Really? 5/6/11

Before I even get started, let me just say that no heterosexual man, under any circumstances, should have his bellybutton pierced.

NEWS & CURRENT EVENTS

Why is it that Republican nit-wits are so terrified of the big black president that they cannot give him credit for doing what retarded George W Bush could not? Seriously they take every opportunity to say that Osama Bin Laden was caught thanks to the intelligence gathered during the Bush administration. Really? Then why didn’t they go get him? And why did Bush say in an interview, and I quote, "I don't know where bin Laden is. I have no idea and really don't care. It's not that important. It's not our priority," and, "I am truly not that concerned about him."  3/13/02. Seriously, even remotely giving GW Bush credit for killing Osama Bin Laden is like giving Forrest Gump credit for ending the Vietnam War.

And while Bush was busy not caring, President Barack Obama was keeping his promise to go and get Bin Laden where ever he was. As for what exactly Pakistan did or did not know, I can’t really say, but either way they look bad and with allies like this we may no longer need enemies. Now, this warhawk-ish cry to stop aid to the only Muslim country who will even talk to us in the region is a bit premature, and this needs to be handled delicately. They look bad enough so let’s not make it worse, at least not now. As for releasing his death pictures, I have to respect that it is the President's call, but you know what? I’m from New York City, I served in the military and I’m a taxpayer. These operations in the Middle East since 2001 have cost $1.19 trillion, not to mention thousands of American lives, and although I hate to admit it, I’d like to see a bullet smashed head for my troubles. 

Sorry Republicans, but Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh and Sarah Palin didn’t do this, Obama the Kenyan Muslim did, deal with it. And he is coming for your guns and Bibles next! And then, he will take away your Krispy Kremes and deep fried pork fat!

And finally, a shout out (no pun intended) to JSOC and the sailors of SEAL Team 6. Now that you got Bin Laden, you think you can take care of the assholes responsible for the daily increase in gas prices? And while you are at it, see if you can take out that wild beast living on Donald Trump’s head disguised as a combover.

SPORTS

Those “voluntary” workouts being held by NFL players on their own is a nice gesture until a middle tier player without a Tom Brady-sized bank account and no medical coverage gets hurt. I’d skip this and just let the whole lockout drama play out in court. 

And has anyone else been noticing the NBA Playoffs? This has been one of the most exciting playoffs that I can remember, and there is a very good chance that we might see an NBA Finals this year that does not include the Spurs, Celtics or even the Lakers. Younger teams are coming on strong like Chicago and League MVP Derrick Rose, Memphis who I correctly predicted would do damage if they kept that young core together, and Oklahoma City who have one of the best players in Kevin Durant. Of course Miami is finally starting to roll, but I would love to see one of these young teams make a dent in this old boys club that is the NBA Finals, and I stress the word “old.”  And one more thing NBA, can you please fine any player that when talking about the game uses the phrase “We just have to play (insert team name here) basketball.” It’s annoying and limited sounding.

THIS WEEK’S REASON WHY TERRORISTS WANNA KILL US

Uhh…I think this one might be obvious