The JB Random Report 7/30/09

SPORTS

Should Pete Rose be in the Hall of Fame? Every year around this time this debate comes up, every year it doesn’t matter. Except for this year for some reason. This year Commissioner Bud Selig addressed reinstating Rose after a 20 year ban for gambling on his own team when he was manager of the Cincinnati Reds. This is a guy who gambled on his sport, lied about it, then criticized baseball and the sports world for wanting to distance itself from him. This is self entitlement on a massive scale. We already know what he thinks, but if baseball believes that Peter Rose, after 20 years paid his dues for what he was actually guilty of, and he is allowed in the Hall of Fame, then the Hall must open its doors for a man that even his own teammates who were involved in a conspiracy said was innocent, “Shoeless” Joe Jackson. If you have never heard that name, then the damage is done, so I’m gonna give you a brief history lesson.
In 1919 The Chicago White Sox were owned by a notoriously cheap millionaire named Charles Comiskey. The team was comprised of players from all over the country, and given that the Civil War was fought only a generation before, there was still some regional clique forming amongst the players, but the one thing they had in common was their hatred of the owner. The Sox made it to the World Series that year, and lost surprisingly to the Cincinnati Reds, ultimately causing a Grand Jury investigation into whether or not the series was fixed. Even though Jackson admitted involvement, the actual conspirators disputed it, saying that they used his name to impress the gamblers involved. Jackson later recanted his story until his death in 1951, and many other players backed him up. The fallout was substantial. The game suffered financially and baseball appointed a former Federal Judge, Kenesaw Mountain Landis as its first commissioner, who promptly banned all the players involved in the “Black Sox” scandal for life. No one knows what Jackson did, but remember this was an illiterate, humble man who I do not believe knew the implications of what he was doing, guilty or innocent.
Rose is a totally different story isn’t he? He not only knew what he was doing, but he was the chief conspirator, and he was proven guilty. Pete Rose has 4,256 hits in a 23 year career. I think he is a complete asshole, but the Hall of Fame cannot call itself complete unless he is in it. Shoeless Joe Jackson hit .356, had 1,772 hits and 785 RBIs in only a twelve year career…the Hall of Fame is incomplete without him too.

I can’t imagine what would be next for boxing. On the heels of Arturo Gatti (whose wife was cleared in his death) and Alexis Arguello, the sport has now lost Vernon Forrest, a great fighter and an even greater person, to a carjacker no less. This was the guy that beat Shane Mosely twice. But greater still was his charity work. There are people who give a charity their name, and then there are those who actively work in the cause they say they support, and Vernon Forrest did just that with his work with the mentally handicapped. I don’t know how many more losses this sport can take.

Manhattan DA Robert Morgenthau must be a New York Titans fan. He is so old I don’t think anyone has gotten around to telling him that they are now called the Jets. This fossil has turned the Plaxico Burress case into his last gasp (and I mean that literally, this old gasbag is like 100) at political relevance. No one ever gets jail time on a first offense unless it’s an extreme case. Someone carrying a gun into a New York club is not altogether uncommon…let’s be objective here, ok? Would you treat Joe Namath the same way?

It took a lot for the Boston Red Sox to finally beat the so-called “Curse of the Bambino” and win a World Series in 2004…a lot of PEDs. Looks like that “confidential” report naming players who failed drug tests in 2003 includes not only Manny Ramirez, who I guess is in his second trimester now, but also David “Fat Papi” Ortiz. Remember that crap he was spewing about never disrespecting his family, fans or the game by taking steroids? Well if I may paraphrase Shakespeare “The fat dude doth protest too much methinks.” Now we don’t know what he tested positive for, so I’m not about to accuse him of anything at this point, other than having a mouth and a self righteous attitude to match his stomach.

LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS

I was asked if “cybering” should be considered cheating…any thoughts? Does camming naked count? I can’t really help there cause I’m not a cyberer. But if looking at midget porn online while being in a long term relationship is cheating, then I guess I’m guilty.

Michael Jackson with a love child? That he actually conceived? With a woman? Really?

Someone asked me if I had ever paid for sex. Of course I have, it’s called “being engaged.”

And now…some advice. Men, never initiate a conversation about weight with a woman unless you have an overwhelming need to sleep on a couch that night.

