Well kids, it’s that time of year again, so possibly for the
last time before the massive blue light Con Ed apocalypse…
NEWS STORY OF THE YEAR – OK so, let me take a deep
breath…I could write a whole entry about what is happening to the United States of America, but it’s so
hard to keep up with so many scandals, lies and corruption mixed in with such
stupidity and incompetence. Are there highlights of this bullshit? Sure. But
even a token coverage would require so much more in commentary and just the
thought would drive me crazy, so here is just a short list of things that are
actually happening in the United States of America, in 2018:
1- Since running for president, Donald Trump has told approximately 5,000 confirmed lies and
untruths. Let that sink in. 5,000 lies told by your president.
2-
Since the investigation lead by Robert Muller began in
2016, an investigation dismissed as a “witch hunt” by Donald Trump and his
supporters, there have been 5 indictments of Americans, 25 of Russian officials
and 6 Russian corporations. 7 guilty pleas, which have lead to significant jail
time for the guilty parties. One being General
Michael Flynn, whose crimes against the United States were so egregious,
that the judge even called him a sellout and told the defendants attorneys to
postpone his sentencing because he was so disgusted by the accusations plead
guilty to. 36 defendants charged, 7 guilty pleas, 1 conviction and 4 actual
prison sentences so far? Wow, talk about draining the swamp.
3-
Over 26 resignations or firings in the cabinet…in less
than 2 years. Trump better slow down or he will run out of fascists to appoint.
This is still a free country and there are only so many.
4-
While this ridiculous policy of separating families
seeking asylum at the border has been going on, two children have died while in
ICE custody. These are their names,
and these are their faces. Felipe Gomez
Alonzo 8, Guatemala, and Jakelin
Caal Maquin 7, Guatemala. Usually this would send any reasonable person
into a tirade about the rapid moral decline of their country, but to be honest,
I’m not even mad anymore. I just want to ask Trump supporters a question:
5-
As of December 31st, 2018 Trump has decided
not only to continue the current government shutdown, but to freeze the pay of
federal workers. These are middle income people with families and bills, not
millionaires that he gives tax breaks to. All because he is a whining man-baby
who wants a racist wall on the southern border that will not work. I say again,
why is this ok with you?
6-
Everyone you support, from Rudy Giuliani to Ann Coulter
to Kelly Conway are all being forced
to question truth and fact when defending this joke of a President. What if Barack Obama had coined the term
“alternative facts?” How would you react? Seriously this is how far they have had
to go to maintain their positions. So the second question, after “why is this
OK with you?” would be, ”are you sure your positions are politically motivated
and have nothing to do with race?”
Oh and speaking of which, do you know that a Gallup poll revealed that Barack Obama
is the most admired man in the US? You know who came in second? Donald Trump. I
am sure Trump supporters have a problem with that. Believe me, so do I.
PERSON OF THE YEAR – Dr. Christine Blasey Ford
Time magazine was
well within its reasoning to select journalists who are attempting to report
truth, “The Guardians and the War on Truth” (great title) particularly in a
time where they are facing a war on the very thing which they try to report. Of
course this is true in Totalitarian dictatorships like Russia and oppressive monarchies like Saudi Arabia, but I never thought it would be happening in the
United States as well. When a Jamal Khashoggi,
a US Resident journalist is murdered and this ridiculous administration does
nothing, the world is in desperate need of a new enlightenment.
I chose Ford however, because what she did has a greater
immediate impact on the lives of Americans. When she bravely came forward and
publicly accused Supreme Court
nominee (now Justice, if you can believe that) Brett Kavanaugh of a sexual assault that occurred when they were
students, she put her life and the lives of her family at risk. She also had to
move 3000 miles from her home. So when people say “Oh she had an agenda.” Well
exactly what the fuck was it? To live under scrutiny for the rest of her life
over a lie? I doubt that.
She came forward knowing that it would disrupt the rest of
her life and she did it anyway. This is a tremendous sacrifice and it should be
commended. I hope that this does now what the Anita Hill case could not do in 1991. Hold these men accountable.
Yes, ultimately the war was lost and that asshole made it to the court, but at
least a fight was put up by people who will not tolerate it anymore. The
movement continues.
QUOTE OF THE YEAR – “Our country is being led by those
who will lie about anything, backed by those who will believe anything, based
on information from media sources that will say anything.” – James Comey ex FBI
Director
I may have to add a
separate “Tweet of the Year” category to next year’s awards, as this was a
tweet credited to the Director on May 23rd of this year. But I do
not think that any quote from any public figure this year better illustrated
exactly what this country is going through.
TV SHOW
OF THE YEAR – Sorry, I do not have an entry here. I don’t really watch
TV unless it’s CNN or sports, and I
am one of the few people who is not so fucking addicted to the lighted box in
my room that I need to watch it even when there is nothing on of particular
interest (that’s what books, libraries and exercise are for), so I do not have Netflix.
