The JB Random Report 1/7/10

Sure a lot is happening in the world, but since I don’t plan to travel by air anytime soon, let’s talk about some other stuff…

ENTERTAINMENT

Hey…American Idol is next week. I don’t know how enjoyable this season is going to be without my favorite prescription drug enthusiast Paula Abdul, but the secret drinking game is still on for now…

Why are people shocked that Mariah Carey has given two bizarre, rambling speeches at two awards shows? Did anyone forget that she is delusional and insane? She is a big chick too, she could be playing linebacker for the NY Giants, Lord knows they could really use the help. Come to think if it, she would be a great replacement for Paula. Actually I was thinking of creating a short list of celebrity train wrecks that would be good…
Amy Winehouse, Courtney Love and Diana Ross seem to be a good start. Any thoughts?

Sometimes it’s just great to be a man. Especially when you can pee on a frozen car lock and use it as a de-icer. Let’s see any one of those tired hags on “The View” do that!

SPORTS

So many interesting things happening in the world of sports, it’s hard to keep up…

Take a good look at Randy Johnson, because you just might be seeing the last 300 game winner in baseball. The way bullpens are used and the fact that so many starters never see the 7th inning, it’s going to be very hard for another pitcher to reach that Hall of Fame milestone. Not that Johnson needed 300 wins for the Hall, I mean he does have 5 Cy Young Awards and is the second all time in strike outs to Nolan Ryan.
And speaking of the Hall, why was Roberto Alomar, one of the greatest 2nd basemen ever, overlooked?...The Asshole factor. The lone member of the class of 2010, Andre Dawson, was way overdue. Willie Mays, Barry Bonds, and the Hawk are the only 3 players to have 300 stolen bases and 400 homeruns. That’s pretty good company. Still anyone with a computer can get on a website and copy and paste stats, that doesn’t mean they know baseball, so instead I will just say that the Hawk’s numbers can be considered borderline until you consider the fact that he played in a horrid baseball stadium in Montreal for the first ten years of his career. His knees got so bad that he begged the then Expos to trade him anywhere so long as the team played on grass and not turf. So his numbers could have clearly been better. Now I know you can’t blame that on the Expos, but numbers aside I think he deserves to be in. I mean, when was the last time a guy on a last place team won the MVP? Maybe it was because the year he won, the Hawk played with the Cubs, on grass.

Gilbert Arenas is a flake. Nothing says “moron” quite like bringing a gun into your locker room and pointing it at a team mate. Didn’t this bonehead learn anything from Plaxico Burress? And what’s worse is that he is actually stupid enough to joke about the case as though it wasn’t serious. I wonder how hard he will be laughing in prison. As for the NBA, David Stern did exactly what he should have done…suspend him without pay. I hope the suspension is long enough for him to realize how stupid he was.

And then there are the J-E-T-S JetJetsJets! Critics will say that they kinda backed into the playoffs, given that Indianapolis didn’t even play their starters two weeks ago. You can’t blame that on the Jets. Rex Ryan said it best “We are not gonna apologize for doing our job.” As for the decision to rest their starters, you can tell that Payton Manning was seething on the sidelines during the last quarter of that game. Look, the argument by so called “experts” is that you shouldn’t play your starters in a meaningless game so they won’t get fatigued or injured for the playoffs. But football is a game of momentum, and there is no way you gain that after a loss. The whole team was dejected at the fact that they had history in their hands and let it go for no reason at all; hardly a way to keep a team winning, or keep a team positive for the playoffs.
The Cincinnati game was a bit different. The Bengals did start their best players, and just got beat by a great defensive team. I don’t think the Jets will be playing the same Bengals team, but I think it’s going to be a great game.

Looks like the Pacquiao - Mayweather fight, according to Bob Arum, is “definitely off.” Which means the fight will be sometime at the end of this year.

So who ya got tonight? I’m going with Alabama and that awesome running game.

THIS WEEK’S REASON WHY TERRORISTS WANNA KILL US

I could give two shits about celebrity gossip, but sometimes shit just bothers me…Is it true that WBO, IBF, and IBO Heavyweight champion Wladimir Klitschko is banging some actress named Hayden Panettiere? Because some uninformed assholes at TMZ called it “Beauty and the Beast.” OK so who is the beast? The unaccomplished bimbo who go lucky cuz she is hot, or the 13 year ring veteran who, I might remind you, holds a PhD? Does she hold a PhD? That’s Doctor Beast to you assholes at TMZ!