The JB Random Report: 2022

Well kids, it’s that time of year again, so let’s do some reflecting, shall we?

NEWS STORY OF THE YEAR – Inflation

Everything is more expensive, isn’t it? Yea, and it’s happening slowly enough for you not to notice. Look, let me make a suggestion to you: Never stop going to the market to get your own groceries. It is the only way to remain in touch with what is going on in the world, let me tell you why. There are two places where inflation is felt almost immediately, and that is the supermarket and the gas station. You can listen to all these so-called financial gurus all you want, but the best way to really monitor the pulse of this or any nation’s economy is at the two places aforementioned. Right now, prices at both are incredibly high and you should be demanding more answers considering that jobs are available and corporate gains are at record highs.

Yes I am taking a bit of an over-simplified approach to this issue, but that is only because the common working individual is doing the same thing, and it is their perception that ultimately matters.

PERSON OF THE YEAR – President Volodymyr Zelenskyy of Ukraine

I really fucking hate it when I agree with Time magazine, not because they are not to be agreed with, but because it seems almost unoriginal and uninspired. But I cannot deny it, yet again, that they go this one right.

This man has shown incredible resilience and courage staying in his worn torn country to fight off Russian aggression. For a guy who started off as a TV comedian, he is now standing very much on the front lines of this war. A war where he is heavily outnumbered and outgunned. Yet a war that his country seems to be winning. It was inspiring to see him speak to Congress here in the US a few weeks ago.

Zelenskyy also gave us the quote of the year, by the way (see below).

QUOTE OF THE YEAR - President Volodymyr Zelenskyy of Ukraine

When asked by representatives of the United States government if he would like to be evacuated from his war torn country, Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy replied, “The fight is here. I need ammunition, not a ride” If this guy survives this war, he is gonna be president a long time.

TV SHOW OF THE YEAR – “Extraordinary Attorney Woo” – Netflix

The premise of this show is very plausible, and contrary to the show’s critics, I do not think that the topic of mental illness was handled irresponsibly. When you decide to deal with such a controversial theme, you will undoubtedly have critics. That aside, what can I say…18 episodes and I cried at least once in every one of them. Guess I’m just a tender hearted person. Right?

ASSHOLE OF THE YEAR – Donald Trump

People often tell me, “Jes, why continue to pick on Trump? He is done.” Well is he really? Yes it is true that even his cowardly enablers and ass-kissers in Congress like Mitch McConnell have said that he “no longer has the political clout he once did.” That is no reason to think that someone as pathologically narcissistic as Trump would believe that he is done. I mean, in case you missed it, he did announce that he was running for President again in 2024.

On Friday six years of Trump tax returns were finally released to the public, and I must say they raise considerably more questions than answers. This is probably why Trump had fought so hard to keep them from the public. Why did he still have foreign bank accounts as president? Why did he pay no taxes in 2020, the last year of his presidency?

This asshole is the subject of at least four major investigations into wrongdoing relating to his handling of White House documents, the election, the insurrection, and his finances. The most significant cases being in Florida; Fulton County, Georgia; Washington, DC; and New York.

Trump's business was also convicted in state court in Manhattan for a payroll tax-dodge scheme, earning the company felony status and a likely $1.6 million fine.

Then there is a civil lawsuit state Attorney General Letitia James filed Wednesday against Donald Trump, his businesses and several of his children over alleged fraud. And that’s just this week!

Prior to this most recent lawsuit, Trump has been involved in 22 criminal and civil legal investigations, 19 of which are currently ongoing. I wanted to give you a few sentences on each one so that my readers could have a better understanding of them, but it’s just too fucking exhausting, Google that shit. That’s what search engines are for…

VIRAL CLIP OF THE YEAR – The Wednesday Addams Dance Scene – “Wednesday” Netflix

I really debated whether or not this should even be a category, but how can you not love this clip? I know it’s kinda bandwagon jumping, but the fact that it brought a great underrated band like The Cramps back on the pop culture radar is a bit similar to Kate Bush’s much deserved resurrection because of “Stranger Things.”

