Well kids, it’s that time of year again…
NEWS STORY OF THE YEAR – Just about anything and
everything that has to do with the
Affordable
Care Act or
Obamacare. There are
so many angles to this that I really don’t know where to begin, and any attempt
to put every single issue into some type of perspective may come off as unfocused
unless I write in volumes, so I will broad stroke it (no pun intended)…
First of all, write this down…In ten years, no one will
remember that one of the most progressive policies in
United States history started off badly due to a website. Not the
policy, not the president,
a bad website.
And when the obstructionists, tea baggers and overall black President haters
come to terms with the fact that this is now the law of the land, passed by
Congress and affirmed by the
Supreme Court, I wonder if they will
thank him for saving their lives, now that insurance companies can no longer
deny a “tabbaka-chewin’, bacon fat-chuggin’, moonshine-drankin’” redneck
asshole like you coverage.
What is most disturbing about this is how
Republican assholes like
Ted Cruz, who wasn’t even born in this
country by the way, can become famous for dangerously obstructing government
function. What country are we living in where Congressional Republicans are
willing to shut the government down because of a policy that only benefits the
overall population, a policy that brings the US out of the healthcare Stone Age
as compared to other civilized countries, and a policy that was actually
thought of by a Republican in 1996? Yes that’s right, Obamacare is actually
Bob Dole’s idea. You would figure that
Republicans would embrace it, but they are so terrified of the black President,
so filled with ignorance and hate that they are willing to injure themselves rather
than acknowledge that healthcare is something that should be available to all.
I have to say that I think I found out the perfect way to describe
Republicans…They say they love America but seem to hate Americans.
QUOTE OF THE YEAR – “Yes I have smoked crack cocaine.
. . . Probably in one of my drunken stupors.”
- Toronto Mayor Rob Ford, at a news
conference in November.
I usually save this section for American nit-wits like Kanye West, who really is the gift that
keeps on giving when it comes to asshole quotes, but this shithead from our
neighbors up north really is a special kind of stupid. I mean this is not the
mayor of Bubblefuck, Manitoba. This is Toronto. Toronto, the 4th largest city in North America, and this is who they elect? Even worse is that now
that the City Council has pretty much stripped him of all his powers and
refuses to deal with him, he still won’t
resign! What balls! Meatballs and gravy of course, but balls none the less.
I only wish that Chris Farley were
still with us, I can see the Saturday
Night Live sketch now…
TV SHOW
OF THE YEAR – “The Newsroom” I actually wanted to give this award
to this show last year, but this year’s season was even better. As “The
Sopranos” was a soap opera for men of all tastes, “The Newsroom” is a soap
opera for news junkies, and I think it awesome. The writing by
Aaron Sorkin is the most intelligent on
television, not to mention that quick-wit response that I practice in my
personal life is something that I looked forward to every Sunday evening this
year. I mean,
any line from
any show this season could very well
have been my “Quote of the Year” had it not been fiction. “What I have can’t be
taught”…classic Sorkin (context omitted, watch the final episode).
ASSHOLE OF THE YEAR – Speaker of the House John Boehner. What a complete obstructionist
asshole. Look, even though he was not necessarily responsible for the 16 day
government shut down that cost us billions, he obviously cannot keep the yahoos
in his own party in line. A party that clearly turned against him for negotiating
with the President of the United States, which, correct me if I’m wrong (and I
am not) is part of his job.
PERSON OF THE YEAR - If there is one thing I HATE is
agreeing with any other publication but my own, and I hate it even more when
another publication beats me to the punch. Truth is, TIME Magazine’s Person of the Year, is mine as well.
In 1979,
Pope John Paul II revitalized the
Catholic Church and during his tenure, he reminded us of what the Church’s main
values were. It wasn’t about punishing sin or revering the church so much that
you forgot everything else. That compassion for the poor was what Jesus would
have done. John Paul II was adored and when he died in 2005, he was certainly a
hard act to follow. No one knew that better than his predecessor,
Pope Benedict XVI. In the history of
Popes, he will actually be a forgettable one, except when discussing the
Nazi backgrounds of Popes.
Then came
Pope Francis. This guy is a rock star.
A progressive Pope who actually has some compassion for humanity. He has not
even been in office for a year and has already revitalized the church in a way
that would have made John Paul II proud. Pope Francis has openly declared that
all good people, can get into heaven. Pope Francis has decided not to waste
money by travelling in a Pope mobile but to drive his own car. He fired an
asshole Cardinal that had spent $50 million restoring his house. He has
preached to the poor in the street and invited the homeless to his
Vatican apartment. Remind you of
anyone? How about that guy that conservatives love to invoke but do not even
know,
Jesus Christ. I really like
this guy, and I don’t even believe in
God.
