It's All About Sex, Isn't It? 11/3/11

NEWS & CURRENT EVENTS

Sorry I was absent last week, but I was still traumatized by having to fight off the sexual advances of Herman Cain. Look, whether this guy has a zipper problem or not has yet to be determined, but he has changed his story five times concerning allegations of sexual harassment by two female former employees, and no one on the other side has yet to call for his head. What insults me is how someone who was so animate about self sufficiency and saying that “if you are not rich it’s your fault” and “I don't believe racism in this country today holds anybody back in a big way," now wants to play the race card as he answered in the affirmative when asked by Charles Krauthammer whether "race [and] being a strong black conservative has anything to do with the fact you've been so charged."

And of course, there is no more knowledgeable, objective observer of race relations than Dumbo-eared asshole Ann Coulter who chimed in with this little gem - “I mean, that’s why our blacks are so much better than their blacks. To become a black Republican, you don’t just roll into it, you’re not going with the flow. You have fought against, probably, your family members, probably your neighbors, you have thought everything out and that’s why we have very impressive blacks in our party.” Our blacks? Really? Will someone in the Republican party please muzzle this shithead before she eats all of you?

Are Republicans that petty that they are actually serving a subpoena on the White House to release documents concerning Solyndra? An odd step to take considering that they have yet to refuse to surrender any documents when asked. For those of you who don’t know, Solyndra was an alternative energy company that the government gave $500 million to in order to make solar panels. The company ultimately failed and had to go bankrupt. Now this is something that happens in business all the time, it was an expensive gamble, but why serve a subpoena when you don’t have to? Is it so that Congressional republicans can look busy, look stupid, or so that they can make the White House look as if it has dome something illegal? “We have seen a half a billion dollars of taxpayer money out the door. It's time we get to the bottom of his whole mess," said Rep. Fred Upton. Sure, but first why not get to the bottom of the war crimes committed by Karl Rove and Dick Cheney? When are those subpoenas and indictments coming down? They cost a lot more money and certainly a lot more American lives than a bankrupt energy company that the government took a calculated risk on. These war crimes however, were committed by impulsive action taken due to intelligence received by Austin Powers.

ENTERTAINMENT

And yes, I was so consumed by Kim Kardashian’s divorce that I didn’t eat or bathe for the past week. Seriously is anyone shocked that this fame obsessed, social climbing, nit wit, whose only claim to fame is having a big ass, banging every member of two of the three major sports leagues (A-Rod hasn’t banged her…yet), and making a sex tape would do something stupid?

I feel bad for Kris Humphries, not only did this egghead sign a pre-nup, but here is a guy who, while banging this chick, doubled his career stats in points and rebounds this year. What’s he gonna do now? I mean, look at what happened to Reggie Bush. After breaking it off with her he had to give up his Heismann Trophy, he got traded to Miami, and his team is now 0-7. Damn…she must have some type of magic athletic success formula stored in that huge ass. Next time she is in New York, I’m hoping I can rub up against that monsterous rump at a club, maybe I can finally be the MVP of my Summer basketball league!