The JB Random Report 12/17/08

NEWS & CURRENT EVENTS

Say what you will about President Fuck Up, but the guy can really move can’t he? Who would have thought the mentally challenged could have such good reflexes? He managed to out maneuver not one, but two shoes flung at him by a very angry Iraqi reporter protesting the war and our continued, unwanted presence in that country. With a little training George W. Bush can represent team USA in the 2012 Special Olympics.
In all fairness to Bush though, I think someone who is the leader of a free country that like it or not, did bring greater freedoms to your country is an easy target. I wonder how brave this guy would have been had Saddam Hussein been holding that press conference. He would have had that shoe returned to him stapled to his liver.

Looks like Santa Claus is mad at the automobile industry. In an effort to get everyone to travel by flying reindeer, Congress voted down the billion dollar bail-out for General Motors and Chrysler.

MUSIC & ENTERTAINMENT

Aren’t you glad I did this before they did? What a lame “All-Time Top Twenty Christmas Songs” list that NBC aired last week. Not that Bing Crosby isn’t great, but come on, does anyone really need to hear “Silent Night,” Andy Williams, or Mariah Carey ever again? And who the fuck is Taylor Swift?

A while back I wrote about a rumor that Benicio Del Toro was going to play Ernesto “Che” Guevarra in a movie and that it was going to be done in Spanish. I remember writing that I hoped Hollywood wouldn’t destroy this idea. I saw the movie today and I must say that they didn’t ruin anything…at least not the 4-hour limited engagement version of the film that I saw. If they don’t edit the crap out of this and turn it into a Spanish version of “Tropic Thunder” then it will be the movie of the year, and Del Toro should get another Award. But you know who really bugged me out in this movie? Lou Diamond Phillips (remember that dude?) speaking a very good, very believable Spanish as Bolivian Communist Party leader Mario Monje.

SPORTS

I guess Terrell Owens just couldn’t let me or any other Dallas Cowboys fans enjoy this season in peace could he? Even though the drama helped because they managed to beat the best team in the NFL right now, the New York Giants. That doesn’t mean that anyone is in control of that team. Obviously Owner Jerry Jones, Head Coach Wade Phillips, and Offensive Coordinator Jason Garrett all think that they are in charge. As for the Giants, there are only so many injuries and retirements you can endure before it starts to effect your winning percentage.

THIS WEEK’S REASON WHY TERRORISTS WANNA KILL US

When a ShopRite supermarket in Holland Township, New Jersey got a very odd cake request that it refused to carry out, Heath Campbell was pretty upset about it. Campbell's wife, was equally surprised. "ShopRite can't even make a cake for a 3-year-old," she said. "That's sad." Yes it is, until we found out that your kids names are Adolf Hitler, JoyceLynn Aryan Nation and Honszlynn Hinler. What’s sad is that Campbell, a Holocaust denier, had the nerve to act surprised when the store refused this request. What’s sad is this retard has no clue how badly his kids are gonna suffer once they reach school age. New Jersey…how the fuck do we share a border with these morons?