POLITICIAN OF THE YEAR – Chris Christie, Governor of New Jersey. He seems to be the only
Republican in the room with a brain, albeit a brain surrounded by bacon fat. Now
since he has made no decision whether or not he will run for President in 2016,
here is a preview of the future…
OVERUSED PHRASE OF THE YEAR – “Twerking” Please make
this go away, and while you are at it, make these two douchebags go away too,
they are taking up way too much of my article.
MOVIE OF THE YEAR – “American Hustle” I got the hype a
bit late on this one, but it is a great movie. With such a good cast you figure
someone’s talent is going to get wasted here, but they all get to develop their
characters in an entertaining way.
ACTOR WHO MANAGED TO GET
HERSELF INTO EVERY COOL MOVIE THIS
YEAR – Amy Adams for “Her,” ”Man of Steel” and “American Hustle” Nice year you are having Big
Red. Up until now, this award has always gone to a male actor.
COOLEST MOVIE WITH SOMEWHAT FAMOUS PEOPLE IN IT THAT YOU STILL
DIDN’T SEE BUT YOU SHOULD HAVE
– “Blue Jasmine” I believe Cate Blanchett will get an Oscar nomination for her role in this
movie, but Woody Allen really has to
be one Hell of a director if he can get an actual good performance from Andrew “Dice” Clay. I’m serious, Andrew
“Dice” Clay…
ALBUM OF THE YEAR – “Tales of Us”/Goldfrapp. Look, even
Superman had Kryptonite, and for better or worse (mostly worse) I really like
this band, primary because of Alison’s voice. However, their releases
after 2005’s “Supernature” have left a lot to be desired, and just when I thought I was out…they pull me
back in. First of all, this record is not a return to the intelligent, high
powered dance music this band became famous for on “Supernature”. It’s a more
moody, dark, atmospheric record. You know, the type of music that white,
suburban, Middle-American immigrants to Williamsburg pretend to like but don’t
really know shit about.
Yes, I am aware that there was actually some pretty good, if
not pop-chart climbing music that was released this year, and it was hard to
pick just one, but I really liked this.
COOLEST SONG BY A MAJOR BAND THAT WASN’T A BIG HIT – “Super Collider”/Megadeth. With a
band name like Megadeth, it’s hard to believe that something can come out of
this band that does doesn’t involve generic, dark sounding minor chords and
bloody destruction. But this song is really cool, it actually has a melody.
COOLEST SONG OF THE YEAR – “Suit and Tie”/ Justin
Timberlake. Fuck you I liked it. So sue me.
COOLEST ACT OF THE YEAR – Ok this may surprise some of
you…
Usually, in this youth obsessed culture we tend to prop up
the next pre-teen who can sing and make them a star, even if they suck, and
most of the times they do, like
Justin
Bieber or that
Carly Rae
whatever-the-fuck-her-name-is with that “Call Me Maybe” crap.
This year however, I have to admit
that although only 17,
Lorde comes
off as someone who actually has something to say, and I actually like hearing
it. Is she the next
Debbie Harry or
Patti Smith? Fuck no. But given the
mindless pop drivel that seems to be sprouting from teenagers we choose to make
famous, this is quite a refreshing breather.
ONE HIT WONDER THAT I REALLY HOPE STAYS AWAY AFTER IT
FINALLY GOES AWAY – “Blurred Lines”/Robin Thicke & Pharrell. Let’s
try to ignore the major douchebag move that was suing Marvin Gaye’s estate as a pre-emptive strike, just the fact that
such a stupid song that glorifies date rape was so celebrated is enough to make
me forget how much I actually love music.
SPORTS TEAM OF THE YEAR
– The Alabama Crimson Tide (football).
Think about this season for a minute. The Tide ended the year ranked third, and
had it not been for one fluke final play against Auburn in the Iron Bowl they would be playing for the National Championship in 2014. A great season
for anyone except Alabama. But in
2013 they impressed, winning their second national title in a row, and third in
4 years, in a trouncing of Notre Dame,
not an easy feat unless you are without a doubt and by far the greatest team of
the year. Now technically I know the championship is played in 2013 but counts
as the 2012 National Championship, but that just drives me friggin’ nuts. Why
can’t football, college and pro, just name their seasons with two years like
the NBA does? Nick Saban isn’t going anywhere by the way, so put it back in your
pants USC fans.
ATHLETE OF THE YEAR – It takes a great athlete to retire
on his own terms. You either do it when you have little to nothing left in the
tank and go out painfully while everyone pretends not to watch, like Michael Jordan with the Washington Wizards or Brett Favre with the Minnesota Vikings, or you go out still
in your prime with nothing left to prove. Let me give you some numbers - 2.11
ERA, 1.05 WHIP, 44 saves in 51 opportunities. Now is that a closer you would
want on your team this year? I would.
