The JB Random Report 6/3/09

So Monday I really was exhausted, but Amanda sent me a text “what are you doing tonight?” To which I replied “If we’re going to a fashion show, I’m busy, but if it’s a baseball game, my schedule just cleared up.” Well it was a Dave Matthews Band concert at the Beacon Theatre. Now I’m not a huge fan of this band, but I am aware they have an enormous following, I just wish that a bigger fan would have gotten this opportunity to see them in such a venue. For me it was really no big deal, but I felt I should go if only to help my karma…I mean how would I react knowing that someone, somewhere in the world had said “It was really no big deal for me to see (The Rolling Stones, U2, Cream, Radiohead, The Replacements, Soda Stereo, Kings of Leon or Rush) at the Beacon Theatre, so I decided to stay home.”
What I didn’t know was just how big a touring band they are. They are kinda like this generation’s Grateful Dead or Phish. People were bragging about having seen them 63 times or more…Damn, I wouldn’t wanna see a band I like 63 times. It reminded us of that scene in Forrest Gump when he is running across the country and one day he just stops. The yahoos that are following him are expecting him to say something prophetic and he just goes, “I wanna stop running now.” I kept thinking how hysterical it would be for Dave Matthews to stop in the middle of his set and just say, “Look, whatever your problems are, you can’t solve them by following us around, so why don’t you guys all go home and shave, then get some jobs.” Alas it was not to be, but it really was a good show.

NEWS & CURRENT EVENTS

How desperate must Republicans be if they have to reach so far as to attack President Barack Obama for going out one night to see a play by saying it was bad for the economy to spent taxpayer money to do so. The guy hasn’t slept since January, how about getting off his ass for a minute? I didn’t see them complaining when George W Bush (or as I have come to call him, President Fuck Up) spent over half of his presidency before 9/11 at that ranch of his in Texas.

And CNN do us all a favor, when asking Sonia Sotomayor how she felt about “prominent Republicans” calling her a racist, make sure that prominent Republicans are the ones doing it. Because so far, the only person that has called her that has been Rush Limbaugh, and the only thing he is prominent in is being a fat, drug addicted gasbag. Don’t waste valuable news time addressing his OxyContin/Viagra cocktail induced rants. Let me do it…I’m considerably better at insults than Wolf Blitzer.

Desmond Hachett 29, is giving the state of Tennessee a really hard time. Not because he is a lame Elvis impersonator, but they can’t garnish his wages enough to significantly support his 20 children by 11 different women. On two separate occasions, he has fathered 4 children in the same year. 20 kids with 11 women by 29? What a lightweight. My grandfather laughs at this fool…he had 34 by that age.

ROME - Premier Silvio Berlusconi of Italy can’t get a break either. Looks like he is fighting to keep some pictures of him at a party with a bunch of topless 18 year olds from being published. State television reported that among the photos were some taken with an 18-year-old Neapolitan woman at the heart of a growing political and personal scandal.
The 72-year-old Premier’s wife, Veronica Lario, just announced that she was seeking a divorce because of her husband's infatuation with young women. Berlusconi described himself as the victim of a campaign of "insults" he alleges is being run by the center-left opposition to discredit him ahead of European Parliament elections next weekend. Yeah…we should all be so victimized

SPORTS

These are not my LA Lakers, but I will be rooting for them in the NBA Finals. And those idiots that write for NBA Fanhouse really do need to be replaced by, well…me. One of them was going on about how Orlando’s Jameer Nelson, who has been injured all year, shouldn’t be allowed to play in the finals because it might hurt the chemistry of the team. Hey morons, your bus is leaving. Nelson is an All-Star, and he had his two best games this season against the Lakers. Yeah, exactly the guy you want not to play. It’s not like the Magic have been rolling over their opponents in the playoffs, so please shut up already.

Don’t look now, but the Yankees are in 1st place in the AL East.

THIS WEEK’S REASON WHY TERRORISTS WANNA KILL US

A hot day in New York City makes for some interesting observations…

When I was younger I wanted to be Snoop Dogg, Magic Johnson or Don Mattingly when I grew up, now I wanna be the Dos Equis guy. And if he were here he would say, “No one, under any circumstances, should ever wear black socks and black shoes with shorts….stay thirsty my friends.”

If they are walking down the street together, and his plaid shorts match her plaid boots, both of them need to die.

You know, wearing earplugs at the library is almost as assholeish (new word) as a long coffee order at Starbucks. Seriously, in the quietest place in the world what would possess your self important ass to put on earplugs? It’s like you are saying “look at me, my work is so important I can’t even be distracted by the noise that’s not being made at the quietest place in Manhattan.” Almost made me wish the fire alarm went off and she didn’t hear it. What a complete shithead.