The JB Random Report End of the Year Awards 2020

“Well kids, it’s that time of year again, I must say this decade flew by in a flash, and just how the fuck are we still alive?” 

If you remember, this was actually the headline of LAST year’s JB Random Report End of the Year Awards. I used it almost tongue in cheek-ly. Now it really is a question that needs to be asked seriously, even if this has always been a somewhat lighthearted look at the events of the past year… 

NEWS STORY OF THE YEAR – Is There Really Just ONE? 

Has anyone been able to say that they have lived through an odder year than this one? This dumpster fire on the last car of a train wreck in the middle of an erupting volcano of a shitshow that is 2020? I can say this, if there is one thing that this insane year has exposed, is that American civilians really do not know how to handle even the most minimum of pressure, and are willing to risk their lives, and more importantly, the lives of the most vulnerable, to maintain even the most minimum of their life’s comforts. 

This has to illustrate to you that Americans are inherently unhappy, and the only thing that keeps them from jumping out of windows is their ability to drink heavily in public and buy shit they don’t need so they can hoard it in space that they do not have. As of today, COVID-19 cases in the United States are at 19,923,169, with 305,015 deaths. Is going to Walmart in your bad pajamas really that important, y’all? 

Of course there was the election. That was big, but look what America had to live through for 4 years before they finally made not only the right decision, but the only decision that would not lead to basically the end of democracy in this country. (See JB Random Report, 11/08/2020). Seriously, we should not have to be dragged out into the street crying before we do the right thing, yet that seems to be the case in more scenarios than one. So what happened to us? 

Oh, and let me just make thinking people feel better with this last bit. So here is the Trump Presidency by the numbers: 

$21 Trillion in debt. The largest in United States history 

0 The amount of “better” health care plans to replace Obamacare 

315 Golf trips at a cost of $ 141 million to the US taxpayer 

22,247 lies and/or misleading claims 

215 Criminal indictments of advisors and associates 

28 pardons mostly to loyalists 

14.7% Highest unemployment rate since the Great Depression 

These are numbers, they are objective. These are facts, no amount of pardons can take away that truth; and the truth is that Trump totally abused and distorted the spirit of the pardon power from correcting injustices, to rewarding those who were loyal to him. How is that the American way? If you want to know why we are no longer being taken seriously as the example of Democracy in the world, look no further than this orange asshole. I really cannot wait until he is in prison. 

And you know what the saddest part of this prologue is? I didn’t even mention the historical racial unrest, the killings of innocent people of color that went largely unpunished this year, setting our society back another 50 years. And it is that type of thinking that not even numbers and facts can change in a single generation.

PERSON(S) OF THE YEAR – President Elect Joe Biden and Vice President Elect Kamala Harris

I really fucking hate it when I agree with Time magazine, not because they are not to be agreed with, but because it seems almost unoriginal and uninspired. But I cannot deny that the people that went through the most to achieve the highest of highs this year were indeed Joe Biden and Kamala Harris. I guess Time magazine has its reasons, but I want to express mine, without outside influence and just observe how after they won, people took to the streets cheering, reporters literally shed tears because they no longer felt afraid for their children for just existing as people of color. 

But the most significant thing was how we were almost instantly, returned to a political normalcy that was not racist or corrupt; not devoid of fact or intelligence. A political normalcy that knew that the Earth was flat and we really did land on the Moon in 1969; that spoke to us with eloquence; with more than a limited, third grade vocabulary and intellect. This had to quietly comfort even Trump’s supporters, who know that even they are better off without this unhinged maniac having the nuclear launch codes. 

TV SHOW OF THE YEAR – Well… 

I have to say that for someone who doesn’t really watch a lot of TV, I most certainly fucking did this year. What I have noticed is that shows that everyone are talking about one minute, seem to disappear the next minute. This of course comes from an over abundance of choices. Streaming services have so much programming it is impossible to watch it all, so it becomes more difficult to pick the best one. So I found myself watching a lot of documentary series’ on Netflix (Thanx, Stephanie!) so I cannot really say that I saw a produced TV series that I enjoyed enough to remember. Maybe next year. Sorry folks… 

 ASSHOLE OF THE YEAR – Senator Mitch McConnell (R-KY) 

So last year, he was our illustrious runner up. This year, Rudy Giuliani had the award all to himself, and let me count the ways, but just when you thought Rudy with his bad hair dye, maniacal gaze and unzipped pants alone in a hotel room with what he thought was a teenaged girl would pull this one out (no pun intended), at the 11th hour, Senator Mitch McConnell steps up to overtake him with a degree of asshole only seen in history books. How can you justify blocking $2000 stimulus checks to Americans when the unemployment rate is at a record high because of the pandemic you chose to ignore? I am serious, this is happening in 2020. 

