My So-Called Conservative Hero 6/28/12

NEWS & CURRENT EVENTS

I never thought I would hear myself say two things: 1- Chief Justice John Roberts…YOU’RE MY HERO! 2 – I really wish I was a 1^st year law student again.

The decision by the Untied States Supreme Court to uphold President Barack Obama’s 2010 Affordable Health Care Bill is something that will be discussed at length in every law school in the country, and how I wish I was there. The issues are not particularly complex, just politically divisive, and how they came to the conclusion is pretty remarkable. 

Instead of striking the law down under the Commerce Clause, they actually upheld it under the Constitutional power to tax. The downside for supporters of the bill is that now it will be seen as a tax, and if Obama had framed it that way in 2010 no way this gets passed. But like every Republican spin, this is a misleading way to look at the issue. No one is going to get the IRS after them if they do not have healthcare, as opponents would want you to believe. The uninsured will just have to check a box on their tax form stating that they do not have insurance, and that will reflect in their overall tax bill in order to offset the overall cost, which is how all government programs are paid for by the way. Using Republican logic, there should be a box on your tax form to check off whether or not you have a gun and if you do not, you have to pay more in taxes to pay your fair share of the defense budget, but we know that is not the reality right?

Regardless, I really do not believe that today’s decision will end the debate on this issue. What the decision does do, and I certainly do not believe that this was the intention of Bush appointed Chief Justice John Roberts, is that it saves the most significant piece of legislation of Barack Obama’s presidency. To survive a Constitutional challenge is a great thing, and had the court struck it down, it would have severely hurt Obama’s chances of re-election.  I was also glad to see the president's remarks following the decision shifting the attention away from his "victory" and place it where it belongs, on the people who now won't go without healthcare.

Remember how I said that White House leak “scandal” wouldn’t go away any time soon? Well guess what…it did. And it has now been replaced with Eric Holder being held in contempt of Congress. I guess Executive Privilege only applies to white presidents. Look, I know that I am being a bit over-simplified in my analysis, but ask yourself this question: Why only subpoena Eric Holder and members of the Obama administration? This whole “Fast & Furious” program (guns being put into the black market to root out the drug dealers buying them, in case you didn’t know) was put in place by George W Bush’s administration. If there was any wrongdoing, wouldn’t it be imperative for any fact finding body to at the very least, question those who actually initiated the program not just those who ended it? Because if “Fast & Furious” was so evil, shouldn’t congress be commending the Obama administration instead of pressing his cabinet to be accountable for a program that they not only didn’t start, but did end? Where is Karl Rove’s subpoena?  I wouldn’t mind seeing that draft dodging, war criminal Dick Cheney have to testify under oath either.

SPORTS

The Yankees are on a tear that rivals any winning streak they have ever had in the last 16 years, but now with injuries to both Andy Pettitte and CC Sabathia, that’s three-fifths of your starting rotation on the disabled list, not what you want to go into the All-Star break having to deal with. Having said that, how well has Rafael Soriano stepped into the closer role? With only a four game lead in the division, it’s nice to know that they have a reliable closer. Is he Mariano? Hell friggin’ no! But he is having a refreshingly good year and with this offense kicking the way it is, it could be just enough to get them there.

THIS WEEK’S REASON WHY TERRORISTS WANNA KILL US

We had to go all the way to the United States Supreme Court just in order to allow some people to get healthcare. Since we are obviously the only “developed” country going backwards in humanity, education, and policy, why would they wanna kill us if we are slowly becoming just as backwards as they are?

The Bad, The Worse, and The Ugly 6/14/12

NEWS & CURRENT EVENTS

In Iran last week, websites and social networks had been reporting for days claiming that Pepsi Co. was planning on using high powered lasers to create the ultimate out-of-this-world advertisement: their logo on the side of the moon. Needless to say, the moon remained the same.  

"My colleagues and I gazed at the moon for several minutes and saw nothing." Said an Iranian journalist. Really? What a shock. He admitted that his girlfriend had expressed skepticism, asking him why no international news stations had picked up the story to which he had simply replied that the agencies wouldn't want to advertise for Pepsi. This is that brilliant reasoning they use in Iran, and how ironic that the opressed gender is the only one intelligent enough to be skeptical.

This is not the first time Iranians have fallen victim to such a hoax. In 1979, following the Iranian revolution, people waited for Ayatollah Khomeini to appear on the moon only to be equally disappointed. I can’t believe these are the same people who claim to have reverse-engineered one of our drones and actually expected the world to believe it.

This White House leaks story isn’t going away any time soon is it? I love how Republicans have come to the brilliant conclusion that the Obama administration somehow leaked classified information on purpose to make Obama look better. Really? How does a breach in national security actually make him look better? And given the fact that he is one of the most effective foreign policy presidents in US history in only one term, why would this be the issue he feels he would need help in?

ENTERTAINMENT

So after flashing her breast to an audience in Turkey last week, Madonna decided that she would moon the audience in Rome in this week…

OK, I’m sure no one cares at this point, but shouldn’t her family be at least a bit concerned? I certainly cannot be the only one oddly repulsed by this irrelevant senior citizen desperately attempting to cling to her long lost youth by flashing at her age, right?

Seriously if my grandmother were exhibiting similar behavior we would be having a family meeting to determine which senior citizens home to put her in.