So go ahead Jenna Ortega/Wednesday Adams, the moment may only last 15 minutes according to Warhol, but it is most certainly yours…

BOOK OF THE YEAR – “Surrender: 40 Songs, One Story“ - Bono

Just cuz it was the only new book I read this year, doesn’t mean it wasn’t entertaining. If you are a songwriter, you have to be very careful not to think you are a novelist. It is, a totally different discipline. You are more of a poet. However, Bono does manage to pull it off.

First of all, he is a great storyteller, so that helps. Not everyone’s life is interesting, so if you are going to write something autobiographical, you can epically fail if you do not know when and how to embellish, and when and how to be poetic. I have to say this book did keep me reading it, so I guess that really is all that matters isn’t it?

MOVIE OF THE YEAR – “Everything Everywhere All at Once”

Ok so I had no idea that this movie even existed, much less had come out this year. I was on a 14 hour flight from JFK to Tokyo when I figured that I might as well watch a movie. The idea of Multiverses (more than one Universe existing at the same time. Longer conversation required) has always been fascinating to me.

This film is not a documentary however, it is a work of fiction that tells a story within that idea. I found every bit of this film fascinating, even if some of it takes a while to understand.

COOLEST MOVIE WITH SOMEWHAT FAMOUS PEOPLE IN IT THAT YOU STILL DIDN’T (YET/PROBABLY) SEE BUT YOU SHOULD HAVE – “The Banshees of Inisherin”

If there are two people that I have always thought had great chemistry it was Brendon Gleeson and Colin Ferrell. “In Bruges” was the first movie they were together in, and I found that so enjoyable I gave it to some friends as Christmas gifts. This film is a bit darker, but equally enjoyable due to the way these two actors seem to have a great time interacting with each other.

Now I must warn you, this movie is not “In Bruges.” It is in fact, considerably darker and more twisted, but equally entertaining.

DOCUMENTARY OF THE YEAR – “The Tinder Swindler.” - Netflix

There are SO many documentaries, on pretty much anything, on SO many streaming services, that you are not gonna watch every one of them. I know I can’t, so I can only choose from those which I did watch.

This particular movie was fascinating, and no, I have no sympathy for either side. For the women who were conned by this guy, let’s be honest, if the dude drove a bus, you wouldn’t have given him the time of day to even let him smell your used panties. You paid attention to him because he was rich, not because he was a person of substance. That is on you, not him. Do I believe that all of the women in this film were gold-diggers? Of course not, but maybe value something more than money or appearances and you will make better choices in the future. In the long run, girls who marry old men for money are never truly happy, and convincing themselves that they are can be very exhausting emotionally.

As for Mr. Shimon Hayut, he did indeed prey on some women’s love for money and status, and he certainly cannot be blamed for what some women are attracted to, but he did break the law, and he deserved A LOT more prison time. In the end, there are no real victims or martyrs here, just a bunch of self-entitled brats that got what they deserved. Still an incredibly gripping watch however.

ALBUM OF THE YEAR – “I Don’t Live Here Anymore (Deluxe Edition)” – The War On Drugs

I know it was a tie last year because truthfully I just really loved both those albums. I have to say that this year was equally difficult to choose, which I must admit was refreshing given the rants I go on about how shitty music is today. I love having to admit that there are some pretty good bands making some pretty good music lately, you just don’t hear them unless you listen to college radio.

The first incarnation of this record was pretty good, but the deluxe version added some songs that I couldn’t believe didn’t make the first cut. Look, unless you are a truly great established band, don’t make a double album. You are not The Rolling Stones (Exile on Main Street) The Beatles (The Beatles) or Led Zeppelin (Physical Graffiti) no one gives a shit about your overblown sense of self-importance (Looking at YOU Beach House, although Once Twice Melody was a pretty good album in some places). But there are some instances where what is on the cutting room floor isn’t so bad.