THIS WEEK’S REASON WHY TERRORISTS WANNA KILL US

If you are not from New York, you might not have heard of the Naked Cowboy. This is some maniac who sings country songs in Times Square in his underwear, an act he has yet to be arrested for. Anyway, this clown has decided to run for Mayor, and local news media has taken him seriously. He was quoted as saying, "Being naked is a whole lot more than having no clothes on: It's about transparency in politics, it's about telling the naked truth." See this is why I never felt the need to support a boycott of the New York Post when they did that monkey cartoon…why boycott a paper that I wouldn’t even read to a retarded polar bear?

The JB Random Report 7/22/09

NEWS & CURRENT EVENTS

How odd that on the 40th Anniversary of the Moon landing we lose the person that brought it home to us. I remember Dan Rather being someone I could trust, but I’m sure he got that gift from the great Walter Cronkite. Cronkite or “Uncle Walter” as some called him, was “the most trusted man in America,” and the litmus test for all broadcast journalists. There is no one broadcasting news today that you can just look at and know you are getting the truth. He delivered to us the most important events of the last half of the century. The Cuban missile crisis, The Kennedy assassination, Vietnam, Watergate, Nixon’s resignation, and the Iran hostage crisis; stories that were told through this man’s objective, even-toned perception and voice. Without a doubt an icon of his profession, one that we will never see again. Let me put it in perspective for those who are having trouble with this…He was the Michael Jackson of broadcast news (except without the surgery, skin bleaching, and pedophilia). This is a big loss. What a shitty month it has been.

Barack Obama really needs to remember that he is the president, and anything he says can and will be used against him in the court of public opinion. It turns out that the white police sergeant criticized by Obama for arresting black scholar Henry Louis Gates Jr. outside his home is an expert on racial profiling.Cambridge Sgt. James Crowley has taught a class about racial profiling for five years at the Lowell Police Academy after being hand-picked for the job by former Commissioner Ronny Watson, who is black. Odd person to be calling someone who “acted stupidly” and Obama made the comments after admittingly not knowing all the facts. Now when it comes to his personal opinion, Obama is entitled to it. Unlike the Supreme Court, personal experience does seep into personal opinion. However, all the facts are not known, and for those of you who are ignorant of police procedure, the Supreme Court ruled a long time ago that police can ask anyone for ID whenever they want, and in this instance the cop was responding to a break in call. I wonder if Gates had told him to go away and there actually was someone in his home and he was hurt, would he then blame the police for not adequately protecting him? Now I can also say that it is difficult to be guilty of disorderly conduct in your own house, which is probably why the charges were dropped, but where exactly the conduct took place is unclear. If it happened on the sidewalk then sorry crybabies but it was a legal arrest. I’m glad Crowley is sticking to his guns and not letting himself be bullied into apologizing for it. I hate bullies on any side of an issue.
Look, not that I don’t know where Gates’ anger stems from, but this wasn’t the incident to be used to fly that kite. And when a trivial incident like this takes the headlines away from real racial profiling it only hurts people. Complaints in New York City alone against the police for racial profiling are up a dramatic 50% from last year, and I’m sure those were not all Harvard professors complaining. So, is Rick Sanchez of CNN going to report on all of them?
And for Sanchez to say “I know racial profiling exists, I have been a victim of it,” is both ridiculous and insulting. He looks like what he is, a white guy with a Spanish last name. If this asshole can count to ten in Spanish I’d be impressed. His idea of racial profiling is someone putting a bit more hot sauce on his taco than given to the white guys sitting with him at the country club. He does not speak for my community at all.

SPORTS

Don’t look now but the Yankees are in first place. Had they won half the games they played against Boston earlier this season they would have a comfortable lead in the AL East. Now that they have swept Baltimore and Detroit, a first place team, they have shown that they can play with, and beat the good teams. More importantly, it shows that they can win close games, which is what the playoffs are all about. I can’t get enough of those “walk off” wins myself. Phil Hughes coming out of the bullpen has been reminiscent of Mariano Rivera in 1996. I still think he should be starting though, but maybe next year.