These are the numbers from season 19 of Mariano
Rivera’s career. How he never won a Cy
Young Award and Dennis Eckersley
has one is mind-boggling to me. I can go on forever about how he is without a
doubt the greatest closer in the history of baseball, but you know that
already. He is this year’s winner because of how he went out, at the very top,
with nothing left to prove, not just being effective in his last year, but
vital. Still the greatest at what he does. Having said that…
BELOVED ATHLETE WHO REALLY SHOULD RETIRE and SHIT I HOPE TO NEVER
SEE ON TV EVER AGAIN, WELL SORT OF… – Anderson “Spider” Silva. Yes
I acknowledge UFC has become
incredibly popular even if it is not as elegant or as combat effective as traditional
martial arts. Want to see this as it should be, check out some Vale Tudo matches. One of the things I
loved about Silva was that he came from a more traditional Brazilian Jiu Jitsu background, but was also an experienced Muay Thai fighter and boxer. He earned
his ranks through study, not just showing up at some studio and learning a kick
punch and takedown. He has been widely regarded as the best to ever do this, so
why after that horrific leg breakage in his last fight against Chris Weidman would you feel the need to
continue?
BIGOTED ASSHOLE OF THE YEAR – Usually this section is
known as “racist of the Year” and would be reserved for assholes like Paula Dean, who for the record, I do
not believe hates black people. If she did, she would be marketing her crappy
cholesterol-filled, stroke-inducing, barnyard slop that she calls food to them regularly. Or the
jury in Treyvon Martin case, who let
a murderer go free so that he may continue to serve the community by getting
involved in multiple domestic battery incidents.
Nope, this year this award goes to
Phil Robertson of “Duck Dynasty” not just to for being a racist
homophobe, but to his progressive network,
A&E
for caving into pressure by the Right wing yahoos of this country and
reinstating him.
What is most disturbing about this incident really isn’t the
incident itself, but the reaction to it on
both sides, but mostly from his idiot supporters. First, the non-reaction
from anyone in the administration. Come on
Barack,
it’s a slow world events month isn’t it? If you were so busy you’d be in
Washington right now, instead of signing
legislation from
Hawaii. Say
something about this. Then there is
GLAAD
whose spokesman said “I was shocked by the comments.” Shocked? Really? Have you
seen Phil Robertson? Does this extra
from the movie “Deliverance” look like someone who has a progressive attitude
towards anything? Now admittedly, I’ve never watched this show, but even at
first glance I think it’s safe to say that Mr. Robertson certainly doesn’t look
like he is ready to enthusiastically attend a
Jay-Z concert.
Then there is
Bobby
Jindal,
Governor of Louisiana,
who defended the caving in and re-instatement of Robertson by saying, and I
quote, “This proves that the Left does not have a monopoly on the 1
st
Amendment and free speech.” I would love to ask him how the Left has used the 1
st
Amendment more than the Right. Has the Left ever used it to justify the bigoted
hate speech that Robertson is spewing? Is this really how you want this
Amendment to be used? And since this whole incident, I have yet to hear anyone
from the Left saying that the
government
should silence Robertson. I would hope that someone who is a Governor of a
state would have at the very least, a minimal understanding of Constitutional
law and realize that A&E, a privately owned company, is who suspended
Robertson, not the federal government. And just as Mr. Robertson has the right
to express his views, a privately owned company can decide to suspend an
employee for expression that they feel is detrimental to the company. Having
said that, A&E caving in to pressure to protect bigoted speech is sad.
Which brings me to another supporter who I saw on
CNN and whose name I cannot remember said Robertson was unfairly
suspended for merely “speaking Jesus’ truth.” Really? I have always been amazed
by overly religious people who have yet to read the
Bible. I for one, have read the Bible from cover to cover (which is
why I am an Atheist). I have read all four
Gospels
(gospels, by the way, are the stories that claim to document Jesus’ life)
thoroughly and I have yet to see anything in any of them where Jesus hates
anyone or mentions sexuality, race, or gender as a criteria to get into
Heaven.
I really do not expect to ever change the mind of a close
minded bigot, and yes, he does have the right to say what he wants, but we have
the right to respond, ignore, and make obscure and irrelevant those we find
objectionable, which is what should have been done in the first place.
DEAD PERSON OF THE YEAR – Every year has losses, but
this year’s seem monumental. Many times we believe that a loss of great
magnitude will leave us weaker or unable to move on, but we manage to. There
was no greater loss however, than Nelson
Mandela. He was to South Africa’s
progress what George Washington was
to the American Revolution. He was
the heir to the nation’s conscience. Without him alive, even if as only a
symbol as he was in his later years, no one is really sure what direction South
Africa will take. Those of us who were alive to read about his struggle and
still see his distinguished life first hand are better people for it. As so
many sons and daughters of the American Revolution were. Hope you don't mind, but I have decided to remember him as a fighter.
Here’s hoping the New Year brings you everything you want!
The Super Bowl is this
week…so let’s talk about race!!! This town is crazy with Super Bowl fever. I
ran into Osi Umenyiora on Broadway
yesterday, a street that was shut down in the middle of Times Square in celebration of Sunday’s big game. I asked him for a
prediction, and his answer would make any Giants
fan proud…”we’ll get ‘em next year.” 
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