COOLEST SONG BY A MAJOR ACT THAT WASN’T A BIG HIT – “Here To Forever” – Death Cab For Cutie

God how I have always hated that fucking name. But this is a nice song.

COOLEST SONG OF THE YEAR – “I Like You (A Happier Song)” Post Malone, Doja Cat

Don’t let the name fool you, this is definitely NSFW. I cannot say I am a major fan of either of these two, but this song is catchy. You know, I think mainstream radio would have responded even more with a decent clean version of this song. I do not know why acts today insist on making people censor them. It’s not necessarily novel anymore, so why still do it?

COOLEST SONG OF THE YEAR BY A BAND YOU’VE NEVER HEARD OF – “the angel of 8th avenue” – Gang of Youths

Look, the lack of capital letters in the title is not my doing, that’s how the song is listed. So hipster bullshit attempt to be cool aside, this song is really cool. It is one of those New York City rock songs, from a band, oddly enough, that isn’t even from New York.

COOLEST ACT OF THE YEAR – Soccer Mommy

You thought it was gonna be Japanese Breakfast, didn’t you? Yeah I liked that album too, it was great, but nah…gonna go with Soccer Mommy because I’m not a bandwagon jumper and these guys were cool. A great album is one that you can listen to without skipping a song. “Sometimes, Forever” did that for me this year. Is it the next “In Utero?” No, but what the fuck is?

SPORTS TEAM OF THE YEAR – The National Football Team of Argentina

If you know me, you know the Soccer team I root for, and have rooted for since I was a child, and that is the national team of Argentina. I guess it started growing up in a neighborhood full of Latinos and the only team making any sort of international dent was Argentina.

For Lionel Messi, arguably the nation’s greatest player, it was sweet vindication as he had obtained every conceivable award as a player, but until now, a World Cup Championship had long eluded him. Then there is Andres Cantor, World Cup announcer who was born in Buenos Aires, whose sheer joy reminded us that we are all human.

But of all this joy, there is still one thing I can’t get out of my mind: Can you imagine if Diego Armando Maradona were alive to have seen this happen? The memes, the stories, the comments would have been phenomenal.

ATHLETE OF THE YEAR – Aaron Judge, New York Yankees MLB

I don’t if he is this year’s greatest athlete, or the athlete who had the greatest year. But in just 12 short months, this guy went from having a mildly good season last year where he did have some injuries, to this year, which was one for the ages.

Let’s go the field first shall we? Judge’s quest to break the American League single season homerun held by Yankee legend Roger Maris since 1961 was a wonder to behold. I was at the game where he hit his 60^th in a comeback win and I had never seen the new stadium break out into such ear-splitting cheers in my life. I will at least not at this time, participate in the argument that Judge is the legitimate single season homerun record holder due to the accusations leveled on the actual leader of steroid use. I will just say that living in New York City has great stories every year, and this was one of them.

It was the 62 homeruns, combining with a .311 batting average and a league leading 135 RBIs that had Judge flirting with the triple crown all year, and ultimately lead him to becoming the 14^th Yankee to win the American League MVP. He also led all of MLB in not just homers and RBI, but in runs scored, total bases, and slugging. A year like that and it is easy to see why he is the first Yankee to do it since Alex Rodriguez in 2007.

So how tense do you think those winter meetings were, huh? I have to admit I really was totally convinced that Judge would always re-sign with the Yankees until I heard the other teams offers. But the ownership not only gave him 9 years at $360 million, which in baseball terms is actually a fair deal, but they also named him captain of the team, the first since Derek Jeter. Quite the ride.

OVERRATED ATHLETE OF THE YEAR – Christiano Ronaldo - Soccer (Football)

You know, it has always been easy to hate on this guy, and I always thought that it was a bit undeserved.

