The 4 Stages of Grief For Rich White Folks 11/8/12

There were a lot of happy people on Tuesday night at around 11:16 pm when CNN officially projected that Barack Obama would be re-elected for a second term. I don’t know if I was as “happy” as I was relieved that at least for the next four years, our country will not be run by a party that seems to be devoid of intelligence, reason and humanity.

There is one very important thing that I hope everyone takes away from this last election, and that is that this country has a fringe but vocal group of politicians that seem to want to re-argue things that were settled years ago. Issues like a woman’s right to choose, civil rights for all citizens regardless of who they love, equal pay for equal work. This is reminiscent of the same assholes that still wanted to fight the Civil War even after it was already decided. I have no idea what amount of fear, racism, sexism, and overall ignorance motivates these people, but they are beginning to scare me, in the year 2012.

As far as election coverage goes, NBC was the first to call the election for Barack Obama, a risky move but ultimately the right call. CNN provided the most solid and steady coverage as they patiently and objectively made their projections (not wanting a repeat of the gun-jumping of 2000 obviously). And then there is FOX News, who showed us all how to go through the four stages of grief on national television. But the most entertaining coverage was without a doubt and by far, ABC and an obviously tipsy Diane Sawyer. Sure you can say she was tired, but I would rather believe that George Stephanopoulos spiked her Starbuck’s in celebration.

Then there are of course, the election night traditions: Robot Mitt Romney effectively ended his political career by giving a short concession speech, Barack Obama came out to wild cheers and once again attempted to be as conciliatory as any reasonable man can to the wing nut yahoos that are currently holding the Republican Party hostage. And what election would be complete without controversy in Florida? First, in Miami-Dade county, a long line turned into a 1960’s protest when Republican Mayor Carlos Gimenez ordered operations to shut down with 180 people in line and two hours to go because he thought the line was too long. Ummm, isn’t that the idea? It was only after residents who refused to leave broke out their cameraphones and started chanting "Let us vote!" while banging on the department's locked front door that voting was allowed to continue.

And even now, two days after the election and Florida has still not been decided. It’s kinda like the homely smart chick that gets no attention from anyone until midterm exam time, then all of a sudden she is the most popular chick since Rachel McAdams in “Mean Girls.” I guess since they cancelled “Miami Vice” Florida is still starving for national attention.

In a considerably more progressive move, two states in the nation decided that they no longer wanted to live in the 1920’s Prohibition Era (because we all know how great that worked out). Colorado and Washington State passed laws that legalized the only so called “drug” that in the history of humanity has yet to kill anyone – Marijuana. In a related story, the age of consent is Washington State is 16. Two words: ROAD TRIP!

THIS WEEK’S REASON WHY TERRORISTS WANNA KILL US

Well just the fact that we re-elected the man that killed Osama bin Laden should be enough…