The JB Random Report 4/15/10

NEWS & CURRENT EVENTS

Supreme Court Justice John Stevens has decided to retire, paving the way for Barack Obama to do what all presidents want to do but never actually say they want to do…leave a legacy on the Supreme Court. Appointed by Gerald Ford in 1976, he uncharacteristically leaned a bit to the left on many issues, particularly social ones. He was the first Justice to be appointed after the controversial Roe v. Wade decision, and Ford wanted someone who he felt would not rock the boat. Stevens has long held that it was not he that changed, but the court, and his leaning to the left was not a lean at all. He will be 90 years old when the Supreme Court ends its session this summer, and 90 is old no matter how many Viagra pills and botox you load up on. The press have already begun speculating as to why Stevens has decided to retire now, uhh…how about he’s 90? Seriously when you’re 90 that can be the answer to a lot of questions in the negative. “Hey wanna go skiing?” “Uhh NO…I’m 90.” “How about helping put the groceries inside?” “Uhh NO…I’m 90.” “Can you still pee without help?” “Uhh NO…I’m 90”

And just because I’m cracking on Justice Stevens’ age and his beginnings as a right leaning judge who gained wisdom later, that doesn’t mean that I’m losing my liberal cred. Remember rookies you are looking at a man who met Rick Brookhiser (That’s right, editor of the National Review, Rick Brookhiser) at the New York Public Library and told him to read this blog. Yeah, that’s like asking Rush Limbaugh to join the NAACP.

AMERICAN IDOL & ENTERTAINMENT

I’m glad that 17 year old girl was booted off Idol. Not because she was bad, she was actually pretty good, it’s just that I was having impure thoughts.

Larry King getting his 7th divorce? What do you think is creepier, The fact that he is several centuries younger than his wife, the fact that the rumors are that he was banging her sister, or Larry in that leather jacket in a drop top Cadillac with Snoop Dogg? I think I’m going with the leather jacket.

SPORTS

When players want to go to a team as opposed to just ending up there, then you are a team that is definitely on the right track. The J-E-T-S JetsJetsJets!, seem to be that team. A team that has yet to even play in a Super Bowl since Nixon was president would never bag a Super Bowl MVP for a 5th round draft pick unless the team was interesting, and the MVP was a head case. Here, we have both. Santonio Holmes carries more baggage than the flunkie in charge of Beyonce’s wigs, but he is still a great player and coming off his best season as a pro. He will be out the first 4 games due to a suspension, but he will still be a solid contributor to an already very good Jets team.
And a player the Jets almost got, Brandon Marshall, also has a new address. I think Miami is a good fit for him too, if he heeds the mentoring of Bill Parcells.

And I might end up regretting this, but you want an upset alert in the NBA playoffs? Chicago vs. Cleveland.

THIS WEEK’S REASON WHY TERRORISTS WANNA KILL US

Want proof that Feminazis are totally out of touch? Some Womens website listed the 7 Most Inappropriate Places to Hit on Women and included a funeral, the subway, court, the office and the gym. How stupid, I’ve hooked up at all of those. The repeated quote was "we don't wanna be hit on here..." Typical of the few who can't get laid sadly attempting to speak for those who can. Now, STD Clinic I can certainly understand, and I have yet to hook up at a Hospital.