ASSHOLE OF THE YEAR – Rudolph Giuliani
This is, believe it or not, a tough one for me, because much
like LeBron James is the perennial NBA MVP, Donald Trump can with this
award every year if he wants. But the reason that this is tough is because, believe
it or not, there was a time where I actually admired Rudy Giuliani, and don’t
front, you know you did too. As a Federal prosecutor in New York, he was a huge
reason why the Mafia and organized crime no longer have a stranglehold on US
commerce. He was a social liberal as mayor of New York City, and who can forget how he brought us all together
after the events of September 11th, 2001. So to see him fall this
dramatically and this quickly isn’t as angering as it is sad. How can someone
who made his bones putting corrupt assholes like Trump in prison, now be
defending the indefensible? What the fuck happened to you? You are a legend in the
Southern District dude, really? This
is what you want your legacy to be? “Truth isn’t truth?” Fuck you!
Oh, and honorable mention goes to Supreme Court Justice and serial date rapist Brett Kavanaugh.
OVERUSED PHRASE OF THE YEAR – “Gender Fluid”
Look, those who know me know that I am pretty much as
liberal as they come, but what I am not is unreasonable, and I will not become
unreasonable or pretend facts do not exist just because some people do not like
how they were born. So let’s keep this simple, if you were born with a penis,
you are a male. That you believe it was given to the wrong person is certainly
your right. If you choose to identify as a female because, well, I dunno, their
clothes are nicer, that is also your right. You cannot, however, tell me I am
wrong because I choose to stay with the definitions of what you were born with.
In so far as bathrooms go, I do not care which one anyone uses so long as they
don’t fucking come near me without washing their hands.
I saw an article one time where a heterosexual man was
having difficulty accepting that he was attracted to someone who was
transgender, and refused to call her an actual “woman” (probably the whole
penis thing was preventing him from doing that). The advice given to him, and I
quote, was “perhaps therapy can help him with that.” What the fuck? OK so the
transgender girlfriend was born with a penis they do not like, but HE is the
one that needs therapy? What for? To help him believe something that just isn’t
true? You see, this is why conservatives still get elected.
Look, be who you are, but let’s not take things so far that
reason takes a back seat just so a small segment of the population doesn’t get
their feelings hurt. So you wanna pretend gender just doesn’t exist? OK tell
that to your menstrual cramps and eventual prostate problems, hipsters.
MOVIE OF THE YEAR – “Black
Panther”
The fact that this was the highest grossing movie of 2018,
taking in over $700 million should chap the ass of every racist asshole that
Trump has eased out of their bigoted closets. But besides that, this movie just
happened to be awesome.
COOLEST MOVIE WITH SOMEWHAT FAMOUS PEOPLE IN IT THAT YOU STILL
DIDN’T (YET/PROBABLY) SEE BUT YOU
SHOULD HAVE – “Juliet Naked.”
Someone writing a screenplay, who is obviously a fan, said
to themselves, “I am imagining if Jeff
Buckley would have lived to see the cult figure he has become, and how
would he react?” Well had Jeff Buckley lived, he may have been bigger than Elvis and would have never become a
cult figure, but I digress, we are imagining…
I saw this movie alone, and I felt as if I were actually in
it, and I have to say I love it when movies do that to me. Ethan Hawke was absolutely perfect for this role.
ALBUM OF THE YEAR – “Sundays.”Tanukichan.
It is very cool amongst these idiot hipsters today to
dislike anything that is even remotely buzzing or popular. When this record
first came out even I have to admit I wanted to ignore it. But after one listen
it was kinda hard to. Honorable mention goes to Beach House and 7. So
much Dream Pop…so little time.
COOLEST SONG BY A MAJOR ACT THAT WASN’T A BIG HIT – “Come On To Me” – Sir Paul McCartney
Last year, this category was won by Robert Plant and a song
that I first heard on the only radio station that even pretends to play music
that matters, 90.7 WFUV, here in New
York City. And had it not been for this station I have to admit, I might not
have even known about this song or the album Egypt Station, which I heard some tracks from and I have to say it
is pretty good.
COOLEST SONG OF THE YEAR – “Make Me Feel” - Janelle Monae.
I, like most people who love music and have already lost
their virginity, really mourned the death of Prince in 2016. And it looks like this chick did as well. Damn that
song reminds me so much of Prince it is almost as if he were resurrected. And I
do not mean that in a bad way, and I am not implying that she ripped him off,
just wonderfully influenced and we are all better for it. And it looks like
brother Barack Obama agrees with me,
as he put her and Prince on his
final lists for 2018 as well. God I miss him, and Prince too.
Honorable mention goes out to I’ll Make You Sorry” by the
Screaming Females. In the 90’s I cannot say I was a huge fan of that whole Riot
Grrrl movement, but some of those bands, Sleater
Kinney in particular, were pretty good. This song seems to be in that
spirit.
COOLEST ACT OF THE YEAR – Restorations.
“The Red Door” is
a song from their 2018 album LP5000
that I just could not stop listening to. I don’t know about you but, I always
like a little Rock in my Rock music. Yes there were some bigger acts this year,
but if I had to pick that one “cool band that just you and a few of your
friends know about” it would be this one.
