The End of an Era 1/27/11

Last week was so boring I couldn’t have possibly written anything interesting. This week however is a different story, but first, an announcement...

I don’t remember exactly what the drunken rant was about in the Spring of 2006, but I remember it happened while playing one of the greatest games I’ve ever helped to create…The American Idol Drinking Game. One of my friends suggested that I should write this down and share it with the rest of our friends who weren’t there that night. When I asked how I would do that they said “Write a blog.” I got home, and started raving like a lunatic about how insane I thought Paula Abdul was, how delusional some of the contestants were, and how hot some of the under aged girls were. I saw that I only had a paragraph so I just began writing about other stuff I thought was interesting, current and funny. I woke up the next morning to find out that people I didn’t even know, from places I had never been to had read the blog and commented on it. Talk about the power of technology. Well The JB Random Report was born that night, and now gets thousands of hits a week from just about all over the world (I know this because I regularly check the stats to feel better about myself). To think, it all started because I wanted to make fun of a reality TV show. This is why I am sad to report that due to extremely hateful and boring nature of the new season, The American Idol section of The JB Random Report will not be written on a regular basis anymore, as I will no longer be a regular viewer. Don’t get me wrong, given the fact that I clearly suffer from battered wife syndrome, I will certainly give a few lines to anything interesting that might happen on that show, but I doubt anything interesting will happen, at least not in front of the camera. I mean Steven Tyler getting into a catfight with J Lo and snatching her wig off would be hysterical, or Randy Jackson skipping lunch then eating one of the contestants would be funny, but they would never broadcast that, so why bother?

NEWS & CURRENT EVENTS

President Barack Obama gave the State of the Union this week. I must say I liked the speech, and his reference that "This is our Sputnik moment" couldn't ring more true. The speech was so good that Jim Boehner had to secretly watch “The Notebook” on his ipad just to have something to cry about. The Republican response was measured but as usual, presented no real ideas. That Tea Bagger response given by that history ignoring maniac Michele Bachmann was comical at best, playing to her usual crowd of nit wits who will believe anything so long as it is anti-government. She stuck to the basic Tea bagger talking points, which basically consist of using coded language to say "The big black president is coming to take away your guns and Bibles," and used nice little pictures to illustrate her inaccuracies. Showing how much unemployment had risen under Obama and failing to mention how it could only go up because it had been rising under former President and current retard George W Bush. I love how she said the stimulus package failed but neglected to mention that it was put in place by former president and current retard George W Bush, Obama just had the difficult burden of signing it. I’m sure she would have been OK with letting the banks fail and then blaming Obama for that. What was line in that movie again? “You stop telling lies about me and I will stop telling the truth about you.” There is something Obama should have quoted.

SPORTS

I remember when Keith Olberman was the funny sportscaster on ESPN, then he became the Left’s answer to Glenn Beck, only without the mental illness of course. Like a lot of people, I hope he finds another job soon, maybe even coming back to ESPN.

And how ‘bout those J-E-T-S JetsJetsJets!! They had a great season by anyone else’s account, but they were so much more hyped this year, mostly by their own big mouths. As entertaining as they were, they actually didn’t get any further than they did last year. I’ll make my Superbowl prediction next week, but this is gonna be a great game to watch considering the tradition that both teams will be carrying into that game.

THIS WEEK’S REASON WHY TERRORISTS WANNA KILL US

Last week someone I know asked me to comment about Elton John saying that he felt like a "second class citizen" because he couldn't marry his male partner, but was still very wealthy and even knighted by the Queen. Sorry, but I'm not with you on this one. My response was that Martin Luther King Jr. won a Nobel Prize and still couldn't sit at a lunch counter. But just in case Sir Elton didn't feel bad enough, those progressive citizens of the Southern United States certainly did their part to remind him. Looks like a store named Harp's in Arkansas(surprise!) has decided to censor the US Weekly cover with Elton, his partner, and their new baby with a grey "Family Shield To Protect Young Shoppers" cover. Really? What are they actually protecting them from? Is Elton John having sex on the cover? Is he wearing a thong? (Shit we all would need protection from that). I guess similar protection was unavailable when the cast of "Teen Moms 2," or one of those Kardashian skanks was on the cover, because those might be more damaging to "families" than two grown men with an infant.
Do you think it's a coincidence that this comes from a state ranked 32nd in literacy?

Tom DeLay...My New Prison Pen Pal 1/14/11

NEWS & CURRENT EVENTS
In the wake of the appalling shooting of U.S. Rep. Gabrielle Giffords, in Arizona, Sarah Palin wasted no time in sticking her shovel into what she really shouldn’t comment on considering that, at least at this point, the maniac currently being held without bail is believed to be one of her insane Anti-government minions.
Seriously could this woman be a bigger asshole? First she says that it’s not about her or her followers, then to remind us of this, she sends an e-mail to that other pillar of sanity Glenn Beck, and has subsequently made every TV appearance she could cackling on about how she “hates violence.” So glad to see you are keeping a low profile Sarah. Really? Hates violence, huh? Tell that to the deer you shot for no reason on live television. Just once I would love to see assholes like her, Dick Cheney and Ted Nugent shoot at something that can shoot back. Someone with some military training maybe?
Look I’m sure she didn’t order the shooting from her moose skinned tent, no one with a brain does, but when you use rhetoric in public like “lock and load,” and post electoral map on your Facebook page last year that marked what appeared to be rifle sights on Arizona and other locations, don’t say that you don’t deserve some of the blame for the fact that the yahoos in this country you know you appeal to may react to it. That fact that this woman has the audacity to blame the media is an insult to our intelligence which is nothing new for this woman. When Wolf Blitzer shouts “lock and load” to voters, maybe I will see her point.