I’ve never met Jennifer Lopez, I’m not a fan of her work, nothing she has done has ever effected me directly…so why do I hate her so much? I guess some people in the world just exude “asshole” without even trying. Whether it’s covering her fat ass with the fur of some poor endangered specie, or having the audacity to say that she is a regular person while demanding whoever she might be married to at the moment to buy her millions in gaudy, tacky jewelry; Jewelry that was probably illegally mined by ruthless child labor in Africa.
I spend little to no time thinking about this waste of space until she shows up at a press conference announcing that her husband Marc Anthony has bought a minority stake in the Miami Dolphins. Wayne Huizenga was a great owner, but since Stephen Ross took over, he has turned a serious, storied sports franchise into the red carpet at the Golden Globe Awards, selling the team off in pieces to Gloria Estefan, Jimmy Buffet and now Anthony. So at the press conference, Lopez gets a Dolphins jersey. A jersey? Why? Did they sign her to play offensive tackle? Maybe she can use her big fat ass to keep Chad Pennington from getting sacked

THIS WEEK’S REASON WHY TERRORISTS WANNA KILL US

Barack Obama just might get the greatest health care reform bill in the history of the United States passed through Congress, if his own party can just get the hell out of his way…so why the fuck am I reading an article about the jeans he was wearing at the All-Star game last week? WTF??? And it just proves how out of touch the people who wrote that article are because men don’t wear tight jeans…unless you are one of the fucking Jonas Brothers.

The JB Random Report 7/15/09

NEWS & CURRENT EVENTS

The confirmation hearings for Judge Sonia Sotomayor have so far yielded little surprises. Republicans are stuck on stupid repeating the same off-hand “wise Latina” comment she made a few years ago because they really have nothing else against the most qualified person to ever be nominated for the Supreme Court. It’s always weird when white people pull the race card. No other sitting Supreme Court Judge has more actual trial experience than she does; sorry but there is no getting around that Republicans, and if you wanna waste your time harping on an already well seasoned point then by all means go ahead, I’ll just watch Cartoon Network for a while and just click back to CNN when you ask something relevant.
One thing I am concerned about, is that at times Sotomayor seems a bit uneasy, almost nervous. I would be too if I had to answer 8 hours of questions by these tired old gasbags, but your achievements speak for themselves already, show a little more poise. I’m not suggesting that you tell Jeff Sessions to go fuck himself, just remember who you are.

A plane crashed in Iran yesterday, killing all 153 passengers and 15 crew members on board. Instead of comforting those who lost loved ones in the crash, what does that asshole Mahmoud Ahmadinejad do? He actually blames the crash on the United States! Saying that sanctions against Iran have kept them from getting repair parts. Never mind that it was a Caspian Airlines plane, consisting of Russian made Tupolev jets. I guess it’s easier to ignore the facts and blame the US than it is to actually fix the problem. I’m so glad no one takes this maniac seriously.
Look at Cuba, we have had sanctions against them for nearly 50 years, and you don’t see them blaming us for anything. I saw a documentary once where a guy in Cuba made brake pads out of cookie dough.

Michael Jackson’s death a homicide? Are you kidding? Just another example of how star-fucked the LAPD is. Unless someone forcibly put the drugs in his system, that’s gonna be hard to prove. Let's hope they come to their senses. And even more pathetic is the lesser known Jacksons like LaToya and Tito selling stories to British tabloids about how they feel that Michael was murdered. Seriously LaToya how screwed up do you have to be to be known as the crazy one in the Jackson family? I really hope Michael Jackson’s death does not spawn a bunch of crazed conspiracy theorists saying that “he is still alive, he just went back to the mothership,” or something like that.

SPORTS

At this point, this whole “everyone is dropping dead” shit is getting weird. This time it’s Arturo Gatti, dead at only 37. For those of you who don’t know who he was, you really missed out on watching one of the most entertaining fighters ever. This was a guy that was always in shape, and never quit if he got hit. Something that “next big things” like Golden Boy’s Victor Ortiz might learn something from. His wars with Ivan Robinson and Mickey Ward were legendary. I was happy to see him retire with all his marbles and some money in his pocket. He fought too hard for too long and had he gone on he really could have hurt himself, I guess that’s a moot point now.
However his death does further illustrate a point I made last week. At this time, police in Brazil are holding his wife Amanda Rodrigues as the prime suspect in his murder.

See…this is why you don’t let crazy into your house!

