Thursday, December 3, 2009

The JB Random Report 12/3/09

Barack Obama did something that Republicans just hate. He outlined a clear, concise plan of action in Afghanistan, and more importantly, explained to the American people why it was necessary. Karl Rove, criminal asshole who should have been put to death for treason, had the nerve to say that Obama was not forceful or emotional enough. If this is your biggest criticism of the plan - the delivery, then you are obviously reaching. It’s like hating a gourmet meal because your waiter gave you the wrong fork.
I think Fox News was just upset because the President was using them big ole’ fancy book learnin’ words that they just can’t seem to grasp, like “asunder” “rancor” and “other stuff.”
Look, no plan to go into, or to continue, a long war is gonna be popular, let’s get that straight. However, I would much rather hear a clear plan than no plan at all, which is what we have had for the past 8 years.


Did you catch that Rock n Roll Hall of Fame 25th Anniversary Concert on HBO? It really was like watching the anti-MTV Video Music Awards…everyone on the show was actually accomplished and talented. But they are getting old. Except for David Crosby of course, who has been old since 1980. I thought smoking so much pot was supposed to slow the aging process.
I love Sting, but that beard makes him look like a hybrid of Tom Hanks in “Cast Away” and Howard Hughes in his final days.

You know Dion is getting old when he announces “Runaround Sue” then starts singing “The Wanderer.”

My favorite moments? Well I never thought I would live to see Metallica on stage with Lou Reed doing “Sweet Jane” that was actually pretty awesome. And for those of you playing a drinking game, it was at 1 hour and 58 minutes until someone finally said the word “fuck” on stage…thanks Ozzy!

And the organizers were very smart to give the only two bands that have successfully bridged the 80’s and today the most stage time…Metallica and U2. Now as much as I love U2, they could have done two more songs had Bono spoken less. Bruce Springsteen, U2 and Mick Jagger were an incredible collaboration, until the “Beyonce of White Chicks,” (Thanx Litz) Fergie decided to join them. And WHY of all the amazing songs they could have done, do Mick and Bono decide to do “Stuck in a Moment You Can’t Get Out Of?” I am hating that song more and more and they just won’t let it die. Wasn’t BB King at the show? The three of them could have done an amazing version of “When Love Comes to Town.”

They ended the show with who I’m guessing is Rock n’ Roll’s new sacred cow (given that so many of them are dropping dead, they want a “youngster” in his 60’s) Bruce Springsteen, who has removed any and all doubt that he is in love with the sound of his own voice, proven by the fact that instead of playing a hit that the audience would be familiar with, decides to play his longest song “Jungleland.” A great song, but save it for one of your own shows, dude.
Nice to see John Fogerty still wearing the same flannel shirt from CCR’s 1973 tour. I am a bit surprised that Springsteen decided to do “Oh Pretty Woman” by Roy Orbison, I would have thought it gave him uncomfortable flashbacks from the “Black & White Night” show where he had his ass handed to him trying to duel the great James Burton on the Telecaster. Don’t remember it you say? Check out the video bar section>>>

I thought a duet with Billy Joel was a great idea until it became obvious that he was reading the lyrics to “Born to Run” on a teleprompter.

Most disturbing image of the night? Aretha Franklin was quietly asked to leave and never return after she ate Little Anthony and one of the Imperials.


Derek Jeter can win the Sports Illustrated “Sportsman of the Year” (The first Yankee to do so, by the way) but not an American League MVP? Great.

Speaking of great Yankees, RIP to the great Tommy Henrich, the four time World Series Champion passed away at 96 years old. Henrich, along with Charley Keller and Joe DiMaggio, formed what many Yankee fans believe to be the greatest overall outfield in Yankee history. Of course Earl Combs, Bob Meusel and Babe Ruth may dispute that, but just the fact that you can have this argument about one team should be further testament that the Yankees are the greatest franchise in the history of sports.

