The JB Random Report 3/24/10

NEWS & CURRENT EVENTS

You have to give them an “A” for effort. Republicans tried everything; stalling, debating mute points, protests of fake outrage, prompting their ignorant masses to yell “Keep you’re your hands off my Medicare” without informing them that Medicare was already Government healthcare, and when all that failed, the time honored Republican strategy of scaring the shit out of you with negative ads. Alas, none of it worked. Sorry assholes but we don’t respond to “swiftboating” anymore. Loud and stupid has lost its final battle, now go back to your trailer home, and when you get sick from all the cigarettes and Twinkies, The Health Care Reform Act of 2010 will make sure you survive so that you may continue watching game shows and war movies from your nacho-cheese and beer stained plaid couch.
I could drone on and on about the details of the vote, but you can Youtube it, so why waste my readers’ time by rehashing something they can watch on CNN? And while you are at it, you can watch this too: Would it be a historic event if Joe Biden had not taken yet another opportunity to stick his foot in his mouth? Forgetting (sigh!) yet again that he was on an open mike, he decides to congratulate Barack Obama by saying “Mr. President, this is a big fucking deal.” Thanks Joe, couldn’t be a ruined moment without you! Instead, I will give you two reasons why, in the words of Bill Maher, Democrats are the new Republicans, and Republicans are just fucking maniacs that should not be allowed anywhere near any position of power, ever again.
One of their talking points was that 60% of the American people were against health care reform. I wonder how many of those people were against the bill because it didn’t do enough and they want a public option? Did they bother to add that very important factor? No.
When the Act was passed on Monday night, Rep. Randy Neugebauer of Texas (asshole) decided to shout “baby-killer” on the Congressional floor, no less, (nice example we are setting for the rest of the world) because he felt that Government healthcare would lead to federally funded abortions. That’s like me not buying a lighter because it might burn down my house. I think if these Republican shitheads were so concerned with the right to life they wouldn’t think it was OK for an estimated 45,000 Americans to die each year due to lack of healthcare. Nothing else, not even terrorism, kills that many people a year in this country, and yet we seem to have no problem funding the scaring the shit out of people.
The bitterness of this debate actually has nothing to do with healthcare, and everything to do with the fact that a black president wasn’t satisfied with just making history with his election, he wanted to make history with his actions. Actions dedicated to preserving lives, not ending them with a meaningless, unnecessary war in a country that never attacked us. Did the Republicans mention that we could pay for healthcare for every US citizen and their children if we just pulled out of Iraq today?
Republican Minority Leader John Boehner, (another asshole) said of those who voted for the bill, “We the people will remember in November.” Know what, so will I, and I have a considerably longer memory. Those who voted against this bill will be like the Republicans that voted against The New Deal, Women’s Suffrage and Civil Rights; on the wrong side of history yet again. Welcome to Strom Thurmond-ville…assholes!

SPORTS

And in its own version of reform, the NFL has changed the playoff rules from sudden death to whoever scores a touchdown first. When announced that whoever scored first would win the game, Ben Roethlisberger immediately dropped his pants and started chasing a Hooters waitress…

THIS WEEK’S REASON WHY THE MODERN WORLD IS LAUGHING AT US

And of course, no commentary on the healthcare issue would be complete without a hearty fucking reason to hate lawyers! It would be like cereal without the milk. A number of State Attorneys General, (14 at last count) all Republicans, have now decided to challenge the bill on Constitutional grounds. A document, like the Ten Commandments, they seem to enjoy giving lip service to loving and protecting, but have obviously never actually read. One asshole in particular is Virginia Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli. Now anyone with even a mild understanding of Constitutional law can shoot his arguments down, but I’m not gonna turn my blog into a legal brief, so I will just say this…to say Government run healthcare is somehow unconstitutional would also make Medicare and most other government run programs unconstitutional, so good luck with that. To argue it overreaches the Commerce Clause by regulating non-commercial activities, forgets that Aetna alone made $7.6 billion in profits last year and is traded on the open market, hardly non commercial activity.
I think there is a concept Americans really need to come to terms with, without prejudice, fear or bitterness; and that is that we have a competent president, sans an evil agenda who just wants to make life better for Americans, Republicans included. All those Tea Party assholes will be the first ones to benefit from the new healthcare plan when they realize that falling off the pick up truck shooting an apple fritter off grandma’s head while drunk on pappy’s moonshine will actually be covered under the new healthcare plan, and will be of minimal cost to you when you get to the hospital. And don’t worry, the scary negro president is not coming to take away your guns and tobacco flavored fried peanut butter banana sandwiches, if he wanted to he would have done it by now, (remember this is a competent president) so lighten up!