I Have Once Again Been Diagnosed With World Cup Fever 7/13/11

I had a pretty awesome weekend, but not nearly as good as these folks…

I have said this before and I will say it again, not as a fan, but as an objective observer...Derek Jeter can break Pete Rose’s all time hits record of 4,256. Think about this, he has reached 3,000 in fewer years, in fewer games, and without nearly the wear and tear on his body that Pete Rose had endured. The only question is whether he will continue to play shortstop for 5 to 7 more years, which does seem unlikely. Those who know little to nothing about baseball calling for Jeter to bow out gracefully now just because they think it’s a clever thing to say are very quiet all of a sudden, which is how it should be. Considering that the man has raised his average from .256 to .270 in one weekend, I’d say there is a great deal of baseball left to be played. And remember this is Derek Jeter, he of the charmed life. The Yankee Captain. 5 World Series rings. 1996 Rookie of the Year. 2000 World Series MVP. The non-power hitter who got his 3,000^th hit by way of the homerun. Yeah, he’s Derek fucking Jeter; he can do what he wants.

Now having said that….

One of the things I’ve always liked about Derek Jeter was his uncanny ability to avoid controversy, a nearly impossible feat considering he plays in New York. If he were in the service he would be in a bomb disposal unit, and he’d come home without a scratch. Even the guy who caught his 3000 hit ball became a feel-good story as the guy just gave it back without asking for anything.

Which is why I’m surprised that he didn’t foresee how badly his skipping the All-Star Game would be perceived. Right now, Jeter is the face of baseball, a PED-free player who just got 3000 hits. He is not whining about a contract and his average is improving. Not to mention that he was voted in by the fans, and should have at the very least shown up to take a bow and at least one at bat.

To say that he is “physically and emotionally drained” is just stupid. Sorry Derek, but you are the captain of the greatest sports franchise in the World, you are 37 years old and make $17 million a year as you are inching past your prime, you are banging an incredibly hot chick and have supportive parents who are not “Cam Newton”-ing you by trying to cash in, so it’s kinda hard to feel sorry for you. This All-Star Break could have been about celebrating your achievement on a National stage, not just in New York; you uncharacteristically dropped the ball dude. 

Alex Rodriguez is doing the smart thing by getting his knee surgery now. I’d rather have him available for the playoffs this year then have him play through an injury that won’t get better and may cause permanent damage to a $252 million investment. 

I often have a dream where I am the only inmate in a maximum security prison, and the prison is staffed by the Women’s National Soccer Team of Brazil, and they do things to me. Bad things. They force me to service them in inhuman ways, and at all hours of the day and night too! Now that the US Women’s team has knocked them out of the World Cup with what has to be one of the greatest games in US Soccer history, not just in the women’s game, maybe they should call me.

It’s a shame that the women’s game doesn’t get the attention it deserves, given that they win more than the US Men’s National Team. And how they won against Brazil on Sunday was just amazing. After a ridiculous red card on USA which caused them to be down 1 player, then a stupid cheap yellow card on US Goalie Hope Solo(Solo is the Warden in my dream btw. OK so she is a US player, so what? It’s my dream I’ll choose who I want) which allowed Marta, Brazil’s best player, who is so good Brazilians are calling for her to be on the men’s team, kicked a penalty that equalized the game. Seriously how bad was the officiating in this game? The international fans were actually rooting for the United States!

After Brazil scored another goal, the US was pretty much done, but they never gave up. Not even in minute 122, the last play of the game, when they scored one of the most dramatic goals in the history of US soccer, women’s or men’s game, then won on penalty kicks. This was a Hollywood screenplay, not a soccer game. Look, whenever ignorant rubes addicted to mind numbing reality TV ask me why I watch sports, this is the answer. Moments like this will never be experienced on that “I’m 16 and Pregnant” bullshit. And I assure you, these players are considerably better role models than any of those Kardashian skanks.

Today’s game against France to get the US to the World Cup Finals was not particularly surprising, as the French did what they are good at, surrendering. Isn’t it only fitting that the USA beat France on German soil, the language those snail eating cowards would be speaking today if not for us? And in keeping with the World War II theme, looks like German soil will be hosting the greatest showdown between the US and Japan since we dropped the bomb. Start paying attention to the US Women’s soccer team, ok soccer posers? Or you will miss the boat like you did in 1999.

And to celebrate the NFL lockout almost being close to being just about almost over, I will now share my thoughts on football…

I just don’t like Dez Bryant, sorry.

First of all, who the Hell is he to be wearing #88? Shouldn't that number be retired considering that 3 time Super Bowl Champion Michael Irvin, the player who wore it before him, is in the Hall of Fame and Bryant is a nobody?

And I'm glad they hazed him twice as bad after the whole "I'm too good to carry pads" incident. Rookie.

And seriously how fucked in the head must you be when even Deion Sanders no longer wants to hang out with you? Yeah, Deion "Prime Time," "Neon Deion" Sanders, a man so obnoxious that he has two nicknames, thinks that you are too obnoxious...someone chemotherapy this cancer already.