I Hate...and I'm Kinda Worried About...

I HATE…

Verizon Wireless. It only took these people a few years to totally eradicate two special places of my past. Anyone who went to St. John’s University knows that “the” bar was Gantry’s. A corner bar full of St. John’s sports memorabilia that was full of students even on Wednesday nights. Having done my undergrad work in the city, I had a bunch of restaurants and sushi places that I would frequent, but never an actual campus bar like most colleges in smaller college towns had. When I was in Law school I was the youngest student in my class, so I had never drank enough outside of my own family to have an actual bar that I was a regular in…until Gantry’s of course. I had my first cigar there. So many debates late into the night about who had the best slam dunk during a game in the history of the NBA. Could Muhammad Ali have beaten Mike Tyson? (Hell fucking yes) DiMaggio or Mantle? (DiMaggio of course, but Willie Mays was a better player than both of them) This was of course, all being played out in the early evening, as after 10 pm the undergrads turned it into Disney Party USA. But a good time was still managed to be had by all. After graduating, I have to admit that even I didn’t pass by the old place much. How could I? I was so busy with the life I had worked so hard for, the life I thought I really wanted. Besides, that place doesn’t need me, it gets a whole new class every year to hold its debates in one of those wooden booths. You can imagine my shock, horror and disappointment when driving up Utopia the other day I saw that corner bar replaced by a corner Verizon Wireless store. WTF??? How can you possibly erase a St. John’s institution with a Verizon Wireless store? The day of my last final…well you know what? I’m not ready to share that memory yet, but fuck, you gotta be kidding me. How worse can this get? How many generations of St. John’s students will never have seen that place? Well this is as bad as it’s going to get. Usually when you say that, something worse tends to happen…

When you are a child, one of the first ways you learn to find your way home is through landmarks. My first babysitter lived on a street just across a high traffic boulevard. On the corner of my street, that boulevard had a candy store with an old round Coca-Cola sign on top of the door; the type of sign that you probably would only be able to find in a junkyard now; a candy store that let you look at video game magazines, and always had plenty those Swedish fish candies in stock. In all my years of traveling and being away from home for extended periods of time (In the Army, not prison) I could always count on that old landmark leading me home. You can imagine my shock, horror and disappointment when driving to a turn on that very boulevard I saw that corner candy store replaced by a corner Verizon Wireless store. Ok is this personal? Why is this place and its corporate vultures sucking the life out of places that mean so much to the neighborhoods they are in? Have they run out of streets in Manhattan to dominate? This fungus is spreading faster than Starbucks.
Seriously, fuck these people and their greed and…Oh wait, I have to stop writing, Verizon just sent me an email giving me 3 free phones because I have been a valued customer for over a decade…sorry, gotta go!

How the NFL lists its Super Bowl champions one year behind. Explain that logic to me. How is it that the Pittsburg Steelers are the 2008 Super Bowl Champions when that game was played in February of 2009? Why confuse people? And worse, why ruin the symmetry of how I rate my years in sports? Let me explain that. See, 1996 was a great year for me for so many reasons. One of them being that two of my favorite teams won championships that year. The Yankees won the World Series and the Dallas Cowboys won the Super Bowl. So why the hell are the Cowboys considered champions of 1995? They didn’t win the Super Bowl in that year! Get it? Why must they destroy the memory of my year with such poisonous inaccuracy? The NBA gets it right, they add both years in which the season was played to their championship banners. For example, the LA Lakers are the 2008-2009 season champions, but when asked when they won the title, they don’t say 2008 they say 2009.

I’M KINDA WORRIED ABOUT…

The Yankees. In the afore mentioned year of 1996, the Yankees, the greatest sports franchise in the history of the world, did lose the first two games at home and did come back to win that World Series in six games ( I know cuz I was there). This year, the bats were asleep in game one. Game two came down to good pitching once again, odd for the 1st and 2nd place offensive teams in baseball this year. The Yankee bats need to wake up in a hurry. Speaking of game two, that was one sick performance by Jay-Z and Alicia Keys.