It’s not his fault that he is both talented at his profession while being incredibly good looking. I mean, I can certainly relate…

This year however, was a considerable cliff for this guy. His former club team, the legendary Manchester United, didn’t play him much at the end of the season. To add insult to injury, he was also benched playing for Portugal in the World Cup. Once again, not totally his doing. But what bothered me about this guy is where he signed to play this year.

After such a forgettable year by one of soccer’s greatest players, you’d think his next contract would give him a reported $75 million a year, but guess what? It did. Saudi Arabian club Al-Nassr decided to give him that even after watching the controversial manner in which he left Manchester United. Guess when you have a name that big, it doesn’t matter how well you played the year before. Given the level of competition in the desert, I think he may well get some numbers, but this is a show biz move, not an on the field move.

Can I also mention that last year’s winner of this award is actually thriving coming off the bench for The Los Angeles Lakers?

BELOVED ATHLETE WHO REALLY SHOULD RETIRE – Tom Brady, Quarterback, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, NFL.

Think I’m gonna go with Tom Brady, even though I wouldn’t call him “beloved.” Look, the fact that this guy has been not only playing, but thriving as an NFL quarterback well after age 40, makes him one of the greatest ever, not to mention that he has a multi-million dollar TV contract waiting for him after he hangs it up, so why keep doing this?

Look at what it has cost him. Yes his team is in 1^st place in their division, but they are also below .500 and struggling against good teams. He is losing his cool at his teammates very publically and that has never been his style. Not to mention the toll his decision to come out of retirement has taken on his personal life. Something that also, until now, had been quite private.

Look, I may never have been a fan, but he has given enough to this game, time to enjoy the rest of your life.

BIGOTED ASSHOLE(S) OF THE YEAR – Well, it Ain’t Just One, and They are NOT From Jackson Heights

You know what is odd? As I was writing this, I couldn’t come up with just one person that has personified bigotry this year. What I kept thinking about was how bigotry as a whole is just dramatically on the rise in the United States and the question that keeps popping up is when did we all become such pussies? Why and when exactly did we become so afraid of people?

Seriously I thought that as a whole, this country had progressed to a point where attacks against immigrants and the LGBTQ community would not be this bad, but they are. And this is an example I may hate to use, but I have to be objective.

One of the most diverse communities in the world is a place I have been more than happy to call my home since I was a child. I was here when it was not so great, and I had to walk over passed out heroin addicts in the subway, and I am here now, having survived gentrification but watching my neighborhood improve to the level of a place where me and my friends always promised each other that we would move our parents to one day.

In Jackson Heights we have always been tolerant. Even when the neighborhood was at its roughest, we were never bigots. Which is why I can say with certainty that NONE of the cowards who called themselves “Protestors,” harassing members of the LGBTQ community who just wanted to read to kids, were recognized by a lifelong resident of this neighborhood. I still cannot believe that bigots were protesting in front of my library, against a group of people that had done nothing to them. I can assure you that those few assholes do not represent who we are as a community. Oh, and next time, if you wanna give a Nazi salute in my neighborhood, do it without the mask so we can recognize you. Let’s see how far you get then.

DEAD PERSON OF THE YEAR – Her Royal Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

We lost some greats this year, as we do every year, Jerry Lee Lewis, Barbara Walters, Mikhail Gorbachev, Vin Scully, Bill Russell, Pele (an all-time great human, not just athlete) and Pope Benedict XVI (maybe not great, but certainly significant).

But I think I am gonna go with Her Royal Majesty Queen Elizabeth II. Look, I’m not gonna get into a debate about the British Royal family, or monarchies in general, but what you cannot deny is how incredibly significant this woman’s life was. She managed the slow decline of the British Empire with a rare dignity. She kept up a fierce schedule well into her 90’s and did her absolute best to represent her country in the best way possible. That is not deniable. She handled controversy with distance and clarity, rarely showing emotion, and this was not always admired by all. Keep calm and carry on was written for her.

Here’s hoping the New Year brings you everything you want!