but, and at the risk of over using this phrase, the league will definitely miss him. Not only was he a great player, and certainly the most dominant force of his era, but he was also congenial, funny and accessible, something Kobe Bryant could have learned from.

I guess I’m so affected by this because he was an athlete whose career I remember from beginning to end. I remember ESPN talking about this kid from LSU who was going to change how the game was played. How me and all of my lunch table friends all agreed that the league just wasn’t ready for this guy. How we all thought that he was robbed of a position on the original “Dream Team” Olympic basketball squad in 1992. Then I remember watching the NBA Draft and him going first to Orlando, I didn’t even know Orlando had an NBA team. He broke two backboards his first year, and I was at one of those games against the New Jersey Nets.

If you have ever seen him in person, he was just huge. Not just tall, but a big man that no one seemed to be able to defend. Needless to say he was Rookie of the Year in 1992-1993. I remember when he went to the LA Lakers and how great those teams were. Even with all the drama of his departure, he still kept his sense of humor. Always an entertainer, I hope even though he is going away, he never goes too far.

THIS WEEK’S REASON WHY TERRORISTS WANNA KILL US

Like the animals of the wild frontier, Proctologists for a 20 mile radius were alerted to the scent of these two gargantuan-sized assholes coming together in New York City this week. Hey Sarah, if Donald Trump is the only friend you have in New York then you are in serious trouble.