All Charlie...All The Time 3/3/11

My pitch for a new cable network…All Charlie Sheen, all the time! There should be a camera on this guy even when he sleeps; I can imagine the insane, seemingly real nightmares that awaken this delusional, borderline schizophrenic in a screaming cold sweat are just as entertaining and pathological as he is. Now I’m sure that everyone at this point has their own personal favorite Charlie Sheen rant, but my favorite has to be him saying that he is ready to film “Major League 3” a movie that was already made in the 90’s, without him. That’s classic!

NEWS & CURRENT EVENTS

These protests in Libya have turned into an all out civil war, and President Barack Obama has made his strongest statements on the matter in a press conference this afternoon. Here’s an idea…instead of “preparing all options” including a military one, how about we tell our “allies” who actually have a relationship with Libya, to step up to the plate and pressure Qaddafi? Why is it that the United States is always called upon when the rest of the world can’t fight its own battles? We are involved in two wars right now; we can’t afford to clean up the rest of the world’s problems too. Sure you can argue that we have some vested interest, but European nations have more. Why is it that Europe is always willing to fight to last American life? Why doesn’t France, those snail-eating cowards who wouldn’t let us fly our planes over their airspace when we did attack Libya in 1986, handle this? Oh yeah I forgot, this would require them having a spine.

This is where it gets tough…I will not condone the actions of Pfc. Bradley Manning, the Army private accused of providing a treasure trove of classified government documents to WikiLeaks. If he is found guilty, he needs to pay the price. Anyone thinking that this is a freedom of speech issue should volunteer their personal information for me to publicly post on this blog. There is a reason things are classified, and he knew that. Having said that, the Government has decided to charge him with an Article 104, which is complete bullshit. That in a nutshell for you civilians is “Aiding the enemy,” which could give him life or in some cases the death penalty. Unless Wikileaks was a declared an enemy of the United States by a formal declaration of war or other military action, charging him with this is just legal posturing, and is yet another reason why the government’s intelligence is never taken seriously.

Trent Reznor at the Academy Awards? Don’t get it twisted, I’m happy that this great musician, who has written some of my favorite songs, has gotten some recognition, but it was just hard to watch the guy who wrote “Starfuckers Incorporated” wearing a tuxedo and getting an Oscar.

SPORTS

Brandon Davies, the third leading scorer and top rebounder on the BYU basketball team was kicked out for violations of the Honor Code. As it turns out, the violation had nothing to do with drugs or a DUI, but the fact that the kid was having sex with his girlfriend. First of all he deserves to be kicked out for admitting it, unless they snuck a camera into his room. And how does BYU expect to make it to the Final Four if all their guys are backed up from not getting laid? Can you imagine if every college kicked you out for that? There would be no one left in school. I guess real Mormons are a lot weirder than on “Big Love.”

THIS WEEK’S REASONS WHY TERRORISTS WANNA KILL US

An early entry for my JB Random Report Parents of the Year are Sandra and James Davis, from ironically enough, Dodge County, Georgia. These two winners pleaded guilty to having their 14-year-old daughter engage in sex with a man so that they would not have to make monthly payments on their secondhand minivan. The used car dealer was also arrested. I wonder if the sheriff would have been more lenient if it was a Ford?

And no indictment of America would be complete without a good Facebook feud! Police in Brooklyn arrested a teenage mother and charged her with second-degree murder for allegedly stabbing her friend over a dispute about a $20 loan for diapers that escalated into a Facebook feud, then a stabbing. Kayla Henriques, 18, was arrested early Tuesday and charged with second-degree murder and criminal possession of a weapon, police said. I guess in their world diapers are as valuable as crack and are worth dying for.