“I have no American Friends”…Maybe Because You’re An Asshole? 4/21/13

NEWS & CURRENT EVENTS

I can’t remember a week that was so violent, I really am glad it’s over. One thing I love about The United States of America, we may have our faults, but we never let the same dog bite us twice, and we tend to really learn from our mistakes (well except for the retarded George W Bush who obviously would have learned something from Vietnam had he not dodged service). Since 9/11 we have stepped up our homeland security game, yes it sucks to have to take your shoes off at the airport, but we have not had another hijacking since.

Within weeks of the 9/11 attacks in 2001, some asshole decided to send Anthrax laced letters to the Senate, so we received all mail sent to politicians outside of the White House or the Capitol, and when some asshole decided to send Ricin laced letters to the White House, coincidentally right after the bombings in Boston, we used the lessons learned and he was caught. But then again, the suspect is an Elvis impersonator from Mississippi, so did you really think it would take that long?

Law enforcement went through the burdensome task of shutting the entire city of Boston down to look for the two assholes, that killed 4 people and injured hundreds by detonating a bomb during the marathon, and they were found. One asshole was killed, and now this surviving suspect will not be questioned by local law enforcement, but face the same Federal interrogators that deal with “high value” targets (can you say “waterboarding?”), so he is in some trouble. Now there is no Federal statute for murder, but there is a convenient new federal charge known as “use of a weapon of mass destruction to kill people,” which just happens to carry the death penalty.

I have a great deal of respect for the ACLU, but they actually got it wrong this time when they expressed “concerns” about Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, whenever he comes to, not being read his Miranda rights. Any first year law student (at least one that actually opened a book) can tell you that first off, unlike what you see on CSI, Miranda rights do not have to be read to you upon arrest. They are reserved for questioning. That notwithstanding, the police can actually question you at anytime, regardless of the “public safety” exception. The difference being that any information the police get during that questioning simply must be supressed should a trial occur.

So there is no law that says the police cannot question you without reading you your rights, the law is that should they fail to read you your rights, question you, and you foolishly decide to answer, then those statements cannot be used against you. It should be noted that once the suspect demands an attorney, then all questioning must stop. Now, given the fact that a public defender has already been assigned this case, all of this could actually be a mute point, but the ACLU, whose heart I’m sure is in the right place, got the spirit of the law wrong.

Then there was that expolsion in Texas that killed 14 people that is being treated as a crimce scene, and while you were on facebook sending your “thoughts and prayers,” due to these incidents, do you know what The House of Representatives did?  They took advantage of a clearly distracted public to pass CISPA. If signed into law, CISPA would make it legal for websites to give your personal information to the U.S. government without your permission. Not to be outdone, the Senate decided not to listen to 90% of the people that elected them and struck down a law that would require background checks for gun buyers. Nice.

SPORTS & THIS WEEK’S REASON WHY TERRORISTS WANNA KILL US

Even now, I stand by my statement that the only way I would ever root for the Boston Red Sox is if they are playing against a team fielded by Al-Qaeda. But for the FCC to come out and say that they could have fined David Ortiz for saying that “this is our fucking city” over the Fenway Park PA while giving a speech during the opening of the Red Sox first home game since the Boston Marathon tragedy is just fucking stupid. Clearly Ortiz was emotional and had every reason to be, so if the F-word is dropped, how about you Feds just lighten the fuck up?

Hey FCC…Fuck You!

Who is more dangerous? Barbie or Lil' Kim? 4/12/13

“I wasn’t lucky, I deserved it.”

“To wear your heart on your sleeve isn’t a very good plan; you should wear it inside, where it functions best.”

“Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren’t”

-          Margaret Thatcher 1925-2013

I chose to acknowledge that I didn’t always agree with this woman historically, but to remember her fondly.

NEWS & CURRENT EVENTS

Am I the only one that is aware that there is no possible way that North Korea can actually hit the United States with a missile? Sure we have to protect our allies in the region but can we tone the rhetoric down just a bit? I mean what did Dennis Rodman do over there? Did he teabag Lil’ Kim while he was taking a power nap?

Look, the North Korean missile program is about as advanced as the Russian system…in 1963. Seriously I have a better chance of hitting the Pentagon with a bottle rocket from my roof in New York than these nit wit North Koreans do. If they were even to fuel a missile we would know about it, which is why I cannot understand why they are taking such a hard stance. This little runt Kim Jong Un is obviously owned by the military and is being advised very badly, and dangerously. And one more thing, I see pictures of this little guy every day on CNN and all I can ask myself is, “what the fuck is he always looking at?”

I am also a bit surprised that China has not taken more visible steps to keep these maniacs in line. The last thing they want is increased involvement in the region by the United States, which is precisely what will happen if North Korea threatens to further destabilize the region. I guess they are too busy dealing with that new strand of bird flu, but they better keep their friends in line.

SPORTS

So as I correctly predicted, Louisville won the National Championship, solidifying an already pretty impressive bracket this year by me, and beating my rival President Barack Obama.

THIS WEEK’S REASON WHY TERRORISTS WANNA KILL US

Have you heard of this Mexico Barbie? I’m serious, in order to appease, well I have no fucking idea really, that growing segment of the Latino population that plays with American Barbie dolls? Mattel has decided to create a slightly darker version of the doll whose accessories include,  and I’m not making this up, a ruffled party dress, a fucking Chihuahua and a passport; yeah, a passport, just in case she tries to cross the border illegally.

The website MamásLatinas, an online community for Latina women and mothers, said it was jarring to see Mexico Barbie with a passport, given the politically charged discussions of immigration politics in the United States. Really? Ok if this organization is to be taken seriously, shouldn’t they think about maybe changing that name? I’m sure that they mean to embody strong Latino parents, but some of us see that name and think “internet porn.”

As for the doll, I really think that this organization needs to find something better to complain about. Not that it isn’t painfully obvious that the geniuses at Mattel have no idea how to gauge the immigration debate in this country, but what do expect from these out of touch morons whose only contact with our population is to learn a few Spanish words so they can communicate with the help? I think if this were really meant to really offend it would have a pregnant Mexican Barbie, half the size of regular Barbie with six screaming little fat kids, a few tacos, an EBT card, and a baby carriage as accessories.