Well kids, it’s that time of year again…
NEWS STORY OF THE YEAR – This year it was a close one,
between the traveling circus freak show that is the Republican Primary and the very real gun violence that is sweeping
the United States. But given the
fact that both these stories can only be viewed, even by the most objective but
sane observer, as tragedies with only one solution, even given the variables,
they are in fact, intertwined.
The United States is struggling mightily for its soul. Who
are we? And more importantly, who do we
want to be? Well my point is that both these questions can be answered when
addressing two of the most important issues facing our country today, and
realizing that they are dominated by the same things…fear and ignorance.
Do we want
to be a nation that is so afraid of the rest of the world that we are willing
to elect a racist xenophobe for President, who wants to ban all Muslims from immigrating to the United
States and wants to build a wall along our southern border?
And I am not just talking about that idiot Donald Trump. He is an easy target.
Don’t think for one minute that the rest of the psychos running for the
Rebublican nomination do not in some ways feel the same exact way he does. Trump
just has the guts to say it, and the ignorant masses are so refreshed to hear a
politician be honest, that they ignore what he is being honest about.
Of course this fear baiting has led to people speaking out
in ignorance, and doing what comes
natural, loading their guns. The NRA
obviously has some type of mystical hold on the government when 90% of the population
wants further background checks on gun purchases and Congress votes against it
consistently. I know their argument all too well, and it really doesn’t work…Yes
a crazy man with a hammer can commit an act of terrorism and we would not blame
the hammer. However, a hammer does not kill multiple victims from a few yards
out, so the “tool” argument really doesn’t work does it? Unless you yourself
are a tool and an NRA slave.
 |
| Oh yeah...an obvious terrorist mastermind |
A few weeks ago, a friend of those two assholes who killed
14 people in California (I will not make them famous unless they were still at large)
was charged with aiding and abetting terrorism. OK look at this meatball, Enrique Marquez. Seriously take a good look at this nitwit…This
asshole looks less like a terrorist conspirator and more like a wanna-be who is
still living in his parents basement and getting on line to see the new “Star Wars” movie at midnight (OK I
would have done that too but this asshole probably dressed up like Boba Fett). Really, is this obvious
chronic masturbator really who we should be afraid of? NO. Unless of course, he
can make his delusions real by easily accessing a firearm, which is exactly
what happened.
And what do Republicans do? They double down on the asshole
factor by saying that anyone who mentions guns is politicizing the issue. Hey
asshole, politics are supposed to make for better government and better lives
for people, so I will politicize it until the fucking cows come home, or we
have sensible gun laws in this country.
QUOTE OF THE YEAR – Carrie
Fisher responding to comments on her now 59 year old body on Twitter: “Please stop debating about
whether OR not👁aged well. Unfortunately it hurts all 3 of
my feelings. My BODY hasn’t aged as well as I have. Blow us.” Nothing to add
here.
TV SHOW
OF THE YEAR – I didn’t really watch a lot of TV this year so I
guess I’ll just give it to whatever it was I watched, and I usually watch the
same things. RealTime with Bill Maher,
Homeland, The Leftovers. OK I’ll flip a coin…and the winner
is…Homeland.
ASSHOLE OF THE YEAR – You have no idea how badly I
wanted to give this award to Republican Party frontrunner Donald J Trump. But alas there was actually a bigger asshole in
2015 if you can believe it.
Coming in at a close second is Ethan Couch the asshole known as “affluenza guy.” That this prick
can kill four people during a DUI and get 10 years probation is beyond me or
anyone with any legal training. And obviously he learned nothing of the dangers
of the self-entitlement he used as a defense. The fucking asshole got
probation…probation, no jail time and
STILL thought the sentence was so bad he had to flee? And the greatest irony is
that given the terms of his probation, unless a good argument is made, the most he can do is 120 days in jail. I
wonder how much probation or jail time he can do to bring back the people he
killed.
No, this coveted award just has to go to, yep, the asshole
who jacked up the price on AIDS medication. Turing Pharmaceuticals CEO Martin Shkreli’s decision to increase
the price of an AIDS drug by 5,000% was actually done with a straight face and
with the belief that no one would call him out on it, which again, says more about
the pharmaceutical industry’s standards than it does about Shkreli.
In a slight bit of karma however, this smug asshole was
arrested for securities fraud, and while unrelated to the price mark up, we
like to think that maybe there is a God…
MOTHER OF THE YEAR – I usually give this one out with a
twinge of irony (like the year I gave it to that magnificent train wreck, Britney Spears). But this year I am
actually being sincere. During the riots in Baltimore due to Freddy Gray’s
murder at the hands of police, Toya
Graham, a single mother of six, was filmed telling her child to “take that
fucking mask off,” while beating his ass for being involved in the riots. Her reasoning
had nothing to do with her needing anger management or being abusive in a
moment of weakness: “That’s my only son, and at the end of the day, I don’t
want him to be a Freddie Gray,” Graham said. “But to stand up there and
vandalize police officers, that’s not justice.” Parenting...she’s doing it
right.
PERSON OF THE YEAR – His Holiness Pope Francis. Yes, a two-time winner of this award.
