The JB Random Report 1/21/10

NEWS & CURRENT EVENTS

There are many reasons to hate the French…and here’s one more! French “Cooperation” Minister Alain Joyandet said the United Nations must investigate and clarify the dominant U.S. role in earthquake-ravaged Haiti, claiming that international aid efforts were about helping Haiti, not "occupying" it. Right, like you snail eating cowards occupied Haiti for over 100 years, starting in 1697 to independence in 1804, after the world's first successful slave uprising since Kirk Douglas in Spartacus. Seriously, how weak must you people be when even your slaves can kick your ass? And how did the French respond? Like they always do, they surrendered.
The U.S. military controls the Port-au-Prince airport where only one runway is functioning and has been effectively running aid operations. However, the United Nations is taking the lead in the critical task of coordinating aid. I wonder how critical these assholes were when we allowed French and Canadian nationals to board a US military plane already taking 250 Americans home? Didn’t seem to mind any occupation then did you?
Speaking of great Americans, my new hero is Anderson Cooper of CNN. Did you see what he did? Ok, so he was reporting on how looting had started in Haiti, and there was this 10 year old kid with his head cracked open. It was sick. The kid had so much blood on his face you didn’t even know where the wound was. Anderson grabs the kid from the angry mob, and takes him in his arms to safety. What balls! Didn’t see a French guy do that.

Barack Obama is either supremely confident, or needlessly reckless. After Republican Scott Brown won the Senate seat previously held by the late Senator Ted Kennedy in Massachusetts, Obama rejected the suggestion that Senate Democrats should try to pass a final health care bill before the newly elected Republican senator from Massachusetts takes his seat. He told ABC in an interview, “The Senate certainly shouldn't try to jam anything through until Scott Brown is seated. People in Massachusetts spoke. He's got to be part of that process." Dude we need to win this one by a couple of touchdowns, I hope you are right.

SPORTS

J-E-T-S JetsJetsJets!!! There is nothing that can describe how good it felt to watch the Jets beat San Diego, and I’m a Cowboys fan. As Ruben the bodega owner can verify, I said that if the Jets could hold the Chargers to under 21 points they were gonna win the game and I was right! I’ve gone on about how interesting the Jets were since the pre-season, when I first saw Mark Sanchez. In Rex Ryan and the young players they have, the Jets finally have something they have lacked since Joe Willie Namath...a personality.

AMERICAN IDOL & ENTERTAINMENT

How obvious is it that Simon Cowell is leaving that show after this season? Even during the auditions he is sitting on the opposite corner, already getting us used to his departure and Randy taking over his familiar corner spot.

THIS WEEK’S REASON WHY TERRORISTS WANNA KILL US

Ok let’s get something straight, there is no such fucking thing as “sexual addiction.” That’s just a fake medical diagnosis obviously invented by a doctor who cheated on his wife and desperately wanted to stay out of divorce court. There is no way that anyone can be addicted to something people are automatically programmed to just do. And if any moron has the nerve to say that it’s just like drug addiction or alcoholism, think of this. Everyone is born for the purposes of procreation, how you decide to have that sex is up to you, but we are all born sexual beings. No one is born for the purposes of drinking alcohol. If that were the case, wine would have been invented right after people were, so please cut the shit. Tiger Woods, you got horny just like the rest of us, you don’t need a clinic to diagnose that.