The JB Random Report 10/8/09

NEWS & CURRENT EVENTS

Don’t look now, but even as approval ratings drop a bit, Barack Obama is doing something very innovative for a politician…he is actually keeping a campaign promise! A new policy, announced by "ethics czar," (what a shit job that must be in Washington DC) Norm Eisen, prevents federally registered lobbyists from serving on "agency advisory boards and commissions." These are private-sector advisory panels created in the 1970s to give input to the government on various issues. The regulations could end the tenures of lobbyists who have been serving on the panels, and who the Obama administration sees as special-interest agents with an unhealthy proximity to federal policy. Private-sector clients will now have to pass up registered lobbyists for others who qualify to serve on the panels, and the prospect of a mass exodus from the highly prized positions has not made lobbyists happy. This is open to challenges simply because these agencies are ultimately private and it would be difficult to monitor everyone who serves on them, but I knew it was a step in the right direction when K Street angrily cancelled its annual “The Senate is My Bitch” block party.

Is it true that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad might be Jewish? Hummm…an insecure, hate-spewing, self-loathing Jew hiding his roots? Maybe those comparisons to Hitler are not as far off as I thought.

MUSIC & ENTERTAINMENT

I’m glad that David Letterman confronted his situation with honesty and humor. So what if he got horny, as it says in the Bible, “let he amongst you who is without sin, and hath the free hand that has yet to grabeth some ass, cast the first stone.” He was also right to go to the District Attorney, no one should have to be bullied because they can get laid and some jealous hater can’t.
As for his career, here is something that politicians can take a lesson from - most of us don’t give a shit about your personal life, and those who do will forgive you if you come clean now. His career will not suffer at all.

SPORTS

You know who would have made a great candidate for “Asshole of the Week” last week? Seattle Seahawks coach Jim Mora. He spent a great deal of his post game press conference blaming his kicker for his team’s loss to the Chicago Bears. Not the defense that pretty much let Jay Cutler do whatever he wanted. Not the fact that his team had to settle for kicking six field goals because his team couldn’t score, not to mention the two turnovers. And who is he gonna blame for those ridiculous fluorescent jerseys they wore?

I have never been a Jets fan, but I have to say I am rooting for Mark Sanchez. Bring new life to a team that hasn’t won a Super Bowl since the Nixon era by starting 3-0 is no easy task. And even more difficult would have been beating the New Orleans Saints, who have a decent team with a quarterback that just might pass for over 5,000 yards this season. Regardless the Jets are fun to watch, and I think they are the most compelling 3-1 team. I always say that people root either for individuals or uniforms. Whether it's Coach Rex Ryan boldly stating “I’m not here to kiss Bill Belichik’s ring,” Sanchez easing very well into a big time job, (being a starting quarterback in New York isn’t easy, just ask Brett Favre, Kurt Warner or Kerry Collins, guys who played better both before and after leaving these parts), criticizing those ridiculous NY Titans throwback jerseys, or the biggest reason of all, trading for Cleveland malcontent WR Braylon Edwards, the Jets are becoming interesting again. I was really surprised by the fact that 1- the Jets made the trade, and 2- I actually care. Edwards is currently being investigated by the NFL for getting into a fight outside a club with a friend of the owner of the city of Cleveland, LeBron James. The Jets just might have proven that a sneeze can really cause an avalanche by inadvertently setting New York basketball back a few years. In what has become an embarrassingly obvious stalker-like courtship, the Knicks have been maneuvering for the past few years to sign LeBron when he becomes a free agent next year. Having to share another city with a guy he hates might not be something LeBron wants to do.

THIS WEEK’S REASON WHY TERRORISTS WANNA KILL US

Rush Limbaugh wants to own an NFL team? That fat, drug addicted gasbag is part of St. Louis Blues owner Dave Checketts' group that wants to buy that city's NFL team, the Rams. Let’s not allow this please. Not because he is an asshole, there is a legitimate reason that the NFL should take very seriously - He has proven that he is unfit to be an owner given his racial bias aimed directly at players, just ask Donovan McNabb. Well, at least any injured players won’t have to look too far to get Oxycontin.