My Generation. When a group of adults in their late 20’s/ early 30’s are watching Youtube videos of handicapped people falling, drunks taking 10 minutes to get off a convenience store floor while trying to open a refrigerator, Redneck morons dipping tobacco while shouting racial slurs in an indoor lawn chair, Indians electrocuted to death by a train wire, and PSAs where a house blows up because it was a meth lab, it really is time to re-examine this generation’s priorities.

The JB Random Report 10/23/09

NEWS & CURRENT EVENTS

It was a relatively slow news week, so let’s talk about other stuff…

People must still be upset at the Twins losing to the Yankees in Minnesota, or there really is nothing to do there…Remember that story about country singer George Jones being so drunk that his wife hid his car keys so he drove his lawnmower to the liquor store? Well this genius does one better…Dennis LeRoy Anderson has pleaded guilty to driving his motorized La-Z-Boy chair while drunk. Anderson told police he left a bar in the northern Minnesota town of Proctor on his chair after drinking eight or nine beers, then proceeded to crash into a parked car. Police said the chair was powered by a converted lawnmower and had a stereo and cup holders. Wow, let’s see that on MTV Cribs!

Is it me or does Dana Bash of CNN look like her eyes are about to meet up on the other side of her head?

SPORTS

Nice to see the New York media being so objective and supportive after the Yankees lost game 3 of the ALCS to the Angels. Look, in the post season you have to balance going with your guys who are doing well with the numbers. On the road, the numbers usually win out a bit more than just your instincts. Joe Girardi might have pulled the trigger too fast on Robertson, but Aceves should have been able to put the inning away against a .200 hitter. As for leaving in Rivera, do you want the greatest closer ever to be worn out by making him hit and pitch another inning after he already pitched 2 1/3 innings last night? Shut up and let the man manage. I thought a 3 man rotation was risky, but I was still willing to go with it. CC Sabathia has pitched great in his two games, but it’s AJ Burnett that struggles a bit on the road, and he certainly did in the 1st inning last night. Andy Pettitte has been great in big games over the years, and he should handle the game tomorrow and close it out.

Remember that lovefest that was once the relationship between Isiah Thomas and Magic Johnson? Well it looks like the party is over. I always thought Magic was the best team player ever, and if I had to pick 5 guys I choose him first (yes, even over Jordan) simply because he made everyone around him better. I never saw a side of Magic that was anything other than friendly, so the accusations of rumor mongering and collusion, on both sides of this, are a bit surprising. Magic has accused Isiah of questioning his heterosexuality after he had contracted HIV. Well, they spent all those years hugging and kissing before a game, I guess Isiah would know.

THIS WEEK’S REASON WHY TERRORISTS WANNA KILL US

America’s sad obsession with fame. These “balloon” assholes really need to be put in jail. Richard and Mayumi Heene have pretty much scarred their kid for life by making him participate in this absurd hoax, making the world believe that their 6 year old son was trapped in an out of control balloon just for their pathetic 15 minutes. The authorities are now thankfully involved. Maybe they can be on Lockup:Raw from state prison if they wanna be on TV so bad.