It was “Black Tuesday” for NCAA Division I coaches. I didn’t have to be Nostradamus to predict that Charlie Weis was history at Notre Dame, but Bobby Bowden is another story. Not that it wasn’t clearly eminent, but it’s still hard to cope with. Florida State will not be the same without him, and after 34 years and two National Championships, he should not have been forced out like that, there was no history or respect for that football program until Bowden took that job. I loved rooting for this team, they are my favorite college football team, but I have no idea who the fuck Jimbo Fisher is, so I will take my time.

As for the latest on the Iverson watch, it looked like for a minute he would kill my bit by retiring quietly…but who are we kidding? After announcing his retirement, he supposedly met with his former coaches, who I guess talked him out of it. Then with executives from the team where he had his greatest years, the Philadelphia 76ers and he suddenly came out of retirement to sign for the veteran’s minimum to play in Philly again. Wow, that was a short retirement.

And finally…can someone explain to me why Tiger Woods felt the need to admit “indiscretions” in his marriage just because he had a traffic accident? Dude you went to Stanford, you are supposed to be smarter than that.


Steven Segal: Lawman. What the fuck is this?


  1. - You make a great point about Fox News ragging on the president's passion in the speech. Actually, O'Reilly went so far as to absurdly show a clip, not of Gen. Patton, but of George C. Scott playing Patton (!) in an effort to make a derisive comparison. Damn, what a clown.
    But they did hit the nail on the head: this surge is a lose-lose situation politically, for the President. In other words, his supporters don't like it. And the people who do, will never give him proper credit.

    - RRHoF concert:
    + Man, Lars was never a killer drummer, but he has gotten lame in his old age. (Also, it always blows me away when a big rock star with a paid guitar tech could be playing a noticeably out of tune gtr, as was Kirk Hammett);
    + Fergie? WTF?!
    + I thought “Stuck in a Moment You Can’t Get Out Of” was an appropriate choice since it sounds like a latter-day Stones tune. Btw, always felt "When Love Comes to Town" is a cringe-worthy, hokey-ass tune, written in 20 seconds or something. I particularly don't, but I understand why many people love to rag on Joshua Tree era U2. That song is big reason for it.

    - Absolutely agree, re: Tiger Woods. Not only that, but why admit any of this to the public. To his wife? That's his deal. But why the fuck release a statement? I'm completely baffled.

    - That Seagal reality show looks like it'll be a sweet-smelling pot of awesome. (I like the scene where the perp asks for his autograph. Classic!)

  2. re: Springsteen- Burton

    Obviously Bruce is no match for the man Mike Nesmith of The Monkees used to call "Magic Fingers", but I think he holds his own.

  3. Sorry, I HATE "Stuck in a Moment You Can't Get Out Of." To me it just sounds like a song they keep playing over and over again in a lame attempt to make it a classic...kinda like "Aqualung," another fucking song we never need to hear again.
    You are right, it does sound like some lameness that would have been a B-side from "Bridges To Babylon" I Love the BB King song, what can I say. 2 chords and very over simplified, but I like it, and I think it would have been done some justice by the three of them. A great current song they could have done, matching both their newly aquired sensibilities? I can list many, but I'll leave you with these -

    "New York" / All That You Can't Leave Behind

    "I'll Go Crazy If I Don't Go Crazy Tonight" / No Line On The Horizon

    and the winner is... "Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own" / How To Dismantle an Atomic Bomb

    Sorry but dueling Telecasters with James Burton was a bad idea, the only thing he held that was his own was his own ass after Burton handed it to him.
    Not to dissect it too much but Springsteen was staccato and disorganized in his solo, not to mention repeating phrases over and over that sucked in the first place. And holding notes for too long is just cheating the audience in my opinion. He is a great song writer but leave the soloing alone and never touch the dueling again unless it's with pistols, he might have a better chance there.

    I wanna see Steven Segal chase a suspect without that big fat ass of his dragging so bad it damages the concrete.

  4. If I never have to see Bruce Springsteen on television again, I won't mind one bit. That's all I have to say for his bubblehead ass.