And did you know that the Yankees played the Angels the Saturday before the All-Star Game? It wasn’t on TV anywhere, what’s that all about?
Speaking of the All-Star Game, I think it’s obvious that Fox is so biased that they couldn’t even show Barack Obama throwing out the first pitch and getting it to the plate. So what if it was a bit low, it still got there.

THIS WEEK’S REASON WHY TERRORISTS WANNA KILL US

If you go see the new Harry Potter movie with your body and face painted or dressed like one of the characters, you need to die.

The JB Random Report 7/8/09

NEWS & CURRENT EVENTS

Sarah Palin just might have won the 2012 Presidential election for the Democrats. While pronouncing that she is “not a quitter” she promptly resigned as Governor of Alaska. Why? I have no idea. I guess she has deluded herself into believing that she is going to be the next President. What she fails to realize is that people are gonna have a hard time voting for someone to fix a nation after they balked at fixing a state. Every time this woman does something, whether it’s meaningless feuding with David Letterman or wearing those stupid fishing pants while giving a news conference all I can ask myself is are the same people that told Paris Hilton she could sing advising this woman?

Barack Obama made a historic trip to Moscow this week, and is participating in the G8 Summit, but let’s talk about something else…
Wow that was one wild memorial for Michael Jackson huh? Damn had that casket been closer they would have gone after that boy like a Mexican Pinata. And what did I say about keeping lawyers busy? There has already been a request by Jackson’s mother to control the estate over her son’s wishes. How this 100 year old woman thinks she is a better administrator than John Branca is beyond me. And his kids’ mom Debbie Rowe has a lawyer too, and being the biological parent she won’t be ignored by any family court judge no matter what Michael’s will says. But to have practically sold those kids isn’t gonna look too good in the eyes of the court. Neither is doing an interview where you say publicly that you never allow them to address you as “mom.” And if she really wanted those kids there was never a better time to claim them than when he was arrested for child molestation, so her path is gonna be a tough one too. I think Marlon said it best when he said “maybe now they will leave you alone.” No chance dude, the lawyers are just getting warmed up.
I guess it’s hard to be objective about such a bizarre figure in pop culture, someone like that can only be polarizing. I look at him a lot simpler than other people do…He was an amazing entertainer. In the history of popular music, there is Frank Sinatra, Elvis Presley and Michael Jackson. You don’t have to be a fan of any of these to recognize their significance, and their place in cultural history. Personally, I loved Michael Jackson’s music…I would never let him baby sit, but I loved his music.
Speaking of babies, did you see the look in that kid Blanket’s eyes during the service? Totally creeped me out. Kinda reminded me of that kid in the original Omen movie.

OK OK here they are…everybody happy now?

My Top 5 Michael Jackson Songs

Remember The Time / Dangerous 1991
Stranger in Moscow / HIStory 1995
Rock With You / Off The Wall 1979
Butterflies / Invincible 2002
Thriller / Thriller 1982

SPORTS

I bet Steve McNair is somewhere wishing he hadn’t been banging a crazy chick on the side. A murder-suicide in a another woman’s apartment has to be the absolute worst way to find out your husband was fooling around. It’s not like finding a few sexually explicit e-mails. I love Desi girls, and this Sahel Kazemi was a total hottie, but crazy knows no beauty, and Hell hath no fury like a dumb hot chick scorned. No one is perfect, and it’s a shame that the amazing things he did on the football field and as a positive influence in the community will be forever tainted with how he died.

See…this is why you don’t let crazy into your house!

THIS WEEK’S REASON WHY TERRORSITS WANNA KILL US

Daytime TV.

The JB Random Report 7/1/09

NEWS & CURRENT EVENTS

So…anything interesting happen this week? Damn a lot of people are dropping dead this week huh? But when a death in the entertainment world seeps onto CNN in realtime, it’s pretty big. I’m not gonna write a eulogy for Michael Jackson, but I will say that all of us grew up with him, and anyone who has ever made a creative music video was influenced by him. His place in our cultural history is unambiguous. Wish I could say the same about all the craziness that is left behind. For those of you who thought Anna Nichole Smith’s death was a bizarre legal train wreck, Michael’s demise is a law firm’s wet dream. Just the issues we are aware of are enough to keep lawyers busy for years. Biological parental rights, child custody, accounting, finances, an asshole father who obviously wants to insinuate himself into some money, not to mention the fact that there are two wills and a whole lotta money and assets. Now one thing that Michael Jackson did do that proved he wasn’t not a total loon was that he appointed John Branca, a very competent West Coast attorney, the executor of his estate. But Diana Ross as back up guardian? That’s pretty weird considering that hag is almost as bad a maniac as he was.
That tribute at the Apollo Theater was pretty cool until Rev. Al Sharpton started dancing. He actually wasn’t that bad, he’s got some moves for and older guy. I guess he needed them to have been able to dance around the IRS all those years and not pay his taxes.