The JB Random Report 10/14/09

NEWS & CURRENT EVENTS

I HATE when something like this happens the day after I put up the JB Random Report…OSLO - President Barack Obama won the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize last Friday for "his extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples," the Norwegian Nobel Committee said, citing his outreach to the Muslim world and attempts to curb nuclear proliferation.
Needeless to say, Republican assholes still refuse to stand by their own president saying, and I can’t fucking believe this, “Why should Obama get one so early in his Presidency when Ronald Reagan didn’t get one?” (Let me first count to ten) Ooooook... let’s address that now shall we? If anyone can tell me what Reagan did to bring peace to the world feel free to leave it in the comment section. Other than bluffing an already crumbling Soviet Union into believing in a space-based missle defense system that didn’t exist, please tell me what he did to bring humanity and peace to the world. He bluffed. So does everyone in that World Poker Championship, should we give them Nobel Prizes as well? I guess for Republicans, illegally and covertly selling weapons to the Contras in Central America while negotiating with Iran, a country that held Americans hostage, is a sign of peaceful diplomacy.
The Nobel committee praised Obama's creation of "a new climate in international politics." In other words, “Let’s spray the whole world with a big can of ‘Bush-Away’”
Obama is the third sitting president to win the prize, joining President Theodore Roosevelt who won the award in 1906, President Woodrow Wilson in 1919, and the fourth President over all, Jimmy Carter in 2002.
This award however, does present Obama with new challenges. This is a wartime President fighting two unpopular wars in two theaters. Yesterday he very quietly approved 13,000 additional troops for the war in Afghanistan, a necessary step to winning the war sure, but hardly the acts of a Nobel Peace Prize winner. He is going to have to watch his every step in the international community now, but being the first black President of the United States, I’m sure he is used to that.

SPORTS

Every once in a while, something surprises me, and I want you to know that I am shocked…totally shocked at the fact that I actually give a shit about the J-E-T-S Jets. Look Jet fans, you can’t freak out about a last minute loss to the Miami Dolphins. The defense had a bit of a brain cramp; that does not mean that the season is totally lost. They are 3-2, and it’s only week 6, so relax. Sit down, have a beer, watch old films of Willie Joe Namath and for goodness sake stop cutting yourselves or we will have to put these restraints on you again.

A three man rotation for the Yankees in the ALCS? Not a bad idea I guess. CC Sabathia is a durable pitcher so he can pitch three games if the series goes to seven. Still the LA Angels are one of the few teams that have a good record against the Yankees over the past few seasons, so this is going to be an interesting series, the key being throwing strikes at a very patient Angels line up that at one time had all nine hitters hitting over .300.

THIS WEEK’S REASON WHY TERRORISTS WANNA KILL US

I hate insurance companies, and I have never advocated for revolution, but here is an open message to the Black Panther party…I know that the revolution will not be televised, but instead of starting with the government, can you please overthrow the insurance companies? Let me give you a brief medical history of a young man named Alex Lange. He has never smoked, drank alcohol, or been diagnosed with a chronic disease. His diet is extrordinarily healthy, consisting only of organic nutrients. He has been to the doctor a few times for checkups only, and yet was denied insurance coverage by Rocky Mountain Health Plans, his excellent health record and young age notwithstanding. You see, Alex is only 4 months old, and according to insurance company growth charts, he's obese. Ok, say it with me…You’ve gotta be fucking kidding!

These assholes picked the wrong chubby baby to mess with because Alex's dad, Bernie Lange, works at a local news station, and he recently went public with the story. Dr. Doug Speedie, the Insurance company’s medical director was quoted in the Denver Post saying, "If health care reform occurs, underwriting will go away. We do it because everybody else in the industry does it." Well thank you for making it easier for Congress to vote on this issue. There is some good news…After the story broke, Rocky Mountain Health issued a press release that said it has reversed its position and corrected its underwriting guidelines and "will now provide health plan coverage for healthy infants, regardless of their weight." Well that’s so nice of them. We should all thank them for not allowing children to risk their lives for the company’s profit margin.

The JB Random Report 10/8/09

NEWS & CURRENT EVENTS

Don’t look now, but even as approval ratings drop a bit, Barack Obama is doing something very innovative for a politician…he is actually keeping a campaign promise! A new policy, announced by "ethics czar," (what a shit job that must be in Washington DC) Norm Eisen, prevents federally registered lobbyists from serving on "agency advisory boards and commissions." These are private-sector advisory panels created in the 1970s to give input to the government on various issues. The regulations could end the tenures of lobbyists who have been serving on the panels, and who the Obama administration sees as special-interest agents with an unhealthy proximity to federal policy. Private-sector clients will now have to pass up registered lobbyists for others who qualify to serve on the panels, and the prospect of a mass exodus from the highly prized positions has not made lobbyists happy. This is open to challenges simply because these agencies are ultimately private and it would be difficult to monitor everyone who serves on them, but I knew it was a step in the right direction when K Street angrily cancelled its annual “The Senate is My Bitch” block party.