Remember this asshole? Former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay was sentenced to three years in prison on money-laundering and conspiracy charges. Isn’t it only fitting that a man once nicknamed "The Hammer" will be getting just that, and a little extra, by two cellmates named Bubba and Raul?
This is bad news for anyone that is in his former position in the House, because even members of his own party will keep their distance. Which means that new Speaker of the House Jim Boehner (HA! I can’t wait to see the punchlines) has now become the equivalent of Fredo in the Corleone family. Hey Jim, I’d stay away from the fishing boats if I were you!

SPORTS
I will in no way defend Lawrence Taylor or his actions concerning his sex charges, but I will say one thing…there is no way that actual sex occurred if he only received probation. The only way cases like this get knocked down from a Class E felony to a misdemeanor would be if no actual sex occurred. LT you are the greatest defensive football player in the history of the NFL, please remember who you are and use better judgment next time, you are running out of chances. You know, that "Dancing with the Stars" show is supposed to jump start dying careers right? Well it looks like it has gotten an equal number of people arrested. Two in this blog alone!

Hey Yankees, how did that Tom Gordon signing in 2004 work out for you? Exactly! Which is why I am a bit puzzled that you would not only pay Rafael Soriano $35 million over three years, but you would also forfeit a number one draft pick to do so. The Yankees have a pretty good closer already who you might have heard of, so why do this? Who in their right mind pays that much for a set up guy? It’s almost like saving money is a burden for the Yankees, not to mention how bad this looks given today’s economy and the already astronomical ticket prices at Yankee Stadium.

THIS WEEK’S REASON WHY TERRORISTS WANNA KILL US
Ok why the fuck is everyone asking me how to properly pronounce Ophiuchus?

It Only Takes One Letter to go From Fame to Lame 1/6/11

The National Baseball Hall of Fame announced its inductees this week, and I can’t say I was too surprised, just concerned. Roberto Alomar and Burt Blyleven do deserve to be in the Hall of Fame. Alomar didn’t have a particularly long career by Hall of Fame standards, but he certainly put up impressive numbers in those years. A career .300 hitter with over 2,700 hits, over 400 stolen bases, 10 Gold Gloves, a decade of All-Star selections from 1991-2001, and two World Series titles back to back with the Toronto Blue Jays of 1992 and 1993. He was first on the ballot last year, but was clearly “punished” by the Hall of Fame voters, in their own particular, subjective, ridiculous and self important way because of a spitting incident with an umpire in 1996.
As for Blyleven, his numbers are not particularly mind blowing until you use a bit of perspective. He played 22 seasons, most of them on shitty teams and still he managed to win 287 games. He has 60 that’s right, 60 shutouts, which means he had as many and more complete games, something that no pitcher in this era will ever do, which is why we should not look at his 250 losses too harshly. After years on the ballot, I am happy for the guy.
But it's the snub of Jeff Bagwell that presents the Hall of Fame, the voters, and fans with an odd dilemma. Given the fact that support for admitted users of performance enhancing drugs is tepid to say the least, I think it will be a while before those players are ever considered if at all. Unless of course, the Hall of Fame steps in with some guidelines as to how the so-called “steroid-era” should be viewed when voting in players. And I of course, have an idea as to how that should work should they decide to do it.
Let's go by tiers - The first should players who have actually tested positive after 2004 when a comprehensive testing system was begrudgingly put in place by Major League Baseball. The only player on this level so far is Rafael Palmeiro. And what a loss he would be if not eventually elected. 3000 hits and 500 homeruns are usually an automatic lock for the Hall, and he has both.
The second tier would include players who have never tested positive, but who have admitted to steroid use. Mark McGwire comes to mind here. Having said that, I also believe that in considering both McGwire and Sammy Sosa you should ask yourself, had it not been for the slight extra boost that PEDs gave them would they have had such numbers? How many seasons of their careers were steroid enhanced? If it was one or two years it shouldn’t be a factor (Alex Rodriguez comes to mind here), but if their entire careers were spent using PEDs then they should not be considered.
The third tier (and for the record, this is where I believe it becomes unfair to snub) would be players who have not actually tested positive, but who have so much circumstantial evidence against them that election would be difficult. The major players here are Roger Clemens and Barry Bonds, but Juan Gonzales, Ivan Rodriguez and countless others are also on this list.
After that, you really can’t punish any other players, which is why I believe that Bagwell, who certainly has Hall of Fame numbers, is the first casualty of a disorganized, self important voting process; a process unregulated and unchecked by the Hall itself. It is at this point, that players will be unfairly excluded because of the mere opinion of some voters, and not any actual concrete proof, no evidence at all (circumstantial or otherwise), but just the notion that he “looked muscular” during an era where many players used steroids, so he must be guilty. Needless to say, such a ridiculous argument would never see the light of day in a courtroom in the United States. Now of course I acknowledge that the Hall of Fame is not a court of law but a non-government entity that is entitled to admit or reject whomever they choose, but it is subject to that standard that we as Americans hold so dear as to use in any situation possible. The idea that we are all “innocent until proven guilty”
And in the words of President Richard M “tricky Dicky” Nixon, Let me make one thing perfectly clear…I am not suggesting that any player did or did not do anything, but only that a standard of dealing with the so called “steroid era” must be put in place or a lot of innocent players are going to be unfairly excluded.
The easiest thing to do would be to acknowledge that like the amphetamine era of the 60’s and 70’s and the cocaine era of the late 70’s and early 80’s, you have great players that would have been great regardless, and bad players who would have sucked regardless. Factor in that both pitchers and position players were accused, and some players didn’t benefit from PEDs enough to give them Hall of Fame numbers. David Segui and his 139 career homeruns will never get him into the Hall unless he buys a ticket like the rest of us, so maybe it’s not as relevant as we wanna make it out to be.