10 THINGS A GROWN MAN SHOULD KNOW:
1- Pull your
fucking pants up, you look like a moron. Never exaggerate a current trend, you
will only date yourself later on.
(A) - cheer for your team;
(C) - eat at a restaurant; and
(D) drink at an open bar,
without looking as though you have just been released from prison. Subtly will get you further than you think.
3 - Know how
to wear a suit already. Know your suit size, inseam, sleeve and shirt size so
that when someone dies in your family, you don’t look like you took your dad’s
old suit out of the back of a closet. A good tailor can be a more significant
relationship than a good dentist in some cases.
4 - Dude…just
go down on her
5 - Under NO
circumstances, should a man’s bellybutton be pierced
7 - Never
make your mom leave you a voicemail unless you are in an important meeting.
Always pick up her call even if you have to cut her off after two minutes.
Remember for better or worse, this woman gave birth to you.
8 - Don’t talk
about girls you have slept with, to anyone. Discretion is the biggest aphrodisiac.
And if you must, don’t lie about it like a horny 8th grader who has
never actually been near a girl. Remember this chick was nice enough to give
you some, don’t soil it by being an asshole now, not to mention of you get a
reputation for blabbing, no other girls will sleep with you. However, wild sex
stories are perfectly acceptable so long as no names or dates are mentioned,
and you are actually describing something you did, not something you read on a
porn blog.
9 - If you are over 30, do not wear a LeBron jersey, you look stupid
10 - Know
that it is perfectly acceptable to throw the first punch in a street fight. That
“I dare you to swing at me” shit is for people who actually don’t want to
fight. Someone says that to you, throw two jabs, step in and smash his face
with an overhand right. If he is still standing, you can’t fight so you really
should have just walked away.
CAVEAT: If the guy saying “I dare you
to swing at me” starts punching himself
in the face, wait a few seconds before deciding what to do.
AND: You don’t
have to be a mechanic, but at least know how to change a tire.
Posts
Good stuff. But no.9 can be applied--and frequently is by certain people--to any athlete or team. So, I say: wear whatever the fuck you want.
ReplyDeleteHere's one I would add: if you are 25 or over you should not be skateboarding unless you make your living doing so.
Actually #9 is not a cry against all jersey wearers over 30, so long as the athlete is older than the jersey wearer.
ReplyDeleteIt would be perfectly acceptable for me to wear a Mariano Rivera #42, Mattingly #23 or a Jeter #2. If I were to wear a #32 Magic Johnson (of which I own two originals) that would be fine, but I would probably look foolish wearing a #32 representing Blake Griffin.
CAVEAT: Unless I was related to him of course. I have a friend who just happens to be related to Carmelo Anthony who is about my age, he can wear a #7 if he must.
Good skateboarding one, will use it on the next list.
Lebron is the "Jordan" of this era... if somebody 29 or older (Lebron is 29) wants to wear the jersey of a 4x MVP, should he want to just do it? He is a back to back champion, Finals MVP, 2x Gold Medalist and he is a heck of a player... just do it like NIKE!!!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much!! The first one, I wish guys would actually follow!
ReplyDeleteCheers!
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