Thursday, June 11, 2009

The JB Random Report 6/11/09

" One of these things just doesnt belong it's time to play our game!"
Remember Sesame Street? (hint: Look to the far right)


Israeli newscasters interpreted a photo taken Monday in the Oval Office of President Obama talking on the phone with Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu as an "insult" to Israel, because in the Arab world showing the soles of your shoes is offensive. Please lighten up already. Sorry Israel but the president of the United States is no longer a retarded Jesus freak, he is an intelligent, objective world leader who wants peace and knows it comes from dealing fairly with the Muslim world. It doesn’t mean he was insulting you…get over yourselves. Well at least he didn’t throw them at anyone.

How many times do I have to remind you people not to fuck around in Texas? Kathryn Winkfein was getting a traffic ticket when she decided that she needed some time away from home and in jail. So the 72-year-old grandmother got out of her car and started to get loud with the officer. Well they got their own way-a-thinkin’ in Texas, and the 72-year-old was tasered and sent to jail…yeee haaa! I love Texas. Nothing is a better representative of your states’ “don’t fuck with me” status than tasering a senior citizen.


What the fuck was Bret Michaels doing at the Tony Awards anyway?

In a shocking development…Adam Lambert, the gay guy from American Idol finally admitted he was gay this week, as I correctly predicted he would do (JB Random Report 5/7/09). Now I shouldn’t toot my own horn too loudly, predicting that is like predicting that the sun will rise in the East or that Rush Limbaugh will say something stupid. If I were really clairvoyant, I would predict something less obvious, like the date of the Apocalypse (which will happen after the Red Sox win another World Series)

I am less afraid of a truck full of armed Serbians in an urban warfare setting than of convicted murderer Phil Spector’s mug shot sans wig.


So Manny Ramirez wants to “move on” from what is the biggest story in baseball this year, and he feels that we should just let him do that, I mean, since he has been so apologetic and all…"I didn't kill nobody, I didn't rape nobody, so that's it, I'm just going to come and play the game." Well the English language isn’t a person, but you certainly slaughtered that.
You know, A-Rod didn't kill or rape anyone either. That didn't mean he was excused from answering difficult questions about performance enhancing drugs. I guess Ramirez is such an asshole we should reward him for not killing or raping anyone. What world does this moron live in? And what do the Dodgers plan to do with his replacement, Juan Pierre who just happens to be hitting .352? Put him on the bench?


Just in case you need another reason to hate white people, or in this case, white people who live in Manhattan, check out a documentary on Showtime on Demand called “Nursery University.” For a minute I really thought I was watching one of those famous Christopher Guest “mockumentaries” I love so much, but these hateful fuckers were real. It’s about the ridiculous lengths upscale parents go to get their kids into the “right” nursery school. Nursery school? It’s not Yale you fucking social climbing sheep. One asshole misrepresented the value of his company’s stock and got in trouble with the SEC for it, one hateful bitch actually said “I don’t understand why we didn’t get in, we are the right kind of people.” There’s a woman who could benefit from a few near death experiences.
I don’t absolve the schools either, one director while reviewing applications said “oh…these are people of color” as she did them the favor of putting them on the “maybe” pile of applications. Look, I’m sure Paris Hilton went to all the best pre-schools too, and if you have ever been online searching for porn, you all know how that fairy tale ended. Want a decent, well adjusted kid? Try parenting. I promise that parenting works, even single parenting. Trust me I know. I was raised by a single mother, and I would take one of her over 20 married couples who are stupid enough to spend $20k a year to impress other people using their toddler as a status symbol.

1 comment:

  1. Ramirez's reaction to the brouhaha surrounding his situation does not surprise me one bit. Hey, it's "Manny being Manny"; the same nonsense that I criticized for oh so long, and for which I was always laughingly rebuffed by his followers. Well, that bullshit finally caught up with all of them and promptly took a chunk out of their collective asses.