Now, much like LeBron James or Mike Trout, this award can be given every year to perennial asshole Donald Trump, so it becomes necessary to change it up a bit once in a while. However, this is Moscow Mitch’s second award, so he is certainly dedicated to destroying whatever legacy he may have left. 

OVERUSED PHRASE OF THE YEAR – “Peak 2020” 

When even Alex Rodriguez says it during a baseball game broadcast, it’s time to retire this bad boy. Nothing against A-Rod (in fact, if I may add, I think he is doing a great job as a broadcaster) it’s just that once a phrase shows up there, it’s time for it to die. And while this year may be over, for some odd reason I believe that this one may live on for years to come, just to remind us of what a shit year this actually was, and just in case we may need a comparison point to any other shitty things that may occur later on in history. 

MOVIE OF THE YEAR – “The Midnight Sky” 

For the first time I can remember, I did not even visit a movie theater this year, so this one may not get the usual response. I did not subscribe to any additional streaming services, but I do have Netflix thanks to my “Comadre” (If ya don’t know look it up) so most of the new stuff I was able to watch came from there. 

So I actually only saw this film a few days ago, and it was so compelling that it shot up to the top of my list. I have a complicated relationship with the Science Fiction genre, because like action films, I get very angry when they insult my intelligence, and yet, most times, that is their very function in life. Then something like “The Avengers” or the “Star Wars” franchise comes along, and yes, you have to suspend some level of reality, but not that much that you become ashamed of yourself. 

Now the Sci-Fi film in an arthouse forum, is very difficult to do well (think “Ex Machina” or “Moon”). And yet here is director George Clooney, proving once again that there is very little he cannot do in film. 

I want to give an honorable mention shout out to that second “Borat” movie, just for exposing that idiot criminal Rudy Giuliani as a sexual pervert and cad. 

DOCUMENTARY OF THE YEAR – “The Last Dance.” 

There were so many interesting ones on not only Netflix, but on HBO as well. However, this time I am afraid that it is ESPN that gets the nod from me this year. 

Those of us who know sports, have always known how competitive Michael Jeffery Jordan was as a player. I personally am a University of North Carolina fan because of him. Even though I was never a Chicago Bulls fan, I still marveled at watching Jordan play, and I was able to 8 times during his career. 4 times as a Chicago Bull, and 4 times in Barcelona at the 1992 Summer Olympic Games. 

What we did not know, was what a petty, insecure asshole Jordan was, and this film brings that to light in a way that no other piece ever has, and you wanna know what’s even better? Jordan…had final cut of the film! That means, he got to edit out anything that he thought would make him look bad! That’s right! Jordan only agreed to do the film if it made him look good, and he STILL came off as an asshole! 

Do you realize how high your asshole factor must be if that is the case? And that is what makes this film so great; that in spite of Jordan’s attempts to slant this film in the most positive light possible for him, he fails, and that leads to an objective film that answers a lot of questions that anyone may have had about that most magical time of basketball in the 90’s. 

To his credit, Jordan addresses, if not totally answers, all those hard questions of his playing days (his gambling, his relationships with other players, etc.), you gotta give him that. But what I loved the most, is that the film remembers that there was a 1980s’ Michael Jordan, not just a 1990’s Michael Jordan that was winning all the time. There was a Jordan that was coming up at the same time as Hip Hop and sneaker culture, and like it or not, we were gonna associate one with the other. Of course he could have done a lot more to embrace that, but that is another discussion, for another time. Even if you do not like sports and cannot sit through 10 hours of this (I most certainly can, but that’s just me) just watch the one sequence where it’s Jordan’s highlights from the 80’s with “I Ain’t No Joke” by Eric B & Rakim as a soundtrack. If you are not totally taken back to that time, then you were never there brah…we not the same… 

 ALBUM OF THE YEAR – “Color Theory” Soccer Mommy 

I think that had we not gone through all this madness, 2020 would have been known as another year of recognizing women in music. So many great albums were released by female led acts it was hard to pick just one that spoke to me more than the others, but this one did. There was a roughness and subtle melodic breeze to this record, and it is what I enjoyed listening the most to this year. 

And this is where you cue my rant about how today’s music is complete shit as evidenced by what is being played on the radio, and great acts can only get radio airplay on the only radio station that even pretends to play music that matters, 90.7 WFUV, here in New York City. 

COOLEST SONG BY A MAJOR ACT THAT WASN’T A BIG HIT – “Murder Most Foul” – Bob Dylan 

And this is where you cue my rant about how today’s music is complete shit as evidenced by what is being played on the radio, and great acts can only get radio airplay on the only radio station that even pretends to play music that matters, 90.7 WFUV, here in New York City (Shit...I said that already). Sorry, but it's just that for yet another year, the year’s most interesting song was not played on any other radio station. Now, there are some traditional detractions, one being that song is like 16 minutes long, but still. 

Honorable mention goes to “Didn’t Wanna Be This Lonely” by The Pretenders and that Bo Diddley beat, yeah! 