SPORTS

I have been involved in boxing as a fan, fighter and trainer for pretty much most of my life. Regardless of the violence, it really is like playing Chess with your fists and footwork, and it is a great sport to be a part of. The unskilled fashion of the times are just that, and boxing is something that I hope will live through it. However, the sport becomes considerably harder to defend when you have decisions like the one that gave Timothy Bradley a victory over Manny Pacquiao on Saturday.

One of the things I like about UFC is that even though it can be viewed as a dictatorship by Dana White, he is at least a fair dictator who has not let absolute power corrupt him absolutely. Not even David Stern of the NBA can say that, given the recent questions about the league owning the New Orleans Hornets and them miraculously winning the Draft lottery, and last year when they blocked a trade that would have sent their then star player, Chris Paul, to the Los Angeles Lakers. But that’s a story for another time.

White has created a model where he acknowledges which fights he believes the fans want to see, and he makes them happen. Can bad decisions happen in UFC? Of course, and you can argue that boxing has been around much longer and therefore can only claim so many mistakes due to longevity, but the Pacquiao decision happened on Saturday, not many years ago, and if the sport is going to survive, it must do whatever it can to prevent things like this from happening.

Bob Arum called the Bradley/Pacquiao decision a “death nail” for the sport of boxing, and he should know considering that he holds the biggest hammer, and could have advocated for better judges, open scoring or some type of accountability or review system in place so that decisions this atrocious are not allowed to stand. And while you are at it, take a page from Dana White and make the best fights happen. Pacquiao should have been fighting Floyd Mayweather instead of Bradley, and that fight should have happened years ago.   

THIS WEEK’S REASON WHY TERRORISTS WANNA KILL US

At first I really though this was a joke, but it is not…

The Burger King Bacon Sundae. That’s right, an ice cream sundae with bits of crispy bacon. (Ok, please continue reading after vomiting into the nearest trash can) Is it a coincidence that Nashville is where they tested this before they decided to slowly expose the rest of us? Just by looking at this, I can practically hear myself getting fatter.

Run and Hide...It's the Zombiepocalypse! 6/8/12

NEWS & CURRENT EVENTS

Look, I’ve been getting a lot of flak lately for every once in a while, posting every two weeks instead of every week. But what you folks don’t realize is that when I am not commenting on how totally insane the world is becoming, I am out fighting Zombies that are now going public with their face eating and body part mass mailings.

Seriously what the fuck is this world coming to now? It’s bad enough that the United States has these home grown maniacs that sniff bath salts and eat people, but now Canada, obviously still feeling inadequate next to the US, refuse to be outdone in the zombie apocalypse department. It looks like one of their gay porn stars (I didn’t know that they were known for that) Luka Rocco Magnotta has not only been dismembering folks and eating them, but taping it then posting it online. And as if that were not enough, after his feast, he was sending the body parts to various schools and political offices throughout Canada. Don’t they screen the mail over there? I can’t even send a letter more than three pages long to my great aunt in Florida without it going through that big glass box at the post office (She doesn’t do e-mail).

And fear not, just because he is as stiff as a board and has no visible personality, that doesn’t mean Mitt Romney is a zombie. Remember he does not want to eat your brain, just whatever is left of your 401k.

Did you hear that al-Qaida might actually be lead by a US citizen? I’m serious. After we bitch slapped the latest al-Qaida No. 2, Abu Yahya al-Libi in a Predator attack on Monday (in Pakistan, by the way) it looks like they are starting to run out of home grown assholes so they need some Americans. Azzam al Amriki, or “Azzam the American,” looks like the next in line to get his ass blown off by one of our drones, considering that it’s always the #2 guy in al-Qaida that gets it more than the first guy. Now this certainly presents a Constitutional issue as far as due process goes. But the reasoning that the US can most effectively use is that Amriki chose to be an enemy combatant against the United States. He is acting on foreign soil and conspiring with declared enemies of the United States, I can’t imagine that he would demand his US Constitutional rights in front of his terrorist buddies should he be caught instead of killed.

Still while many Americans might feel that an American citizen being killed by the government without the benefits of due process is not the American way, when it comes to a global terrorist organization, the right thing is not so clear, but if it comes down to killing an enemy combatant or risking the lives of innocent Americans, I don’t give a shit where the enemy was born…bring on the drones!

SPORTS

Some predictions

Ahhh…I think Johnny Vander Meer’s record is safe after Mets starter Johan Santana, fresh off a no-hitter had his proverbial ass handed to him by the greatest sports franchise in history, giving up 4 home runs in 2 innings. Oh, Vander Meer is the only man to ever throw back to back no-hitters, by the way. I thought you knew that.

Manny Pacquiao will beat Timothy Bradley, but in the process will not get any younger. The door to a Mayweather fight and the richest payday in the history of boxing, is closing rapidly.

THIS WEEK’S REASON WHY TERRORISTS WANNA KILL US

Am I the only one creeped out by Michael Jackson’s kids? Now that they are getting older and no longer being hidden by masks and dyed hair, I actually long for the days I didn’t have that kid Blanket staring dead at me like one of those maniacs in “Children of the Corn.”

And hey LaToya, how screwed up do you have to be to be known as the crazy one in the Jackson family? Would you believe this maniac was on TV actually defending her late brother for putting masks on these kids?