The JB Random Report 3/11/10

So this is my birthday weekend and I am pretty much set with my plans, but I wouldn’t mind a quiet celebration, like the one famous mob snitch Sammy “The Bull” Gravano is probably having. And I won’t be wearing any Mormon magic underwear with Mitt Romney, who also shares my birthday. I have nothing in common with those guys, but Steve Finley and I both played a great outfield in our day!

Sorry I was late this morning, but Rep. Eric Massa kept drunk-texting me all night and into this morning asking if he could come over and tickle me. This guy is not helping that Navy/gay stereotype at all.

Just in case you needed another reason to hope that Congress gets off its collective ass and passes the health care reform bill…Rush Limbaugh has issued the following challenge; If the U.S. Congress passes health care reform, Limbaugh will leave the country to receive his medical treatment. Maybe Oxycontin is sold over the counter where he is going. Specifically, Limbaugh told a caller that he envisions traveling to Costa Rica should the government, through a federal program costing upwards of $1 trillion, expand health care coverage to approximately 30 million Americans who are currently uninsured. Interesing choice, considering that Costa Rica offers universal heath care to all of its residents.

SOME RANDOM THOUGHTS

So it’s Women’s History Month, and yet none of these Oprah addicted hausfraus are even bothering to celebrate it. I think that women should take the time to recognize their achievements, but at the same time remember that for every Hillary Clinton, there are still waaay too many Kardashian chicks. And that “Jersey Shore” bunch does not help your case at all. I suggest instead of using this month to man-hate or quoting great women on your Twitter or Facebook page so that other lame yentas can agree with you, how about actually doing something great? You can make a point that Kathryn Bigelow did something great, becoming the first woman director to win an Oscar for “The Hurt Locker.” I agree it’s a significant achievement, but I know three women who work for ACS, or similar agencies dedicated to preventing child abuse. These women are in court almost everyday listening to unfit parents explaining why it was necessary to beat their kids with a fucking broom handle. The fact that my friends are not leaping over a table and killing these so called parents is deserving enough in itself of the “greatness” moniker. So Christina, Yessenia and Ana Raquel, this one is for you…

I’m a realist, not a degrader of anyone. I just call it like I see it, and when I see this I can’t help but react, especially when it’s true…

BONEHEAD IS AS BONEHEAD DOES…

A girl who works 5 years to get a bachelor’s degree, but then refuses a pay increase at her job because she doesn’t wanna lose her Section 8 benefits! Pay your rent asshole!!

A chick who is all over Facebook torturing everyone she knows by force feeding her new relationship on them, needlessly droning on about how “in love” she is and how real it is and how she has never felt this way before. Makes me wanna post “Didn’t you say the same thing to me last month while we were video taping you blowing me in my car?” on her wall so she can shut the fuck up already.

Bullshit rationalizations disguised as “I felt this way all along” made by someone who should know better.

If you are wearing fake contacts, have implants and all types of surgery, how the fuck can you tell me that you are a “real” woman with a straight face? Oh, I guess it’s the botox keeping your face so straight.

A shithead who goes out with an ex she is no longer in love with, and gives him false hopes of getting back together just because she is too weak and insecure to be alone on Valentine’s Day in front of the other yentas.

And this asshole is just begging to be made famous…In Florida, Megan Mariah Barnes crashed her 1995 Ford Thunderbird into another car as she attempted to shave her bikini area…while driving, how brilliant. According to the police report, she was on her way to Key West to meet her boyfriend, and that she "wanted to be ready for the visit." So, police say she had her ex-husband, Charles Judy, who was riding in the passenger seat, take the wheel while she attended to her pubic hair. Because public safety is not nearly as important as this miserable hag’s crotch. Now of course, this woman should be killed by other women for setting their movement back 100 years, but any man grabbing the wheel in this situation should be getting shot with the same gun at the same time, as he equally makes all men look like morons.