Way Too Messed Up Not To Be True 1/19/12

NEWS & CURRENT EVENTS

Is there any more delightful chaotic mess than the Republican Party right now? I picture one of those all-star cast disaster movies of the 1970’s. The first Steve McQueen worthy disaster is Iowa. After spending months and millions of dollars courting Iowa voters, after making that same empty promise to corn farmers that they feel their pain, the GOP couldn’t even get the caucus right. As it turns out Rick Santorum won in Iowa and not Mitt Romney, it just took a while to actually count the votes. Now, we all know that the GOP is hostile towards anything intellectual, but how do you fuck up counting? 1, 2, 3 then 4, right? Now you may see Republicans dismissing this as a minor mistake, but I assure you it is not. Iowa has decided the fate of many Presidential hopefuls, as it is the first state to vote, and whoever wins it, or in this case, appears to win it, gains an incredible amount of momentum. Believe me, the GOP has not been this embarrassed since Karl Rove ended up on YouTube trying to rap.

Today also saw the end of Rick Perry’s campaign, and his subsequent endorsement of Newt Gingrich, a man who is obviously a lot more liberal than he lets on. In an interview to be released this week, Newt’s ex-wife revealed that Newt wanted an “open marriage.” What a hippie! Seriously am I the only one totally grossed out at the fact that there are women out there that find Newt so irresistible that he feels the need to ask for an open marriage?

I predict the winner in South Carolina to be Stephen Colbert.

SPORTS

I’m usually talking about football this time of year, but I really have to address some moves the Yankees made earlier this week. Trading hitting for pitching is usually a safe bet, but I really liked Jesus Montero, so much so I even wrote about him when he was in the minors. There is no question that the Yankees need starting pitching, the question is whether or not Michael Pineda is the answer. Yes he had a losing record and a bit of a high ERA, but the guy is about 6’ 6” tall, only 23 years old, has good stuff and played for a team with limited offense. Let me give you an image…picture the Yankees hitting for this guy about 50% less than they did for AJ Burnett last year and Pineda actually not tanking it? Pretty cool huh? And given his height along with CC Sabathia’s, I think they could give the Knicks a hand in the front court should things get rough.

As for football, I was stunned by the New York Giants beating the Green Bay Packers. I really thought that the Packers were going to the Super Bowl the way they seemed to roll over teams this year. The Giants when they are on a streak are a tough out, and now their streak just happens to be at the right time, during the playoffs.

Yes I did say that Peyton Manning should retire, but since when does Rob Lowe have insight that we don’t? Shouldn’t he be videotaping himself with some under-aged chicks?

THIS WEEK’S REASON WHY TERRORISTS WANNA KILL US  

Uhh…have we really become the country that offers sex for Chicken McNuggets? In the “this is way too fucked not to be true” category, a woman in LA stood outside her local Mickey D’s drive-thru and told a number of male customers that she would blow them if they bought her an order of Chicken McNuggets, the 20 piece of course, what do you think she is, cheap? Unfortunately for Khadijah Baseer, she did not succeed in her bartering venture, but did manage a misdemeanor solicitation charge. Man, talk about “What You Crave.” Oh wait…that’s White Castle right?