I Hate It When This Happens 9/23/10

NEWS & CURRENT EVENTS

If there is one thing I hate is Bill Maher beating me to the punch, or punchline in this case. Last week I was giddy with girlish glee at that fact that the Teabagger party had pretty much hijacked the Republican primaries and has forced them to run a bunch of right-wing maniacs. One booby-hatcher in particular I’m watching is that Christine O’Donnell from Delaware. I quoted her maniacal stance on evolution and wanted to quote her at least once a week. But like most aspiring bimbos in Hollywood, looks like Maher had her first. As a regular guest on his old show “Politically Incorrect,” she brought the crazy on a regular basis, having appeared on it over 20 times. On his show "Realtime", Maher said he would show an old clip once a week until she does his show, and the first one was a lulu. In the clip, she talked about how she dabbled in…wait for it…witchcraft. Yeah, witchcraft. I guess the ghoul scene wasn’t as dangerous or full of nutcases enough, so naturally she turned to politics.
In New York, and I can’t believe this is true, the maniacal Carl Paladino is only 6 points behind Andrew Cuomo in a general poll for governor. I don’t know about you, but I am slowly losing my sense of humor about these people.

Look, I understand that this is all a reaction to the slow moving Obama Administration, but what did you expect? Obama can’t fix everything that’s broken in only two years. Even having to follow the worst president in US history (Remember this retard?), he has made significant progress. In a recession however, you’re just not going to feel it right away, and in a country of prescription medication addicts like the United States, I’m afraid that just won’t do. We want immediate gratification, which is why we invented the glory hole!
Yeah we voted for change we can believe in, but unlike your daily heroin fix people, this change is gonna take some time to kick in. And as bad as it is, it is still considerably better than electing asylum residents into office. Remember, the Democrats are the party of slow ideas, but the Republicans are the party of no ideas. And the Teabaggers, well, they just don’t want the big black president to swat away their guns and Bibles with his larger than average Kenyan Tribal Muslim penis.

SPORTS

Say what you want about New York football, but it sure as Hell isn’t dull is it? As I correctly predicted, that trade for Braylon Edwards has now come back to bite the J-E-T-S JetsJetJets! in their green and white asses. Feuding with Broadway Joe? DUI? It’s not so much that Edwards decided to get behind the wheel while intoxicated, it’s not just the fact that two teammates (D'Brickashaw Ferguson and Vernon Gholston) essential to the team were in the same car, and had an accident occurred it would have been disasterous for the team, it’s the fact that there is a system in place known as the Player Protect Program, where any player who is too drunk to drive can call and get a ride. There is no excuse for this boneheadedness. The NFL has its guidelines under the collective bargaining agreement and I’m sure they will follow them, but if the Jets have any balls they will sanction this idiot further. So far, all we have heard is Rex Ryan saying he is “tired of all this.” But no suspensions or punishment from the team other than that he will not start against Miami this Sunday…wow, how harsh.
Then there is Brandon Jacobs deciding to throw his helmet into the stands. Huh? What statement was that making? And why wasn’t the fan who caught the helmet allowed to keep it? He didn’t throw it at himself, and had he been hurt by the helmet thrown in his direction would the Giants have been so selfish?

ASSHOLE OF THE WEEK

Three young men from Bishop Eddie Long's (Or Bishop Don Magic Juan, if you go by that suit) New Birth Missionary Baptist Church filed lawsuits this week claiming he exploited his position and used cash, cars and expensive trips to pressure them into sexual relationships. Long's attorney says the pastor "categorically denies" the allegations. Given the fact that he has a fierce anti-gay stance that includes a 2004 ministry to “deliever” men from homosexuality, I would say his lawyer can do nothing but. What makes this asshole an asshole isn’t the fact that he drives a Bentley, lives in a mansion and wears more jewelry than Elizabeth Taylor (that might be what makes him gay, though). It’s the implied notion that he bilks millions of dollars from unsuspecting sheep, uses the money to diddle young boys then has the nerve to say he is the heir apparent to Martin Luther King Jr.. Even God is looking down at this guy going “I can’t believe this shit head is on my team.”
Now let me make one thing clear…at this point, these are just alligations, and according to one of Long’s biggest supporters, disgraced right wing gay pastor Ted Haggard, “Nobody is guilty until the court says he is guilty.” Not quite the back-up he needs right now but, ok. Now that might be true, but when you call yourself the "spiritual daddy" to young black men in search of salvation, and one of your books is titled "Gladiator, the Strength of a Man," not to mention your last name is "Long," you really are giving me waaaay too much material to work with.