Someone's Present and Future Earnings Just Got "Terminated." 5/19/11

Hey, sorry about last week, but I was a bit melancholy after having discovered that my mom was once very close friends with Arnold Shwarzenegger. Although the DNA tests came back negative, I still can’t explain why I could bench press 300 pounds when I was 4 years old.

And why is this woman smiling? Because news is that Maria Shriver has hired a lawyer, not just any lawyer, but Laura Wasser. For those of you who don’t know her, let me give you an image…Imagine yourself on a playground waiting for a basketball court, and the guy who has next with you just happens to be Kobe Bryant…Or let me put it to you this way, Arnold just got half his assets and present and future earnings “Tehr-men-ayted.”

And speaking of Ah-nold movies, does “Conan the Barbarian” really need to be re-made?

NEWS & CURRENT EVENTS

Newt Gingrich sure started his presidential campaign off with a strong, inspired whimper didn’t he? First he had to backpedal with the dexterity of Lance Armstrong when confronted about his position on healthcare, then there are his 3 marriages, his adultery, his wife’s really creepy stare, and just in case his week wasn’t complete, he got glitter thrown at him by a gay guy during a book signing. Nice campaign.

And did I hear President Barack Obama correctly when he suggested Israel go back to the borders of 1967 in a speech today? Yeah ok…that has about as much chance of ever happening as Michele Bachman learning to read a newspaper or check facts.

SPORTS

Just what the fuck does Kevin Durant have in that backback? Why would he even need a backpack? It's not like he spent any significant amount of time in college or anything.

I always knew that Kareem Abdul Jabbar was a bit of an angry dude, but complaining over not getting a statue at Staples Center? Really? Not that he doesn’t deserve it, he most certainly does. Not only is he the NBA’s all-time leading scorer, but he has 3 NCAA Championships with UCLA, 5 NBA Championships with the Lakers, and 6 NBA MVP’s. But don’t toot your own horn Kareem, that behavior is beneath you. And remember getting statues is part achievement, and part popularity contest. Oscar De La Hoya has one, so let’s keep this in perspective.  

Jorge Posada is neither a villain nor a hero, he is just an aging ballplayer who is upset at being dropped in the line up. This is nothing new, it’s just magnified because it’s New York, and because team captain Derek Jeter kinda backed him up. Probably not because Posada was right, but because one day, and that day looks to be sooner than later, it will be Jeter being dropped in the line up.

But what I found even more compelling is last night’s game in Baltimore. And Joe Girardi doing something that he did in his first season with the Yankees; over-managing. Bartolo Colon shouldn’t even be in the majors this season, but it was an impressive season of winter baseball that caught coach Tony Pena’s eye and got him a spring try-out with the Yankees. Colon has responded by having one of his best season starts ever. Last night he pitched an eight inning shut out on only 87 pitches, and was inexplicably taken out in the 9^th inning by Girardi. Now, anyone can yell at a television, bellowing that this was a mistake, it doesn’t mean you know baseball, and Mariano Rivera in the 9^th is certainly not a risk so pipe down, Ty Cobb.

My problem with this is that Colon has done everything the Yankees have asked of him, and when Phil Hughes’ arm gave out, he took over his slot and has performed brilliantly. He deserves the respect that any other pitcher throwing a shut out would get; he deserved to be given at least a chance to finish his game. Now once again, no one could have predicted that Mariano would have blown the save and the game would have gone another 6 innings, but that’s what happened. My point is that is should have been Colon’s game to win or lose, and after all his hard work he ended up with a no-decision. Girardi needs to get a hold of this now, no one wants another “Bronx Zoo.” Well, unless they win of course, then it becomes kinda fun to watch.

THIS WEEK’S REASON WHY TERRORISTS WANNA KILL US

Well if Judgment Day really is this Saturday, May 21^st, then what am I gonna do with the Yankee tickets I have for August?