Is it true that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad might be Jewish? Hummm…an insecure, hate-spewing, self-loathing Jew hiding his roots? Maybe those comparisons to Hitler are not as far off as I thought.

MUSIC & ENTERTAINMENT

I’m glad that David Letterman confronted his situation with honesty and humor. So what if he got horny, as it says in the Bible, “let he amongst you who is without sin, and hath the free hand that has yet to grabeth some ass, cast the first stone.” He was also right to go to the District Attorney, no one should have to be bullied because they can get laid and some jealous hater can’t.
As for his career, here is something that politicians can take a lesson from - most of us don’t give a shit about your personal life, and those who do will forgive you if you come clean now. His career will not suffer at all.

SPORTS

You know who would have made a great candidate for “Asshole of the Week” last week? Seattle Seahawks coach Jim Mora. He spent a great deal of his post game press conference blaming his kicker for his team’s loss to the Chicago Bears. Not the defense that pretty much let Jay Cutler do whatever he wanted. Not the fact that his team had to settle for kicking six field goals because his team couldn’t score, not to mention the two turnovers. And who is he gonna blame for those ridiculous fluorescent jerseys they wore?

I have never been a Jets fan, but I have to say I am rooting for Mark Sanchez. Bring new life to a team that hasn’t won a Super Bowl since the Nixon era by starting 3-0 is no easy task. And even more difficult would have been beating the New Orleans Saints, who have a decent team with a quarterback that just might pass for over 5,000 yards this season. Regardless the Jets are fun to watch, and I think they are the most compelling 3-1 team. I always say that people root either for individuals or uniforms. Whether it's Coach Rex Ryan boldly stating “I’m not here to kiss Bill Belichik’s ring,” Sanchez easing very well into a big time job, (being a starting quarterback in New York isn’t easy, just ask Brett Favre, Kurt Warner or Kerry Collins, guys who played better both before and after leaving these parts), criticizing those ridiculous NY Titans throwback jerseys, or the biggest reason of all, trading for Cleveland malcontent WR Braylon Edwards, the Jets are becoming interesting again. I was really surprised by the fact that 1- the Jets made the trade, and 2- I actually care. Edwards is currently being investigated by the NFL for getting into a fight outside a club with a friend of the owner of the city of Cleveland, LeBron James. The Jets just might have proven that a sneeze can really cause an avalanche by inadvertently setting New York basketball back a few years. In what has become an embarrassingly obvious stalker-like courtship, the Knicks have been maneuvering for the past few years to sign LeBron when he becomes a free agent next year. Having to share another city with a guy he hates might not be something LeBron wants to do.

THIS WEEK’S REASON WHY TERRORISTS WANNA KILL US

Rush Limbaugh wants to own an NFL team? That fat, drug addicted gasbag is part of St. Louis Blues owner Dave Checketts' group that wants to buy that city's NFL team, the Rams. Let’s not allow this please. Not because he is an asshole, there is a legitimate reason that the NFL should take very seriously - He has proven that he is unfit to be an owner given his racial bias aimed directly at players, just ask Donovan McNabb. Well, at least any injured players won’t have to look too far to get Oxycontin.

