The JB Random Report 3/4/10

NEWS & CURRENT EVENTS

The world really is becoming a dangerous place. Reeling from the disaster in Haiti, now Chile has been hit with a devastating earthquake this week, although the death toll hasn’t been as high. Now, there should be nothing funny about an earthquake, well actually, yes there is. Like when a CNN reporter is talking in front of a camera then some guy keeps saying “my friend, my friend, USA? Here very hungry.” So the correspondent grants him an interview only to be told “No speak English,” then subsequently given the finger by the guy…write me all the hate mail you want, but that’s pretty funny.

ASSHOLE OF THE WEEK

I don’t care if he won 224 games, he still gets the award…Kentucky Republican and Hall of Famer Jim Bunning spent the end of last month and the beginning of this week holding up a measure providing a one-month extension of unemployment and health insurance benefits for 400,000 Americans, a bill that leaders of both parties had hoped to pass unanimously. Bunning, who is retiring at the end of the year, says the $10 billion extension, which also includes highway transportation funds, must be paid for with spending cuts elsewhere in the budget. Well yeah, that’s kinda the idea of politics, you weigh what is most important and act accordingly. And telling 400,000 out of work voters that the tap is dry is not the best way to win them over, which is why this guy decided to boldly take this route now when he is retiring. He has since backed off, but what a jerk. Maybe he was beaned in the head too many times.

AMERICAN IDOL & ENTERTAINMENT

I’m positive that, when referring to Crystal, Simon used the word “misunderestimated.” I had no idea he was a fan of the George W Bush Massacre of the English language vocabulary club.

SPORTS

March Madness is right around the corner. After a bit of a rough month I must say I’m looking forward to sitting at Hooters with my friends knocking back a few and watching the games on my birthday weekend. So my picks for number 1 seeds are Kentucky, Syracuse, Kansas and (I HATE to admit it) Duke. I don’t know if North Carolina will even make the tournament this year, but not to worry Tarheels, backcourt help is on the way, I hear the recruiting class is awesome.

James Toney was one of those fighters that you would, pardon the cliché, “really pay to see.” He was tough, he hit hard, would fight anyone any place any time, and he was the one rare commodity that both talked trash and backed it up. I remember watching him anesthetize “Prince” Charles Williams with a right hand. I saw him hit a man so hard his neck twisted back as he fell. Not all the memories were stellar, I saw him get stopped by a flawless and in his prime Roy Jones Jr. I cringed in horror when he tried to act, playing Joe Frasier in the equally horrid Ali movie. And I remember laughing hysterically when Jim Lampley, commentating about a fighter calling Toney up personally to sign a fight, was met with “Well…sometimes you can call the wrong guy up.” by his partner, George Foreman. That’s why finding out that Toney has signed on to fight in UFC is almost like writing a requiem. Look, I have nothing against UFC, a lot of guys I’ve trained with ended up there. But it will never be taken seriously as a sport until it is seen as something other than the place where old athletes go to die; whether it’s Hershel Walker, Toney or any other 40 something ex-whatever.

THIS WEEK’S REASON WHY TERRORISTS WANNA KILL US

I’m more of a Letterman fan than I’ve ever been a fan of Jay Leno. Leno’s jokes are just not funny, but every once in a while he gets one right (especially when he rips off Howard Stern). I saw that hateful cast of “The Jersey Shore” on his show doing a Jeopardy-style trivia game and I almost peed myself as to how stupid they actually are. And what’s worse is that they don’t seem to mind that they were being made fun of. I continue to ask myself, when did stupid become cool?
I remember when my Italian friends wouldn’t watch The Sopranos because they felt it was demeaning to Italian Americans. There were even some actual protests if I remember correctly. Where are those protesters now I wonder? Maybe they are turning in their graves at the sight of this level of complete and utter ignorance. Italians should be looking to kill these people like Sgt. Waters killed CJ in “A Soldier’s Story”