Now I ask you, is there anyone cooler? Is there anyone who inspired you more
this year? In just one visit to the United States this Pope has done more to
endear himself to the world than his predecessor did in his entire reign as
Pope. The scars of what the Catholic
Church has been guilty of are not gone, but I ask you, who has done more to
try to heal them?
POLITICIAN OF THE YEAR – Senator Bernie Sanders (D-VT) will probably not be the next
President of the United States. But the fact that he has some this far in a
race that should have been a lock for Hillary
Clinton, says a lot about how a grass roots campaign can actually be successful.
The truth is, the fact that a 74-year-old self-declared socialist from Vermont
has made the Democratic front-runner “feel the Bern” with double-digit support really
is a victory, even if a token one.
Sanders’ numbers should serve to energize
liberals. His rallies are true happenings and his voice is getting a great deal
of slow and steady momentum. His success is great for the party, and Hillary better not
be fitting for the crown just yet. I hope that his achievement can bring
Hillary, a lifetime centrist, a bit more to the left on some issues.
OVERUSED PHRASE OF THE YEAR – “Netflix and Chill” I really believe this is actually coded language
for “Cheap Food and Date Rape.” Look, inviting someone over to watch a movie
with some level of expectation of eventually seeing them naked is
fine, but this phrase makes it so obvious that it takes away the anticipation.
MOVIE OF THE YEAR – Really? There is a debate here that
you really feel you need to have? “Star
Wars: The Force Awakens”
ACTOR WHO MANAGED TO GET
HIMSELF INTO EVERY COOL MOVIE THIS
YEAR – Harrison Ford “Star
Wars: The Force Awakens” It was a cool movie. Did he do anything else this
year?
COOLEST MOVIE WITH SOMEWHAT FAMOUS PEOPLE IN IT THAT YOU STILL DIDN’T(YET/PROBABLY) SEE BUT YOU SHOULD HAVE – “Star Wars: The Force Awakens” Well there were some not so famous people in the movie, and it's my list so fuck you!
ALBUM OF THE YEAR – “Art Angels” – Grimes. Here is an
artist that has been around for years and released 4 albums. And although I have
always thought she was cool, none of her other works have ever hooked me quite
like this one. I have to say I love being surprised when it comes to music.
Just when you think you know all there is to know about an artist, they hit you
with something you were not expecting.
COOLEST SONG BY A MAJOR BAND THAT WASN’T A BIG HIT – “Random Name Generator” – Wilco.
Don’t call it a comeback!
COOLEST SONG OF THE YEAR – “Trouble” Keith Richards. Look
I know I may get some flack because I’m such a huge Rolling Stones fan that one may think I am not being objective. But
really couldn’t get enough of this one. And apparently neither could Howard Stern.
COOLEST ACT OF THE YEAR – Bully. If you say they are
(musically at least) a broke version of Sleater-Kinney
you may be right, but they really are good regardless.
ATHLETE OF THE YEAR – Is it Steph Curry, Golden State Warriors, NBA? Certainly he had a great
year and deserves this award. Serena
Williams had an awesome year and even after age 30, a death sentence
for the athletes in her sport, she will dominate women’s tennis. In
many forums, she was the “female” athlete of the year. Bullshit. She dominates
her sport more than any man or woman in any other sport.
However, even if she
actually had won the Grand Slam in her sport this year, she
still would have come up short to Zaevion
Dobson, Fulton High School Football, Knoxville, Tenn. This incredibly brave
young man used his body to shield three classmates from gunfire during a shoot-out
at a house party, all before his 16th birthday. Look, anyone who
thinks that this award is better given to someone who showed prowess on the
field is absolutely right. But I really felt this young man needed to be
recognized, and it is my list so fuck you!
BELOVED ATHLETE WHO REALLY SHOULD RETIRE – Roy Jones Jr. This guy was one of my
all-time favorite fighters growing up. He was really perfection to watch in the
ring. So sharp and such a good student of every one of his opponents. But in
yet another example of someone who is holding on too long, his fights lately
have become difficult to watch. In October, at 46 years old, he announced that he would not fight
again after knocking out a forgettable Willie
Williams, but please Roy, don’t lie to yourself and to a boxing public who
respects you by attempting some sort of comeback like so many other fighters. The concern for your health
is growing.
BIGOTED ASSHOLE OF THE YEAR – Who else but the man who
almost swept our awards this year, Donald
Trump. Seriously, this guy is to assholes what the movie “Titanic” was to
the Oscars in 1997. And I say again, the fact that he is the Republican front
runner in December, that David Duke,
former Presidential candidate and KKK
member, stated that Trump is more radical than he is, that he has offended
everyone from former POW’s to Latinos, to Women, and to minorities, says more
about registered Republicans and less about him, and we should be ashamed of
ourselves.
DEAD PERSON OF THE YEAR – Usually there is one great
amongst the many, but this year we lost Julian
Bond, the great civil rights activist,
and John Forbes Nash, a genius.
Music lost BB King, Lemmy Kilmister and
Scott Weiland.
The sports world lost the great Dean Smith and the greatest catcher ever in Yogi Berra. Every year has losses, but this year’s seem just a bit
more monumental. Many times we believe that a loss of great magnitude will
leave us weaker or unable to move on, but we manage to. This year, got a
bit dimmer without these people.
Here’s hoping the New Year brings you everything you want!
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