COOLEST SONG OF THE YEAR – “Money” - Widowspeak 

There was something about the riff I just couldn’t get enough of. I guess that’s what is known as a catchy riff. I would have chosen this as the winner for the next category one spot down, but I listened to enough music this year to not have to. 

COOLEST SONG OF THE YEAR BY A BAND YOU’VE NEVER HEARD OF – “Dying to Believe” – The Beths 

I actually loved this whole album too, so yet another entry by a great female band that you’ve never heard of, but should. 

COOLEST ACT OF THE YEAR – Orville Peck 

Technically his record came out last year. But still in a year where nothing new or interesting could happen or even be noticed, he was delightfully weird. Lil Nas X would have won this for the same reason had we had the pandemic last year instead of in 2020. 

SPORTS TEAM OF THE YEAR – The Kansas City Chiefs, NFL 

Patrick Mahomes is a bit of an anomaly, because he is actually more than his hype. In only now three seasons, he already has an MVP and a Super Bowl win. I wanted him for the category below, but I hate how the NFL splits its season. Technically, the Chiefs are last year’s Super Bowl winners, but come on, who is believing that shit? The game itself was won in 2020 so fuck you NFL! 

The reason why my pick is KC is that for so many years, this team did everything they could to win. They never tanked to get any player in the draft, and never disrespected their fans. For years I saw this team go 13-3 and still not make it far in the playoffs. I saw an aging but still very effective Joe Montana take them to a conference finals what seems like centuries ago.

Now with Mahomes being the best player in the Universe, along with arguably the greatest tight end in Travis Kelce and a fearless wide receiver in Tyreek Hill, this team is gonna be a problem for years to come, not just because all these guys are signed for a while, but because unlike the dynasties in New England, these guys actually like Head Coach Andy Reid. 

ATHLETE OF THE YEAR – LeBron James, Los Angeles Lakers, NBA 

Like it or not, did anyone have a better year, and has anyone, at least in the NBA, ever been this effective at 36 years old? Add that along with having to play in the NBA’s “Bubble” for a few months, and bringing a championship to his team and city. I’d say all things considered this guy did all he could to bring the public his sport. 

OVERRATED ATHLETE OF THE YEAR – Ben Simmons, Philadelphia 76ers, NBA 

 He doesn’t have a jump shot. He is not gonna get a jump shot. He is a good player, but stop wondering if you can build a team around him. You can’t. 

BELOVED ATHLETE WHO REALLY SHOULD RETIRE – Ummm…I Dunno 

Really, I mean who had a season long enough to be considered a bad one? You wanna say Drew Breese of the New Orleans Saints? But why? He was having a great year till he got hurt and can still play for a few more years. So yeah, I got nothing here either. 

BIGOTED ASSHOLE OF THE YEAR – I May Not Know or Even Care About His Name, But He Brought Me Joy 

I have always kept this award, and quite frankly, this blog, a bit lighthearted as we have enough reality to deal with that can anger us to a boiling point. This year however, I could get serious about this one, because many racist assholes this year caused genuine damage to the lives of people of color unlike any year in recent memory, but I think I’ll stick with tradition and go with the stupid white guy who got whacked in the face with a can of iced tea for hurling racial slurs in a bodega (wrong place to do that son). Seriously, what made a white person think that they can incorporate that word? Without getting into a debate about it, white folks…you cannot. 

Personally I’m a Snapple guy, I never messed with Twisted Iced Tea until this brother, a hero without a cape 

DEAD PERSON OF THE YEAR – Too Many to Count, So I’ll Let You Pick 

In the most bizarre year that I have ever lived through, one of the things that made it so was the myriad of people who dropped dead this year. And I’m not just talking about “celebrities” for fame alone's sake. I mean people of real significance; that brought people a lot of joy with what they decided to do with their lives and what they decided to share. 

But if I had to just go off the top of my head, I would say that many significant deaths came in both the sports and the music worlds. Coach John Thomson, the great Tom Seaver, Whitey Ford, the larger than life Diego Maradona and of course Kobe Bryant. 

Chadwick Boseman and Alex Trebek brought people a lot of joy. 

Eddie Van Halen, Little Richard and John Prine meant a great deal to me as a music fan, as did Rita Houston of WFUV. 

Ruth Bader Ginsberg was well, the most necessary entity and life that we lost last year, with the civil rights icon and Congressman Rep. John Lewis being right there with her. 

Personally, I also had some losses, but I’ll keep those to myself except for one who was a public figure, the one and only Miguel Algarin. 

I got nothin’ else folks. To be honest, I, like you, am pretty exhausted. Think I’ll go watch some meaningless Bowl games and be thankful for all that I do have, instead of mourning the loss of things that maybe weren’t so necessary, and the going to of places that I never really liked in the first place. 

Here’s hoping the New Year brings you everything you want