Wednesday, May 27, 2009

The JB Random Report 5/27/09


I have no idea who Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor is, and I’d like to find out before I endorse her just because we happen to share a similar heritage and grew up in the same city. In contrast, Republicans should also get to know her before they attack her, but that might be asking too much from a group of whining children who are upset because they can no longer depend on the stupid to get them elected. What has now become a joke of a political party wasted no time in dragging out an old video where she made a statement about federal appellate courts making legal policy. Never actually endorsing the process mind you, just stating that it may exist.
And in a shocking development, Rush Limbaugh did not endorse the nominee! This drugged out asshole was quick to call her a “reverse racist.” Do you think he hates her because he really did believe all Puerto Ricans sold drugs and he can’t get any OxyContin from her? I hope this fatheaded gasbag really does speak for all Republicans so they can never be elected again.
The GOP has to handle this confirmation hearing very carefully. They are already losing ground with the fastest growing immigrant population in the country, and giving this nominee a hard time will only deepen an already widening rift.
Barack doesn’t have an easy road either. With the economy still struggling, change and bi-partisanship coming considerably slower than promised, the last thing he needs is a long drawn out hearing. If he pushes too hard to get her in before Congress’ Summer break, there will be a very large cracking sound when he hits the floor if she is rejected. And while you are at it, try to shut up those self-interested political groups like The National Council of La Raza before they embarrass us all with their rushed, non-informed endorsement. If any naked pictures of this woman surface, they are gonna look considerably dumber than they already do, and thus by result making us all look bad.
I would like to read more of her work to have a better idea not necessarily of just her views, but how she expresses them in a legally learned manner, and then determine whether or not she is actually the best qualified person to sit on that bench. There is something I would love to be proud of. I do like the fact that she wrote the judicial opinion in 1995 that sided with the MLB Player’s Union, effectively ending the work stoppage in baseball that began in 1994. A stoppage which cancelled the World Series of the same year. A series that as Judge Sotomayor and I both know, the Yankees would have won.


I hate it when the title of an online article is misleading. While clicking through AOL I saw a caption that read “Rebecca Romijn Shows Off Twins.” Imagine my disappointment when I rushed to click on the article only to find her fully clothed holding two babies.

I prefer Pacifico when it comes to Mexican beer, but that Dos Equis guy is too cool. Usually beer commercials consist of horny morons trying to hook up with some chick at a bar, making all men look stupid and perpetuating idiot stereotypes…kinda like what “Sex & the City” does for women. But when your spokesperson is an older, distinguished gentleman who’s “beard alone has experienced more than a lesser man’s entire body,” I’ll have what he’s having.


It’s been a tough month for Dirk Nowitzki hasn’t it? First his team gets bounced by the Denver Nuggets, and now it turns out that his sports groupie, ex-stripper, live-in girlfriend had a felony warrant and was arrested in his house. So let’s have a look at Cristal Taylor…Not only does she name herself after a champagne, she also bankrupted her first husband, running up a reported $330,000 in debt. Skipped out on a $10,000 dentist bill? Weird. She is now claiming that she is knocked up by Nowitzki, and she has had numerous forgery and theft-related criminal accusations since the early 1990’s. OK why am I getting so turned on by this woman? This is the woman he decided to allow into his home? He couldn’t just bang her in the men’s room of a club like so many other men have? I can see why the phrase “No wit” is in his name.


Ladies, forget the self-absorbed, weak-minded, pathetic tabloid sluts you usually aspire to be like…Put the ice cream down and get off the pole because have I got a role model for you…Peggy Williams. She was about to take off on a paraglider when a gust of wind lifted her up and flipped her over. She was dragged across the rough ground, with her stomach getting pummeled by rocks. Tyra Banks would have died right there, but thanks to her well-toned abs, her injuries while serious, never endangered her life. The torn liver and pancreas, scratches and numerous bruises she suffered could've been much worse.
"The doctors said someone with my injuries would be sent straight into surgery," said the 47-year-old. "But they told me 'you're fit. Your muscles helped you and saved you from anything worse.'" Ladies take heed…


I’m going to start outing the people who refuse to leave comments in the comments section, but email me privately with a good one. You have been warned. I was criticized for not including more 60’s Stones albums on my Top 5 list of favorites, and incidentally, so was Mena on his list. My response is that I did acknowledge that the late 60’s were part of the Stones’ greatest creative period. “Let it Bleed” and “Beggar’s Banquet” were the albums that stand out for me. But remember one thing, before “Aftermath,” Stones albums were mostly cover songs. They were well done and it was great music to listen to, but it was not necessarily their own. It took them 6 albums to write one of all original material. I also loved “Between The Buttons,” but I stand by my list. Remember it’s a list of favorites, not greatest.


  1. Love how you ably linked Judge Sotomayor to the Yankees. Brilliant.

    Btw, I believe I read somewhere that she has more judicial expertise than any of the current members of SCOTUS did when they were nominated for the bench. What's at the core of this issue is, obstructionists that they are, the Republicans just plain refuse to approve ANY nominee of Obama's for the high court. But as you said, if Judge Sotomayor turns out to be eminently qualified and the public perceives the GOP's approach as simple ideological stonewalling, well...

  2. You can link anything to the Yankees. That's pretty incredible