Thursday, November 13, 2008

The JB Random Report 11/13/08


Ann Coulter is a Dumbo-eared asshole. She has now called Sarah Palin, and I quote, “The star of the GOP.” Are you out of your fucking mind? Look I admit this woman is entertaining, but she is far from bright. And please stop blaming the “elitist, liberal media” for the fact that this woman has trouble completing a sentence. Remember this woman was not pulled out of John McCain’s nursing home attendant-wiped ass, she campaigned for the job, and should have been able to handle the “tough” questions like “find Afghanistan on a map.” “Elitist” to Sarah Palin is someone who doesn’t kill their own lunch. Seriously if this is your “star” then your movie is going straight to DVD.


I always thought that the only morons who would kill over a sporting event were uncivilized soccer hooligans outside the United States. Leave it to the south to fuck that up too. An argument over Saturday's Alabama-LSU football game led to the shooting deaths of a couple at a home in southern Alabama.
Dennis Smith, an LSU fan, called what used to be his friend Michael Williams, an Alabama fan, after Alabama's 27-21 overtime win and an argument ensued. Smith then went to Williams’ home with a pistol, but Williams had a shotgun and fired. Williams was arrested and charged with two counts of murder. Alabama is still #1 in the BCS rankings, but their fans just set us back about 10,000 years.


At least 3 people sent me that really weird story about some American Idol fan killing herself in front of Paula Abdul’s house. What can you say about that? Abdul just can’t catch a break can she? Everyone already thinks she is nuts, this just adds to the bizarre nature of this woman’s existence.

I have no fucking idea what a Cheetah Girl is, but apparently one of them likes to get naked in front of a camera…cool. Damn those Disney chicks are hornier than Catholic school girls. Who ever thought that could happen?

The fact that delusional maniacs like Britney Spears, Beyonce and Mariah Carey still live amongst us and continue to contaminate the Universe with their worthless presence doesn’t really bother me until I hear things like this…Miriam Makeba of South Africa died after collapsing on stage in Italy. She was 76 years old and if there is an afterlife, what an amazing story she will be able to tell. This amazing singer known as “Mama Africa” was the first African Woman to ever win a Grammy.
Often saying that her songs were never political just a reflection of her environment, they did none the less have serious political ramifications, as her amazing voice told the painful story of racial segregation in her country that cost her dearly. In 1960, after speaking out against apartheid in South Africa her passport was revoked. It would be another 30 years before she saw home again. In 1963 she appeared before the U.N. Special Committee on Apartheid to call for an international boycott of South Africa. All this before The Clash, U2 and Peter Gabriel were even wetting diapers. The South African government responded in typical fashion by banning her records, but it didn’t stop her from performing her songs over the years, one of the highlights being a landmark concert in Zimbabwe with Paul Simon in 1987. Incidentally for those of you who can’t handle "Pata Pata," "The Click Song" ("Qongqothwane" in Xhosa), and "Malaika, " check out Paul Simon’s Graceland; a more “user friendly” version of this type of music.
From Paul Simon to Nina Simone, she performed with more legends than come to mind, and in 1990 finally went home again after the election of Nelson Mandela proved the end of apartheid once and for all in South Africa. "I was singing about my life, and in South Africa we always sang about what was happening to us — especially the things that hurt us." Well the world listened, and was a better place for it.


Who invented that automatic hand dryer in the Men’s bathroom? Isn’t that a stupid idea? Think about it, this contraption just takes longer to dry your hands and it never really works unless you stand under it like a moron for at least 5 minutes. What ever happened to the paper towel? It’s faster and it does the job better. And don’t give me that bullshit about automatic hand dryers being better for the environment. They use electricity and a paper towel can be recycled by simply planting a tree. I’d rant some more about this but my hands are wet.

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