Thank you again 90.7 WFUV
SPORTS TEAM OF THE YEAR
– The Philadelphia Eagles, NFL.
For a town that had not seen a Super Bowl Champion, Philly sure did put on a good show getting
there and winning it. Forget the fact that they beat the hated New England Patriots, this is a team
that rallied around a backup quarterback in Nick Foles and got the big win.
This year may have been a bit of a hangover for the Eagles,
but Carson Wentz is hurt again and even
though the Eagles are barely getting in the playoffs, they are coming in with a
great deal of momentum and Foles at the helm once again.
ATHLETE OF THE YEAR – Enes Cantor, New York Knicks NBA.
No, really. For those of you who do not know who he is (and
judging by how completely shitty the Knicks have been for decades, I’m sure
there are a lot of you) he is a Center/Power forward who is in his 8th
year in the league. He is a serviceable player, stats wise he is nothing
special, 11.9 Points and 7.5 rebounds for his career so far.
So why is he deserving of such lofty praise you say? Well
let me tell you: First of all, he plays with a fearless heart every night for a
mediocre team that has been mediocre for decades, and will continue to be
mediocre until they find a way to fire the owner. But let me give you one more
reason:
Without getting too deep into it, Kantor in his home country
of Turkey, is a wanted man. That’s
right, there is a warrant out for his arrest because he refused to go back to
Turkey during a political uprising. He has been vocal about anti-fascism by
supporting the Hizmet Movement of Fethullah Gülen. He gave an interview
in 2017 where he spoke openly about how human rights are being abused,
academics are disappearing and people are being jailed for no reason. Well,
needless to say this didn’t sit well with the current government. Since his endorsement,
he has also had his Turkish citizenship revoked. Yeah right, nothing to see
here I guess.
In an era where we admire athletes for standing up for
themselves like Colin Kaepernick and
more recently LeBron James, let me
give you a little perspective: Kantor is the only one who had his passport and
citizenship revoked, not to mention has a warrant out for his arrest. He may
not make it out of 9th place and the lower end of the draft lottery
with that pitiful team, but he is certainly deserving of praise.
BELOVED ATHLETE WHO REALLY SHOULD RETIRE – Eli Manning New
York Giants, NFL.
The Giants are
famous for drafting defense, but last year they drafted what I believe to be
the best player in the draft, Saquon Barkley.
When the Giants uncharacteristically took Barkley with the 2nd
overall pick, I not only endorsed it, but was thoroughly convinced that this
would add a few years to Eli Manning’s career. Man I haven’t been this wrong
since I suggested that the Yankees
keep John Wetland as their closer in
1997 and keep using Mariano Rivera
as a set-up man.
However not even Barkley, who is the real deal and should be
Rookie of the Year, could save the
Giants from an abysmal season where they missed the playoffs with a 5-11
record. It’s not just that Eli had a bad season, but the hits he took and the
fact that he has been off for a while now, really should be enough to make him
realize that it is time to move on before he really hurts himself. Go do those
insurance commercials with your brother and that country guy. That kinda looks
like fun.
BIGOTED ASSHOLE OF THE YEAR – Aaron Schlossberg
Well by now we should have forgotten his name, but let’s not
because this was kinda funny in the end. So this fool goes into a deli in
midtown, one that by the way, I also frequent, and got butt hurt by people speaking
Spanish, in New York City, no less. He
went on to say, on video, I might add, the following gem: “If they have the
balls to come here and live off of my money ... I pay for their welfare. I pay
for their ability to be here. The least they can do is speak English.” Ooooo K…so
um, who is gonna tell this LAWYER that undocumented immigrants are not eligible
for most social security benefits or welfare programs?
You’d think it would end there, but this is New York. So how
do we respond? By finding out where this shmuck lives and deciding to hold a
block party in his honor, complete with pinatas, tamales and yes, a mariachi
band. Bienvenidos a Nueva York, pinche cabron! Oh and while we are on the
subject of sensitivity, can we stop referring to this idiot as “lawyer bro?” It
offends the rest of us lawyer bros…
DEAD PERSON OF THE YEAR – President George HW Bush.
As in most years, we have lost many notable accomplished
human beings in 2018. Professor Stephen
Hawking comes to mind first. As well as Neil Simon, Penny Marshall,
and of course, Stan Lee, who brought
us so much joy while entertaining us. The iconic Aretha Franklin. I will certainly miss Anthony Bourdain. But before I am accused of attempting to
rehabilitate someone who I disagreed with politically, let me just outline his
significance, and thereby justifying why he may not have been my favorite
person who dropped dead this year, but I have to acknowledge he was probably
the most significant.
This was a legitimate war hero, having received a medal for
bravery in World War II. He was a
decent, honorable man who made it to the highest office in the nation. I may
have not agreed with his politics, but never with who he was as a person. Remember not to lose
humanity during political discourse, or we become those who we now deservedly make
fun of and hold in contempt.
Here’s hoping the New Year brings you everything you want! And of
course…FUCK DONALD TRUMP!!
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