The New Yankee Stadium: The Review

THE NEW YANKEE STADIUM: THE REVIEW

I don’t know if they will make it to the World Series, but if you saw the game on Tuesday you will know why the New York Yankees are the sports team of the year (an End of the Year Award blog preview). The Yankees took time to celebrate 3 individual milestones achieved this season; Melky Cabrera’s hitting for the cycle, Derek Jeter passing Lou Gehrig as the Yanks’ all time hit leader, and Mariano Rivera’s 500th save (that I witnessed). They brought out all the old time greats like Berra, Winfield and Jackson, but what made it special was how everyone in the dugout watched from the top of the stairs, and after Andy Pettitte gave a short speech, the entire team posed for a picture. For a team that has such a so-called “corporate” reputation, that was a refreshing gesture and it makes the team worth rooting for. Something I am sad to say, not even the beloved Joe Torre could instill in these guys. The last time I saw so many millionaires stand by each other like that they were ENRON executives handcuffed together being charged with various white collar crimes

I thought I would boycott the new stadium due to the fact that there is a fucking gourmet butcher shop in it. Seriously, when has going to a game ever made you say “I suddenly have an overwhelming urge to bring home a pound of ground chuck?” It took the last home game of the season to finally make me cave…I’m so weak.

So let’s start with the good stuff…The sandwiches smelled great, but I figured I would stick to my traditional Yankeedog. The buns were a bit too toasted, but otherwise it was still the best hot dog in New York, grilled to perfection. Believe it or not, the concession stand prices are actually relatively reasonable, something nearly impossible at Yankee Stadium.
The dimensions are the same as the old stadium, and there are a few thousand less seats, so the view of the field is still flawless, and there is still not a bad seat in the house.
There are a lot of employees willing to answer questions and give directions, there really is so much to take in and I have to say they make it easier. It’s certainly a very friendly, almost jovial atmosphere, due in no small part to some type of employee sensitivity training. I remember when stadium policy was to kick someone in the nuts whenever they asked a question. The team got into it as well, making a video where each player thanks the fans for their support.
Freddy “Sez” is still there banging his pan as usual. I just realized that I have never been to a home game that didn’t include him, and I’ve been going to Yankee games since I was 12.
The museum is great, don’t be intimidated by the long line, it goes fast.

However, some observations if I may...
For a stadium that has so much open air space, the passageways are still a bit narrow, something that was supposed to be corrected in the new ballpark. Also, having so much open space, as John observed, actually makes the place sound quieter because there are no walls to bounce the crowd noise off of and keep it in the stadium.
Before my visit, I was told by another friend that the new place still had that old stadium “feel.” I’m afraid I have to disagree. There was a distinct New York attitude in the old stadium that I just wasn’t feeling in the new one.
The various different choices available at the concessions stands were great and the prices were reasonable, but where the hell can a brotha get, not a tabledance, but a Coke? This corporate sponsorship is fascist when it takes my choices away. All that I could get was Pepsi. I distinctly remember both soda brands being easily available at one time, and no Snapple? What the Hell?
As for the game, well Joba Chamberlain just pitched himself out of the rotation for the first round of the playoffs. And even though all the Yankee superstars started the game, by the 7th inning the bench was playing mostly. Even so, the Yankees still managed to put the winning run on base in the 9th inning, but ultimately came up short, 4-3. It was nice to see Phil Hughes pitch an inning, and I never tire of seeing Mariano Rivera, but what I didn’t know was that Alfredo Aceves is a Soda Stereo fan. I wonder if anyone else noticed that the song he came to the field with was “Sobredosis de TV” from my all time favorite Latin rock band….that was so cool.

So the final verdict is: The new Yankee Stadium is still a great place to see a ball game. There were many aesthetic improvements that were desperately needed and addressed in this new ballpark. The variety of food available with the many different concession stands was nice, the atmosphere was great, and the ballpark pays homage to the great players and teams of the past, as it well should. But John put it best when he said the old stadium was “home.” There is nothing you can do or say to change that for us. I know that future generations will be saying that about this place, which is just as it should be, but I guess my age is just showing.

Playoff Predictions: The Yankees take the AL of course, the National League is totally wide open, but the Philadelphia Phillies have the best pitching, so I think they take it.