Oh and by the way…is anyone aware that President Obama’s landmark Environmental Bill just passed the House? The House of Representatives has voted 219 to 212 to bind the US to cutting carbon emissions by 17% from 2005 levels in 2020 and 83% in 2050. It will also set up a national cap and trade system. This is historic legislation, just thought you’d like to know…

SPORTS

Here’s someone I would have gladly written a eulogy for had I known him better. I sure did admire him. 3 time champion Alexis Arguello was found dead of an apparent suicide in the town where he was elected mayor, Managua, Nicaragua. I’m in total shock. I found this out just as I’m writing it and I still can’t believe it. He was one of the best non-heavyweights to ever win a title, and he won at a time when fighters were fighters, not cellular phone salesmen. His two losses to Aaron Pryor were still two of his greatest moments. If you can catch those fights on ESPN Classic I assure you they are worth staying up for. He retired with all his marbles and even with a little money in his pocket. He was a beloved figure in Nicaragua so I can’t imagine that his life was so bad he couldn’t find anything to hold on to. Everyone I know that knew him says he was nothing but a gentleman. May he find peace.

Free agency in the NBA is gonna be one wild ride. First of all, why the hell would Jason Kidd wanna talk to the Knicks? They suck badly and he is 36 years old. I though he wanted a ring before he retired not an ulcer.

Add Mariano Rivera’s 500th Career save to the greatest Yankee moments I have witnessed. Well, watching the Yanks sweep the series against the Mets on their own field was nice too.

And speaking of the Triple A minor league club that has become the New York Mets, as I was strolling through the corporate sponsored entity that is Citi Field I noticed something…The Mets have very few retired numbers, and I don’t think it’s just because they suck. If there is one thing I love doing every time I’m at a Mets game with Allan is torture him about not knowing the only four retired numbers of the team he is allegedly a fan of. Let’s not forget they have 4 World Series appearances with 2 Championships, which should account for a bit more numbers to be retired. Needless to say, they are not the Yankees, who have had so many amazing players they retired #8 twice, but they have had players who have made significant contributions to that team over the years, and the four numbers they have retired leave a lot to be desired, with the exception of #41 of course. Where is Keith Hernandez’ #17? 11 Gold Gloves, a .298 lifetime average, two division pennants and one World Championship. Gary Carter is actually in the Hall of Fame, no number retired? Dwight Gooden had one of the best single seasons of any pitcher in baseball history, Rookie of the Year, Cy Young Award and a World Series ring, no number retired? Ed Kranepool spent his whole career with that miserable team from its inception to two pennants and a World Series, no number retired? Not a particularly nice way to treat the players who have given you so much.
So who did they retire? Ok Allan…here are the answers to the never ending quiz. Casey Stengel was a great manager, but not with the fucking Mets. He was their first manager and he lost 404 games. He is lucky he had all those World Championships with the Yankees to cover up for those hideous years. Gil Hodges was a great player for the Dodgers, and he managed the first World Series winner, the “Miracle Mets” in 1969, but he was only there 3 years. Hardly a huge body of work with a team to have a number retired. It would be like the Yankees retiring Bob Lemon’s number. Tom Seaver? Finally one they got right, one of the best pitchers ever. And #42 is retired everywhere in honor of the great Jack Roosevelt Robinson. Wait…one team still has a player wearing it, and this is a future Hall of Famer. Wonder who that could be?

THIS WEEK’S REASON WHY TERRORISTS WANNA KILL US

There is no reason for terrorists to wanna kill us this week because everyone is dropping dead without any outside help. Besides those who died last week; Michael, Farrah Fawcett, Billy Mays, Ed McMahon; David Carradine before that; Alexis Arguello and now Karl Malden? And that’s just today! OK cue the Jim Carroll Band!